Monogamy and Me…A Love Story

23 May

A puppy pile is perhaps the only thing that rivals my love for monogamy…

I have been thinking a lot recently about polyamorous relationships, so bear with me folks, because this is going to be long and ranty. I’m an XoJane.com addict, and in the past week two articles have surfaced—one from Jessica on not understanding open relationships, and one from Kate (Ladycrush alert! Look at her adorable pixie haircut! Swoon.) on how she is dating a couple.

But the site has a plethora of articles about the topic, including a series from one woman whose boyfriend wanted to open the relationship. Readers watched the couple open it (well, read about it) and saw the relationship fail  “epically” as a result.

I enjoyed reading all of the different takes on monogamy, polyamory and open relationships, and sometimes—especially when reading about people who seem so much more emotionally evolved than I—I worry my passion for monogamy is a bit archaic. Continue reading →

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More Reasons I’m Not An Adult: I Love My Lunch Box!

21 May

Isn’t she cute?

I tried (unsuccessfully) to do my taxes this year without the assistance of an accountant or my father. I don’t own a watch or an umbrella. I can’t put gas in my car until I have driven AT LEAST 10 -15 miles with my gas light on. I don’t know how to change my oil, a tire, or the filter in my air conditioning unit. My bedroom windows do not have curtains. I only own one pair of sheets, so I have to wash them strategically. Need more proof I am not yet an adult? I am obsessed with my lunch box. Continue reading →

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Stuff We Get Off On: The Tenga Egg

17 May

Image from coolkitchen.net

A dude friend of mine brought up the fact that if a guy stumbles upon a sex toy in a girls room, he might think it’s kind of hot. If not, he probably wont be turned OFF by it. However, my friend thought if a girl found a toy in his room, she might think him a creep. Because really, there aren’t too many male centered toys, aside from the infamous Flesh Light. Continue reading →

Happy National BBQ Day: Red Bush BBQ Sauce

16 May

How I feel about BBQ sauce…

Happy national BBQ day, folks! Now, you may be surprised to learn that I love a great barbecue more than almost anything, because I am vegan. Shouldn’t I be out gnawing on someone’s lawn clippings?

When I ditched meat ten years ago, my love for barbecue didn’t change. The only thing that changed was what I was smothering in the sauce—tofu, tempeh, veggies, sweet potato french fries…frozen pizza crust at 4 am when I’ve had too much to drink and it sounds appealing. To me, it isn’t about what you’re barbecuing…it’s all about the sauce. I have always loved a terrific barbecue sauce—sweet, tangy, and spicy—and so this didn’t change when I nixed meat. Making your own barbecue sauce is shockingly easy, although it takes patience as you need to simmer it for a good 45 minutes. The best thing about making your own (aside from avoiding all nasty preservatives and additives) is that you can control your level of heat!

Below is a recipe for a sauce I created while visiting a girlfriend in Arizona a month or two back. Since one of the key ingredients in this recipe is ginger, we named the sauce Red Bush BBQ sauce. It’s sort of gross, sure, but i’m sort of gross…Sorry I’m not sorry! Hot and spicy, this sauce will make your nose run the way only a great spicy sauce can. Enjoy! Continue reading →

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Hey Tennessee, I’ll Show You Some Gateway Sexual Behavior

15 May

Hitachis double as a club when you’re angry



So how about Tennessee banning the mention of “Gateway Sexual Behavior?” from all sex ed classes?

Sort of like weed being the supposed gateway to heroin, Tennessee claims groping and crotch nuzzling are a direct entryway to rampid fuckery. A controversial bill is currently underway that would ban all teachers from teaching any “gateway” sexual activity. In fact, it suggests all teachers promote abstinence. Behind the bill are pro-marriage institutes, supposedly hoping teens will wait until marriage to have sex—the reason why people marry so much younger in the south, perhaps?

When I first heard about this bill I was horrified. We’re regressing! I thought. It’s 2012, people! I am posting photos of my sex toys on the Internet, and a couple hundred miles away they are banning the discussion of fingerblasting in the classroom? According to state representative John DeBerry in his testimony to the Tennessee House of Representatives, “Everybody knows there are certain buttons when you push them, certain switches when you turn them on, there’s no stopping, especially for undisciplined, untrained, untaught and unraised children who just want to feel affection from somebody or anybody.”

Oh goodness, this is disgusting on so many levels. Continue reading →

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Guest Post: Embrace Your Sexuality and Do These Don’ts

10 May

Rihanna may be controversial, but you can’t argue the fact that she embraces (and flaunts) her sexuality


By Sarah Mastroni

I have been a self-proclaimed wild child since the 7th grade when I first started looking at boys like that. I found myself open to the weird, wild and wonderful at a relatively young age. I credit my unrelenting urge for thrills to that, and the freedom I was granted by a household which had little rules to keep my eyes shut to the world as a maturing young lady.

But I knew my limits. I knew not to do any hard drugs or elope a day after I turned 18 years-old with the hunky 25 year-old I met at the mall. I guess this understanding came to me- with the help of meeting lots of different people. I went out with my friends, drank beer underage and got into a little trouble, but only enough to make me who I am today.

Here I am!

My name is Sarah Mastroni and I am a blogger over at SarahontheGo.com. Z is one of my dearest friends and I admire her passion for writing, but most notably, I love how bravely she takes on the topic of sex.

Sex is not easy to talk about. So many people get bent out of shape about it. I learned along the way that sex is wonderful. The nature of this topic in general is beautiful, whether you are getting all types of freaky-deaky on your lover or making passionate love, sex is the amazing ability to forget the crap that the world deals to us and enjoy raw ecstasy.

Z may be more used to the topic of sexuality, but I am going to try my hand at this sex-chatter with a brief list of…

“Things People Look Down on You For But Are So Totally Okay to Do.”
Continue reading →

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Spoiler Alert: Men Want More Than Non-Stop Sex (and other gender stereotypes)

9 May

I recently read an interesting take on gender stereotypes from girlonthenet, about the assumption that men want to have sex ALL THE TIME and that any woman can have sex any time she wants, always. This assumption leads many women to feel horrible and abnormal when sexual rejection rears its ugly head—as it does on the regular for all sexes involved.

The blogger addressed another post, in which a man gives advice to his daughter that all the men she meets just want to sleep with her. He also says that you should just break up with someone if you’re having issues, and let me tell you, this outlook is the reason the divorce rate in America is so freakin’ high…excuse me while I hyperventilate. This man almost, ALMOST redeems himself when he says his daughter should eat her veggies and learn to masturbate. He then seems to make the generalization that white girls masturbate more than other ethnicities. Since I am a white girl who masturbates, will someone else fill me in on this?

It’s true that while many men you meet as a woman may want to sleep with you, not all men will. Believing all men want to bone you will make it hard for you to have platonic friends of the opposite sex, and it will make it more painful when you realize, gee, not everyone wants to hogtie you and smother your naked body in cooking grease, or whatever you’re into….
Continue reading →

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The Lusty Vegan: Man Vs. (Sex) Machine

8 May

“This is what you mean by ‘toy,’ right?”

My dad once told me–although he could have gotten this from somewhere else and I am just remembering it as his wisdom bc I’m a closeted daddy’s girl–that a true writer NEEDS to write. If they haven’t written, they feel uncomfortable, like when you really have to pee and there is no time and you’re hopping up and down doing your little pee dance. Okay my dad did not mention a pee dance, I peppered that in myself. What I am getting at is that when I don’t have time to post on SexyTofu I get antsy. Because I just know all fourteen of you out there are stressing over it. Plus I like to create! I want to be creative! This is about me, here.

There is nothing like having zero time to blog and then remembering, oh yes, I can post a redirect to my Lusty Vegan column on iEatGrass! Phew! So, here it is. This week, an email convo with a sexy vegan friend of mine circled around to sex toys, and the man’s take on them. Here is the lovechild of that conversation…

The Lusty Vegan: Man Vs. (Sex) Machine

I suppose I have never lost my inner child, because I still get excited when I get a new toy—and I’m not talking Transformers action figures. Since I write about sex and review sex toys, I suppose it isn’t all that surprising I feel like a kid on Christmas when a box arrives at my door containing a new product to review. I will never forget my room-mates exclamation: “Is that a FIVE POUND box of lube?”

But for those who don’t like to write about their masturbation habits on the Internet, I know sex toys can be a bit of a taboo topic. This is partially why I like reviewing them—to invite people to buy them and hopefully explore a different side of their sexuality. But for most, a sex toy—if owned at all—is something given as a gag gift and then hidden in a nightside table and taken out occasionally, or when the kids are asleep, the boyfriend is at work, etc. Why do I say “when the boyfriend is at work?” Well, the majority of toy owners are women, and the majority of men (but not all!) are a bit intimidated by a battery powered pleasure bot. They view them as a rival, when they should be viewing them as an aid. Men, if your girlfriend’s vibe could talk, it would say “I got your back, bro. Let’s get on this, Bang Bus style. Hive five! Bzzzz.”

Read more…. 

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Fetish Friday: Algolagnia (Pain Fetish)

4 May

Fetish Friday is back! I know you were angsting. Yesterday my girl Sarah from SarahOnTheGo wrote about some interesting fetishes, and I realized how much I missed ranting about the mysterious world of the fetish.

So today, I am focusing on algolagnia—the pain fetish. Someone with a pain fetish gets off on suffering from pain, often but not always directed at the genitals. This is different from your run of the mill masochism, because algolagniacs aren’t merely getting off on the idea of dominating or being dominated but on the actual FEELING of pain—the nerve impulses. Algolagnia is an uncontrollable physical phenomenon where the brain reads feelings of pain as feelings of pleasure. Algolagnia is physical, where masochism is psychological. Plus, masochism doesn’t always include pain at all—humiliation and domination/submission are masochisms primal ingredients.

But what causes algolagnia? Is it a physical reaction rooted in the psyche? Is it really mental? A learned Pavlovian response? Some scientists think no. Recent studies have shown that algolagniacs may actually have errors in their DNA. Modern researchers using MRI and computer models of neuron firing patterns show that most algolagniacs experience pain differently from others.

It is rumored that those who enjoy sexual pain are also hypersexual, and algolagnia was once considered a psychological disorder. BUT so was homosexuality, and we see how times have changed!

SO, do you have a pain fetish? Remember when I interviewed that trampler? Do you have any fetish? I would love to talk to you about it…get at me.

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Bloggers Unite: An American in Paris and Thai Curry

2 May

Do you remember when my buddy Nick over at TheLittlestWinslow and I watched Rain Man and ate Thrice Fried Rice? No? Well, he is on an epic film quest to watch every Best Picture winner, and I just like movies and food. So we get together and watch and feast. He is not a vegan at all, but does like healthy eating, so we have fun veganizing shtuff. He is currently on some weird caveman diet, the Paleo diet, which is basically (as far as I can tell) veganism minus all grains, plus hunks of animal flesh. Er what? It is lots of veggies and meat, and no dairy or grains. But I love grains! Good thing I was not a cavelady.

SO we did a weird Paleo/Vegan split with a recipe for Thai Chicken Curry. View the original recipe here. And here is the veganized version, for all you lettuce-munchers.

Thai Seitan, Sweet Potato and Spinach Curry

1 package Seitan
1 large sweet po, cut into 1′ pieces
3-4 cups of spinach (I like the baby variety…because everything is better in baby form)
1 can of coconut milk (We used light, but I like full fat because I am glutenous)
1.5 T Thai Green Curry Paste (Which I had never cooked with before!)
2 cloves garlic, minced
½ yellow onion, diced
¼ cup lime juice
2 T Sriracha (sigh sigh sigh I LOVE SRIRACHA)
2 serrano peppers, minced (we left the seeds in because WE ARE SO BAD ASS)
2 T apple cider vinegar
Vegetable oil for wok

(Note: When Nick and I made this, we cooked our proteins seperate. In the below recipe, I pretend we added the seitan when it would normally be added if I wasn’t cooking with some club-wielding, Oscar watching caveman.)

Step one:
Place sweet potatoes in boiling water to speed cooking time, because I am impatient and hungry. While they are boiling (about 3-4 minutes), heat oil in wok, and saute onion and garlic on medium-high heat until the onion becomes translucent (Also about 3-4 minutes…how convenient).

Step two:
Remove sweet potatoes from boiling water and add them to wok. Add Thai green chili paste, coconut milk, vinegar, and serrano pepper. Stir and bring to a boil.

Step three:
Add seitan, cover, reduce heat and simmer for about 15 minutes. Check to make sure the potato is cooked thoroughly, then add lime juice and Sriracha. Stir. Add spinach and allow to wilt, 1-2 minutes.

Oh and as for An American In Paris? I spent most of it commenting on Gene Kelly’s tight pants, which Nick’s fiance pointed out probably gave all sorts of lady boners when it came out. Also, if you were a man who could tap dance, would you be really ashamed of it and tell no one, or would you bust out dancing in public? I feel like it has to be one or the other, right? If I could dance, and I had a penis, I would surely bust moves in public to woo women (or convince them I am gay). Pow pow pow!

Pow pow pow! (1950s lady boners all around)

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