Pretty Kristin in my kitchen with our fav magazine!

I seem to have “I like connecting with people on the internet” ingrained somewhere in my soul. I also seem to have “I want to talk about fellatio” and “I like men with mommy issues” written on my forehead, but those are stories for different days.

A while back, I interviewed Kristin LaJeunesse, the founder of the vegan wedding portal RosePedals, for iEatGrass.com. Kristin also happens to be the wanderlusting vegan foodie behind WTFVegan Food, or Will Travel for Vegan Food, the Kick Starter funded food project she set out on a few months back with the goal to sample as many vegan eateries as possible in an epic cross country trip.

After our September interview, I told Kristin to let me know when her trip takes her through Connecticut so that we could meet up for some grub. I also extended my futon. (Sorry, Dad.) Flash forward 6 months and voila! Kristin, and her awesome van Gertrude aka Gertie, pulled into my driveway to stay for a few days. I told my room-mates we “met on the vegan food circuit,” a half-truth that would save me from being judged for inviting a complete stranger into my living room. Enter couch surfing, vegan style! Cruelty-free couch surfing? I smell a new niche market!

Kristin crashed on my heinous baby-pink futon for two nights, where she fell in love with my cat, Zucchini, and chatted with me about life, love and her experiences following her passion for food across the country.

Here is an interview, which I sprung on her at 8 am Wednesday morning before her and Gertie rolled onto their next destination—Long Island. What a good sport she is!

Kristin and me at my fav coffee shop, Las Vetas Lounge


ST: If you could think of three words to describe your trip, what would they be?

KL: Exciting, entertaining and terrifying.

What is the best part about being on the road?
Feeling empowered. Traveling as a woman, there are certain assumptions about safety that are made. I love making my own decisions about where to go, and when to go, without having to take anything else into consideration. The opportunity for self exploration is amazing.

What is the hardest part?
Pushing myself to reach out to people I don’t know, and going outside my comfort zone, especially when looking for places to stay. But it has resulted in some great new friendships, and so far I haven’t had any negative experiences.

What has been your favorite city so far?
Portland, Maine. This is where I started and I actually revisited it recently.

What about your most memorable meal?
Definitely the chocolate ganache at Blossom. I had a mini-orgasm while eating it.

You’re a hopeless romantic, right? Your trip smells like the making of a Julia Roberts rom-com. Do you think you might meet someone special on your voyage?
Totally. I don’t have any set expectations but knowing the nature of the journey, I am completely open to it. I am excited to meet new people, even if they end up just being friends.

Tomorrow on my column, The Lusty Vegan, at iEatGrass.com, I will be talking about compatibility, and sharing a bit of the conversation Kristin and I had on finding and dating other vegans.

Don’t forget to check in with Kristin at WTFVeganfood, and RosePedals!

Kristin made me a montage of me and Zucchini!

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Remember my rant on monkey-style sex last week, where I posted an excerpt from reader J Boybutter? Well, J Boybutter and I got to talking, and it turns out he is a vegansexual! You know…a vegan who won’t date a non-vegan.

I had never had the chance to actually dish with a vegansexual, so I was pretty tickled to learn this. In the following interview, J Boybutter tells me all about life as a vegansexual, and how to be an accomplished lover. And I apologize in advance that he uses the word “secretions,” which is my LEAST favorite word ever. Saying it is basically the No. 2 easiest way to make me squirm. The No. 1 way is to ball up your fist and put it in my armpit. Has anyone ever done that to you?! So weird! J does redeem himself, though, by also using the word cyprianophobia. Read on to learn what it means!

Also, note that English is not his first language. He is charmingly European. But he does so well with his English, that foxy polyglot!

How long have you been vegan?

I’ve was vegan from 1994 to 2000ish and then fell into the cheese habit for a couple of years and finally got out of it for good as a new years resolution. I went back to veganism in 2009 I’ve quit smoking a year later, mainly after seeing how the put monkeys under tests for cigarettes…. I loved smoking even though I knew it was bad for me. Quitting for the animals was easier. So, overall, I can say I’ve been vegan for about 9 years. Sorta. 6+3 = 9

Have you ever dated a non-vegan since you’ve been vegan?
 Yes, in late 1994, early 1995. I dated a non-vegan in the early 2000s and did have a one night stand with a non-vegan in summer 2009. I’ve never dated a vegan actually. So, I think you can either say I’m a vergan (vegan virgin) or a non-practicing vegansexual.

Now you say when you find out a lady eats meat, you become romantically uninterested. Would you be bothered if someone became uninterested in you because you DON’T eat meat? I’m bothered by it all the time.
Nobody ever told me they stopped being interested when they learned I’m vegan, but I’m pretty sure some did. I’m suspecting that’s one of the reasons it didn’t work out with my ex girlfriend.

Is it just the idea of their flavor that turns you off a meat eater, or their ethics, too?
It’s both. It can taste weird down there. To be an accomplished lover, a man has to lick and kiss intimate parts of his partner. If it tastes leatherish, or meaty, it’s a turnoff to me. Having sex with someone is not just about giving pleasure. It’s also about receiving. You can make funny jokes about guys vs. girls and who’s the true receiver, but in the end, if my experience is spoiled by pungent and reeky body odors and secretions, I prefer to watch some erotic Tumblr porn on my iPhone.

I need an iPhone… So you find the flavor of a woman to be particularly unpleasant if she eats meat, correct?

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Uhm, PETA released this interesting website just in time for V-day: Living with BWVAKTBOOM. That really long acronym stands for “Boyfriend Went Vegan and Knocked the Bottom Out Of Me.” Basically the entire site is dedicated to “tips” about how you can get ready for the insanely super-charged sexual prowess of your newly vegan boyfriend. I suppose this is in hopes of getting men to ditch meat and dairy. Remember when Jason Mraz blogged last month about how going vegan has super-charged his sex life? Or how about this trending Meme of Ryan Gosling sans shirt talking about straining tofu through cheese cloth—wetting the panties of vegan ladies all around.

MmmmNmmm

The PETA powered site gives tips to “sex proof” your house by mounting TVs on the wall and covering sharp edges; using industrial strength condoms; investing in a sex helmet and my very favorite tip? Cum goggles. What? “I quote: Your newly vegan boyfriend is sitting on a sexual howitzer. Protect your corneas from his turbocharged loads with OSHA-approved goggles.” Protect your corneas, people!

The site is meant to be funny! I get it!  But lots of vegans are pretty cranky about it because it has nothing to do with animal rights, which is what PETA is all about. Also it is sort of celebrating violent sex and PETA is all about non-violence. Actually, in case no one noticed, PETA is pretty aggressive. If PETA was a dude, he would come at you fast and hard and not stop until you’re unconscious, dripping with sweat and have finally conceded to throwing out all of your leather boots. NOT MY LEATHER. Calm down, people! The site is clearly  just a ploy to get men to go vegan. But what about women? Every woman wants to have killer mattress moves, too! I’ve never been with a vegan guy so I can’t vouch for their stamina but I can say that since I went vegan I have more energy in every aspect of my life, so of course this translates to the bedroom. Plus my body feels better, which gives me more confidence.

And as for BWVAKTBOOM? I don’t care how good the sex, I do not want anyone to ever, ever “knock the bottom out of me.” Shudder.

Watch the commercial to see this poor girl walking around like she just got gang-banged and hear about how her boyfriend went vegan and could suddenly “bring it like a tantric porn star.” Oh boy. Poor Jessica. Note how she went out to get him a nice bag of Romaine ever after he pulverized her lady bits with his super-charged lettuce-munching robo-cock.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0vQOnHW0Kc] Read More →

Dear Adriana Lima, thank you for making me care about football.

You can always tell how busy I am when I haven’t posted any new food or sex fun on here in a few days. This last week has been slamming me hard, with new projects at work, assignments that need attention  and fun events to attend.  On Super Bowl Sunday my buddy and bossman over at the vegan culture portal  iEatGrass.com, super-chef Ayinde Howell, threw an awesome pop-up event in Brooklyn at The West. Ayinde’s vegan pop-up restaurant brand, Wildflower, has been featured all over, from VegNews to Grub Street. We had a great time on Sunday feeding vegans and football fans alike. Somewhere around 40 people showed up (we got the word out via NYC Vegan EatUP) and the menu included barbeque seitan sammies with ranch coleslaw, loaded quinoa nachos, pizza bagel sliders, his famous Mac N Yease ( triple gasm!) and more. People no joke showed up with Tupperware begging to take left-over Mac N Yease home–it’s that good.

Behind the scenes in the Wildflower Super Bowl Kitchen!

While I could care less about sports, I was happy the Giants won if only because I found myself in Grand Central at midnight, and being surrounded by New Yorkers when their team just lost would have been more terrifying than being tied to a chair in Times Square during the zombie apocalypse.  If you have never checked out iEatGrass, you should! This month marks its 2 year anniversary, which is exciting. While you’re over there, be sure to poke around  my column, The Lusty Vegan. Or don’t.

The first course! BBQ Seitan Sammy. Yeah. I ate that.

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Look Ma! Teeth!

This is my second Bloggers Unite post, about a blending of blogging between me and my friend Nick, music, film, TV and pop culture enthusiast from The Littlest Winslow. Nick is on an Epic Film Quest to watch every single movie that has ever won a Best Picture award. The way our united blogging occurs is we watch a movie and eat some food and then we both write about it! Last time I wrote about watching the movie Rebecca and eating Green Papaya Salad.

This time, we watched Rain Main and I cooked up a vegan meal of Thrice Fried Rice for Nick (and his lovely fiancé Em tried it, too). You see, Nick is not a vegan but his lady does like to eat healthy, which means he also eats healthy often. We also share a love for spicy food, so we knew our dish had to be kickin’. Nick is sort of skeptical about veganism, which he has admitted he thinks is trendy now. (For once, I got into something two years BEFORE the trend, instead of two years AFTER. ) So, I wanted to hypothetically tear off his pants with the awesomeness of delicious vegan eating. He will be blogging about this, and about his experience with vegan food. You should read his blog post, or else!

While we cooked, we jammed to Bif Naked–super foxyfresh vegan canadian rocker–as a pre-game of sorts because I will be interviewing her next week! Eee! She is so cool and I can’t wait. Nick turned me on to her so I have him to thank. THANKS, NICK.

Here is the recipe for my Thrice Fried Rice. Why thrice? Because I fry the tofu twice before adding it to the rice and refrying. Also, we watched Rain Man. I love Dustin Hoffman but Tom Cruise is basically the worst actor EVER and his performance in this movie was predictably despicable.

Get in me!

Thrice Fried Rice
Serves 4/prep time: 15 minutes/ Cook time: 20-30 minutes

You Will Need:

2 cups cooked brown rice
1 block extra firm tofu, cut into cubes
2 carrots, roughly chopped
1 cup peas (frozen is fine!)
1 yellow onion, roughly chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 ½ cups mushrooms, roughly chopped
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger (or 1 teaspoon dried ginger)
2 tablespoons fresh chopped basil (or 1 1/2 teaspoons dried)
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2-3 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce or tamari
2 tablespoons Earth Balance or your favorite vegan spread
oil for frying

Helpful tips:
If you press your tofu first, it will brown quicker.

Cooking your rice the day before (or night before, if you have a rice cooker!) makes this dish take less time.

To Make:

Step one
Put 1 tablespoon of oil in a wok or large pan, heat over medium high. Add cubed tofu and brown on all sides, stirring often to keep from burning, 5-8 minutes.

Step two
Remove tofu and put on a plate lined with paper towels.  Blot with more paper towels and let cool for 2-3 minutes. Then, put another tablespoon of oil into wok and repeat step one. In the last minute of frying, add 1 tablespoon soy sauce. Cook, then remove. Tofu will be crisp and golden!

Step two! It's good to look scared while cooking.

Step three
Remove tofu again. Put Earth Balance in wok and add carrots and onion. Sautee until onion is translucent and carrots are just beginning to soften—not mushy! About 3-4 minutes. Stir constantly to prevent burning.

Step four
Add mushrooms, peas, garlic and all spices to pan. Cook 2-3 minutes.

Step five
Add rice, tofu, rest of soy sauce and mix well. Cook 5-8 minutes.

Step five. Rice art!

Voila! Swoon to the crooning of Bif Naked.  Enjoy your meal doused in Sriracha or your favorite hot sauce. Watch a good movie with a bad actor in good company.

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Celebs Agree, Veganism Makes You Better In Bed
Well, at least one celeb.  Jason Mraz wrote in his blog that he has been a vegan for the past 4 months, and on top of feeling stronger, fitter and more productive, he is also better in bed! Not sure where he is accruing his data or what, exactly, he means by “better” but I would love to get the opinion of his fiancé, Tristan Prettyman (who has a fantastic last name).

Condoms Conquer Porn
It’s finally happened; the LA City Council has given last approval to a city ordinance requiring porn stars to wear condoms while getting freaky on film. This ordinance has been lurking for years, backed by the Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation. While safe sex isn’t what you think of when you hear “porn,” hopefully it will help to deter the commonly held POV that if you bleach your asshole you’re impervious to HIV.

Check out Ron Jeremy’s take on it.

“Donkey Punch” Makes Debut as  Answer on Jeopardy
Okay well sort of but not really..
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AorrF2ATGtA]

Dry Humping, Otherwise Known as “Sandwich Dancing,” makes way to White House

A funny account from the Onion reported that a “meticulously researched, entirely unrequested report from the Interior Department assessing dry humping as a suitable sex alternative for teenagers,” landed on the desks of  White House officials last week.  Apparently, officials are confused because no one mandated this heavily researched report. Let me tell you, that this is not a new trend. As someone who still FEELS like a teenager, my memories of humping someone’s leg in a basement do not seem so distant. I spewed coffee out of my nose when I read the following about the trend of  “sandwich dancing.” This activity occurs when two partners interlock legs and grind their genitals together in rhythm with popular music. Read it here.

Bill Gates Says “Embrace GMOs or Starve”
Gates, who has spent millions fighting to end hunger and poverty in Africa and Asia, makes a statement that if countries  do not embrace modern agriculture (ie, genetically modified crops), their citizens will starve. Bummersauce. I’m sure the organic produce industry is thrilled. Gates sort of saves face by addressing that yes, GMOs can be dangerous–and then  he likens them to drugs. Hmmmm.  

“I think the right way to think about GMOs is the same way we think about drugs,” Gates said in an interview. “Whenever someone creates a new drug, you have to have very smart people looking at lots of trial-based data to make sure the benefits far outweigh any of the dangers.

“You can’t be against all drugs, but drugs in general are not safe.”

Read it on Huffington Post.

And just because it’s Wednesday, here is a photo of cupcakes that look like vaginas. No, I did not make them, and no, I doubt they are vegan, but they sure are uhm, creative.

I found these at pantiesupskirtdown.wordpress.com – I am smitten with you, @DangerousLee!
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...yeah

In an act of impulsivity, a few months back I signed up for the Tough Mudder competition, an insane series of endurance tests designed by the British Special Forces that run somewhere between 10 and 12 miles in length and feature 20-30 ridiculous obstacles along the way. The event, which you sign up for in teams, tests strength and endurance as well as grit and camaraderie. Many of the obstacles cannot be done without the help of your fellow mudders. Obstacles get a bit insane (crawling under live electric wires, anyone?). The event I signed up for is in April and I am currently “training”—how one trains to crawl under electric currents or swim through ice-water, I don’t know.

Tough Mudder events are held all over the country and while I am sure everyone who completes it feels like a bad ass ( I feel bad ass just for signing up…), at the end of the season the top 5 percent from all of the competitions are eligible to compete in the “World’s Toughest Mudder,” the winner of which is crowned the “Toughest Man or Woman on the Planet.”

When most people think of a ‘vegan’ they probably think of some skinny crunchy hemp-wearing hippie stretched out on a yoga mat or rolling in some dirt. Despite the fact that there are tons of super strong vegan athletes, that isn’t the image that comes to the minds of most when you mention that someone is vegan. So you can imagine how happy (and impressed) I was when I learned last week that the female winner of the 2011 World’s Toughest Mudder was not only a vegan, but a vegan in her early 40s. Juliana Sproles, a 43 year old vegan athlete sponsored by Boku foods, won the 24-hour challenge with two frost bitten toes. Way to break stereotypes, and be completely ninja, Sproles!

Sproles, looking like a warrior. No big deal.

The World’s Toughest Mudder is so intense you have to sign a death waiver, and while 800 (half-robot?) athletes started out, only 50 finished.

Watch this video clip taken with 4 hours left to the competition in which Sproles, who is nicknamed “The Shark,” talks about camaraderie and the spirit of Tough Mudder.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKXKXoFS2C0]

 I think this is a victory for vegans all over. Okay, gonna go stick utensils in electrical outlets in preparation. Or maybe just run and lift some weights. That could help, too.

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What could be more perfect for SexyTofu than an interview with a vegan adult film star? Read on as I dish with Kimora Klein, a half Black, half Asian saucepot who kicked off her porn career on Bang Bros—you know, the one where they drive around in a van looking for girls to bang. Not only is she a dish, but she has brains to boot, and loves to cook! (Stay tuned for a topless vegan cooking show, perhaps?) In the following interview, we talk about her recent near-fatal car accident, and I ask her for her professional opinion on the whole “vegans shouldn’t swallow” plague. Yes plague. Oh, and oral sex tips!

Z: Alright well we can start with food and work our way into juicier stuff from there. How long have you been vegan?
KK: I’ve been vegan since mid-2008.

What made you make that switch?
It’s funny, I didn’t intentionally decide to go vegan. After I moved out of my parents’ house in Miamito school in Chicagomy grocery shopping habits developed. I didn’t know how to cook meat and was kind of grossed out just at the idea of handling raw meat. I never really liked milk, so it didn’t ever cross my mind to buy it. I just naturally developed a vegan diet and after OTHER people started calling me a vegan, I started to fine-tune my diet and cut out less obvious things like gelatin. I educated myself on why someone would intentionally go vegan and it just made sense.

What’s your favorite thing about veganism?
I can honestly say that I get sick less often and that I can eat a lot without feeling weighed down.

Do you think it boosts your sex appeal?
To the veggie demographic, definitely. Otherwise, I haven’t heard from others.

Do you see any correlation between good food and good sex?
I do! It’s true, vegans “taste better.” Pineapple makes a difference, sure, but not eating red meat or lots of dairy makes a HUGE difference.

What’s your favorite thing to cook?
My favorite thing to cook is dumplings. Well, not necessarily “cooking” them but making them. I’m one of those very hands-on people, if you didn’t figure that already.

I bet you are! Okay, changing lanes. You were in an accident not too long ago. Tell me what happened.
I don’t remember anything really. I was told that a work van T-boned me on my driver’s side on the highway. I broke my hips, jaw, collarbone and punctured a lung. Also I lacerated my liver. I had to be incubated for a few days and then I was inpatient in between the ICU and a rehabilitation hospital because I had to learn how to walk, breathe, and talk normally again.

Have things changed since then? Are you fully recovered?
The whole ordeal claimed a good 6 to 7 months of my life and I’ll be dealing with the aftermath (I now have osteoarthritis) for the rest of my life. I still have really random terrible hip pain have metal implants in my jaw which sometimes bother me. I permanently lost feeling in my lower jaw line, chin and bottom lip. If you were to see me on the street, you’d never know anything happened to me unless you saw the incision scar on my neck from surgery though. I’m able to do pretty much everything I used to, just not for too long of a time or too strenuously.

Has it affected your career at all, positively or negatively?
I’d say both. I got the craziest outpouring of love and support when everyone found out what had happened. Because it was a life-changing experience, I’d say positive. There were a couple moments in the first few hours after where they thought I wasn’t going to make it and I had a lot of time to evaluate my life and what I wanted to do with myself. The only negative thing I’d say is just all the stress and physical pain I went though, and probably the fact that it’s going to be a lot harder to find companies that’ll want to shoot a girl with scars like I have.

I know you got into adult entertainment with Bang Bros. But now that you’re established, tell me what attracts you to a job.
Well porn gigs are exactly that when you’re not contracted to work with a specific company. At the time before my accident I was just kind of going for whatever was reputable. My main concern is seeing existing content or website/DVDs, otherwise I usually don’t bother. I especially appreciate more artsy fartsy erotica and hardcore rather than your usual “gonzo” and “reality” stuff.

I’m interested in what your contracts are like; any bizarre or interesting things you have to sign off on?

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Few things make me want to sob with joy and vomit simultaneously. Weddings are one of these things.

Awww. (shudder)

The time is upon me—everyone I know is starting to get married. There have already been a few—I was a bridesmaid at my college room-mate’s wedding in June—but within the next 5 years I suspect I will be getting a plethora of lace-trimmed invitations in the mail reminding me that everyone I know is much more advanced in life than I am. And the worst part about the invitations? Aside from the fact that I will again be that weird single friend drinking too much in the corner and sobbing during the ceremony because despite my strange fear of getting married I am a hopeless romantic? The little card that comes with the invitation requiring me to check “chicken” or “fish” (or steak or whatever omnivorous things are being offered).

I went as the “Plus One” to a wedding this past weekend, and despite it being a ton of fun—the (pregnant) bride mooned us, tongued her groom inappropriately at every occasion, and her grandmother did shots of tequila—the food situation was incredibly awkward. A buffet situation is much easier to maneuver than a sit-down dinner, because I would feel uncomfortable making any sort of special request—it’s not my day to wear white and have everyone stare at me. Since I knew this wedding was a pretty fancy schmancy sit-down affair, I assumed I would be able to eat nothing, so I brought a ton of snacks which I ate in the car like a half-starved squirrel. At  dinner, the waiter—who spoke no English, I believe he was some sort of eastern European—asked if I wanted filet mignon or monkfish. I said neither, and nicely explained that I wouldn’t be eating dinner, because I don’t eat meat. He blinked at me a few times and walked away. When he brought me soup—lobster bisque—I again said “no, thank you.” I tried not to be disrespectful; I know it can be offensive when someone doesn’t want to eat your food. Again, I explained I don’t eat meat. Or dairy! We got a bit lost in translation; him gesturing wildly at the empty place setting in front of me, me seriously considering taking my glass of wine and  hibernating under the skirt of the white linen tablecloth until the meal was over. Eventually he asked me if he could bring me some juice…At least I think that is what he said, because I said yes but no juice ever appeared. Just more wine. And champagne. And wine. And…

After watching this awkward exchange of conversation, the friend sitting next to me suggested that perhaps I should learn an obscure language so if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I can begin babbling in Papiamento so the affronter will leave me alone. And then the dapper gentleman on the other side of me–a complete stranger, mind you–said “so, you’re one of those vegans huh?” Yep, I replied. “Like Hitler…” was his response. Oy Vey! (Also Hitler was a vegetarian not a vegan so hah, I win.)

So tell me your awkward social situations? What kind of food do you keep in your purse/man-purse to eat like a weird socially awkward rodent? Have you ever been to a ceremony where the vows included the line “I take you, biggest pain in the ass I have ever met…?” I have. Do you cry at weddings? I do I do I do.

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Shout out from the New Yorker

Today is world vegan day. I am celebrating tonight by having a hummus party. What does a hummus party consist of, you are wondering? Making a whole lot of hummus, with friends, because my friends also get excited about hummus. We will then dip a plethora of things into the hummus, and eat the hummus while talking about life (boys), family (boys and sex), work (sex and boys) and sex (sex). Really, this has nothing to do with World Vegan Day, I would do this on any given Tuesday, but I had to write SOMETHING now didn’t I? How are you celebrating your veganism today?

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