“I love you, but your friends suck.” Ouch. A discrepancy in social circles can really hinder a healthy relationship and act as a point of contention between the two of you, and your friends. Everyone has that buddy that is, well, hard to get a long with. Then there is the unfortunate truth that if you don’t like your partner’s friends, they probably don’t like you either. Fake smiles are easy to spot. Continue reading
The one thing I really loathed about singledom was the whole “in-between” stage of casual dating. You know, the swampy ground that begins after the third date and haunts you until you’re forced to have an uncomfortable conversation that usually begins with “So…what are we?” The relationship pre-ejaculate, if you will. It’s not as exciting as the real thing, but still a necessary stepping stone…
Valentine’s day is the cilantro of the American holiday circuit …you either love it, or it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. Personally, I have a tumultuous relationship with the holiday, which started during an excruciating 4 month stint working at Hallmark in high school, where I was forced to stock mass produced, impersonal greeting cards and listen to Michael Bublé’s Caught in the Act album on repeat. I still cringe whenever I hear a Bublé track. Continue reading
Several months back, I was at a friend’s pool party, and over the buffet table, she made a passing comment about how I was vegan. You know, the usual “Zoe isn’t going to want any of that lamb, since she’s vegan.” As I continued to attack the hummus platter, you can imagine my surprise when a complete stranger to my left turned and said “So if you’re vegan, why do you have acne?”
Uhm, hello extremely rude stranger. Despite how off-putting the comment was, I managed to put on a friendly face and explain that since I went off birth control 3 plus years ago, I have been dealing with some intrusive hormonal acne. THANKS FOR ASKING.
Anyway, I’ve been making some dietary changes to try and tackle my hormones, like including more evening primrose oil and maca, stocking up on magnesium and probiotics, and limiting caffeine and sugar. But while I make those changes, I have also been on the hunt for the very best vegan acne products around. Continue reading
Ah, depression, you miserable bitch. Anyone who has ever suffered from this condition knows it can be dark, cold, and hopeless. Whether you’re depressed due to life circumstances, or a chemical imbalance, or (most usually) both, depression is never fun, and it’s hard to shake. But what happens when it’s not you who is down, but your partner?
I recently read an interesting article on the Vegan Feminist Network about the sexual politics of veganism. Now, you may be thinking, “wtf does veganism have to do with sex?” Well, that’s exactly the piece’s point. That sex and veganism do not belong together, and that by marrying them, we are hurting our credibility.
The article says that by sexualizing veganism through PETAish antics of lettuce-clad ladies, and vegan cookbooks touting the sex appeal of the movement, and male-targeted books like “Meat is for Pussies,” etc, we’re actually hurting ourselves by diminishing our own integrity and turning something that should be about compassion and equal rights into something about commodifying the movement and selling sex.
It also argues that the sexualization and feminization of veganism devalues the women behind it, making us the target of a patriarchal society instead of a collected band of strong veg-friendly females.
The article, written by sociologist Corey Wrenn, details “Essentially, it is the co-optation and erosion of a women’s movement. Instead of empowering women on behalf of animals, these approaches disempower women on behalf of men.”
I’m not really going to get into that last one, because I don’t like anyone telling me what makes me feel empowered. If I want to flaunt my sexuality, I can do that for myself, and I can feel empowered by it, regardless of who is watching, enjoying, or scrutinizing.
I do agree that veganism has been sexualized by the media, and by some of us vegans—myself included. Just look at my blog. But I’m not so sure that it’s a bad thing. Clearly, I’m biased, but I believe that the more people we can make aware of the movement, the better. If that means getting people interested by talking about how eating plant-based can increase libido, or by focusing on svelte vegan bods, then so be it.
Then, once they’re paying attention, the will hopefully become educated about how veganism also saves millions of lives, the planet, and the body. It’s the old bait and switch, and it’s going to start a movement faster than handing out pamphlets at macrobiotic restaurants, where the majority of the patrons are already into veganism as is.
I have often used the same argument whenever people get their panties twisted about the glamorization of veganism. Celebrities go vegan for a stint (whaddup, Beyonce?) and suddenly everyone is talking about it. And that’s a complaint because? It’s about spreading and growing the movement, and if this is what it takes, then so be it. I really don’t think that says anything bad about veganism, but perhaps about society; it takes some (vegan) boobs to harvest our attention. Do I wish we could just open up a conversation about stopping animal cruelty and have the entire American society break into applause? Yes. But has that happened? Hardly. So maybe it’s good to sneak in the back door.
I don’t care how the word “veganism” gets into someone’s mouth. As long as it stays there—or better—it spreads into the mouths of others, it’s all good with me.
What is your opinion? Are vegans selling themselves out by sexualizing the movement? Do you want to tell me I’m the worst kind of vegan, and the worst kind of woman? Go ahead, you won’t be the first.
Sometimes lunch sneaks up on me, and the fridge is looking lonely, and I have no idea what to munch on. Call in my emergency lunch staple, The Easiest Seared Tofu Ever. I cook this up in 10 minutes, throw it on some greens or cooked grains and BAM! Lunch is on. This recipe so extremely easy, I can barely even call it a recipe, but here it is, for you. You’re welcome.
- 2 tsp sesame oil
- 1 tbsp soy sauce or Tamari
- 2 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 1 splash of your favorite hot sauce (optional)
Place half of the sesame oil, soy sauce, nooch and hot sauce in a shallow dish, and mix into a paste. The nooch should make the mixture quite thick. Dredge tofu in the mixture so it’s coated on both sides. If you have time, let the tofu sit in mixture for 10 – 15 minutes.
Heat remaining oil (1 tsp) in a pan over medium-high. Once hot, sear tofu, 1 -2 minutes per side. The nooch paste will turn into something like a light breading, and crisp up all nice and brown.
You’re laying in bed and your phone goes off – you have a text, and as you see that name pop up on the screen, your stomach does a little belly flop and your heart starts beating like you just popped an adderall. You send a response, smiling. Then you glance nervously at your partner, sleeping next to you in the bed. Ouch.
Emotional cheating is a gray area of infidelity. It can be hard to determine if you’re crushing on someone or just excited to make a new friend, but what is really dangerous about emotional infidelity is that it’s easy to deny – not only to your partner, but even worse, to yourself. Continue reading
I’m not going to get into blowjob techniques here, because this isn’t Cosmo, and also I think my dad reads this column. But for anyone who wants to be better in bed—which should be all of us—here are several concepts to consider.
- Adapt an eagerness to learn. No matter how much experience you have, or how long you’ve been with your partner, there is always something to learn about their body, about your body, about what they like, what you like… When we cease to learn, we cease to grow. I don’t know who originally said that but it sounded pretty wise so it must have been Aristotle. Or Beyonce.
- Have patience. Impatience does not equate to a good sexual experience. Or a good experience in general life. Slow down, take your time, check out of your brain and into the moment.
- Find a balance of adventure and respect. You want to be willing to try new things, but also know and stand by your boundaries. If I learned anything in college, it was that an uncomfortable sexual experience is rarely a good one. If the mere sound of anal beads makes you queasy or you know that position will surely sprain a hamstring, then respect yourself and politely decline. In turn, this also means respecting your partner’s boundaries!
- Communicate. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Express what you like and give direction. If doing that verbally makes you uneasy, well there are a myriad of non-verbal ways to do it. Some well-time squirming and a crescendo of noise should do the trick…
- Find your confidence. Sexual confidence doesn’t have to mean strutting around in skimpy underwear. It means knowing what you want, and not being afraid to express that. If you want to please your partner, you will. As long as you make connecting, pleasing and being pleased your goals, it will be hard to go wrong. This type of confidence comes through, no strip tease needed.
The sexual connection you have with one person will be different than the connection you have with someone else. Therefore, it’s difficult to define someone as good in bed, or bad in bed. However, if you focus on these concepts (eagerness to learn, patience, adventure, respect, communication, confidence) then you’re headed in the right direction. Go forth and orgasm!