Happy Thanksgiving everybody. I love any holiday that centers around food, and in America, that is every holiday. Unfortunately, traditional American Thanksgiving fare is not vegan. And while you can easily veganize most sides by omitting butter, it’s a bit harder with the main dish…Poor turkeys. So what’s a hungry vegan to do? Well you could go out and get a Tofurkey, but I refuse to eat anything with such a nonsensical name. Plus, they are full of processed crap and come out of the frozen food section. No thanks! Here is what I am making for Thanksgiving.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I will be unbuttoning my pants and thanking the world I have a family who loves me enough to leave the butter out of all the Thanksgiving sides.

Thanksgiving is a great time for families all over America. It is, however, a terrible time for turkeys all over America. In Eating Animals, Jonathan Safran Foer comes to the conclusion that turkeys may bear the worst of animal cruelty, and I don’t want to get into it here because it makes ME SO MAD. Even though I think turkeys are hideous, and they look like they have mutated genitalia hanging off their chins, I love them and respect them and think they are wonderful in an awkward Aw-Look-At-That-Cute-Old-Man sorta way so it pains me to think of them stuffed in cages and debeaked and defeathered and…

Mother Nature is cruel, and I am so sorry

However, as much as I am anti-EatABird on Thanksgiving, I will tell you who is more anti-gobble, and that’s PETA. I support PETA. I think what they do is great. But damn if they don’t terrify me. And if they terrify me, a vegan, think about the fear they instill in omnivores everywhere! Don’t piss off PETA or you will be enjoying your lunch at the Four Seasons one day and then BOOM someone has thrown a dead maggot infested raccoon on your plate! True Story.

So here is an ad that PETA wanted to run during a slot in this year’s Macy’s Day Parade showing but it was rejected by NBC.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjKRxa7ZyMs] Another interesting PETA Thanksgiving campaign, also directed at children, is the following:

Now I sort of don’t agree with marketing anything to children, and I won’t get into rant No. 95776 about why I will home school my children and refuse to let them watch television, but real talk stop aiming your marketing campaign at children! It’s like mugging a cripple! Too damned easy and wrong on so many levels. I would LOVE all children to grow up vegan on their own agendas, but I don’t want them to be scared into it. When I was 6 I watched a Save the Children ad on TV and it made me so miserable I called immediately and donated all of my money–a whopping one dollar–to the cause. They sent me pamphlets until I turned 18. Kids are sensitive! Leave them be.

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