Uhm, what? If you are confused by that title, don’t worry. I am too.
Recently, an article surfaced on Tree Hugger talking about how pubic lice, aka crabs, are becoming extinct due to “lack of habitation.” The article notes briefly that a study showed 80 percent of US college students are trimming or fully removing all of their pubes, and as a result, crabs are dying out.
While not many of us are boohooing about the lack of crabs crawling around our fellow bar-goers panties or boxer-briefs, it’s still important to note how a small change in human behavior can impact organisms around us. (Cough. Veganism. Sorry, I had to!)
But that’s not what fascinated me about this pubey article. It was the study mentioned. I looked into this study, and was immediately enthralled. But first, let’s just talk about pube trends for a moment, shall we? Continue reading →
Tuesday was National Orgasm Day. I hope you celebrated accordingly. In lieu of the holiday, Alex from our Lusty Vegan Facebook group posted an article addressing new statistics showing that men fake orgasms too.
The article gave me a slew of mixed feelings and perhaps a bit of high blood pressure. I’m glad men are copping to the fact that they, just like their ladypartners, fake orgasms. I wish, of course, that no one was faking orgasms and that everyone was having real orgasms all the time, but I also wish the entire men’s Water Polo Team woke me up every morning by coming into my bedroom and serving me up a steamy hot…er…latte. Not impossible, just a bit unrealistic. Damn.
The real faux-beef I had with the article was not the statistics exposed, but the tone of the writer, Peter Lloyd. He seems to believe that men have been trained by the media and culture to always put women’s satisfaction first.
“Finally, after years of programmes like Sex and the City claiming that a man’s duty is a woman’s sexual satisfaction (and never vice versa – after all, that would be sexist), men seem willing to admit that girls don’t always get it right either. ” Continue reading →
What? You have a large intestine? Girl, you nasty.
Back in June, I went down to Tennessee to check out Bonnaroo with a handful of my lady friends. We didn’t get to shower for 6 days, and things got a bit dirty. At the campsites, everyone’s tents were on top of each other, so we overheard a lot of really great conversation snippets, like the couple arguing because the boy kept spilling bong water all over his girlfriend’s shoes.
“YOU SPILLED BONGWATER ON MY SHOES!”
“It smells good!”
“IT SMELLS LIKE BONG!”
One evening I overheard a guy saying his last girlfriend used to fart in front of him, and it “ruined it” for him. “Some girls just ruin the mystery, you know,” he said. You know. The mystery of the fact that we, like most humans, have an asshole. I also felt bad for him because I assumed he had probably overheard some conversation snippets emanating from OUR tent. We had a lovely discussion about our lack of bathing opportunities over the past week which was creating something we called “crotch wine.” I wonder what that ruined for him.
I understand that some people want to keep the mystery alive in order to remain sexually alluring. I also understand that some are shy, and talking about bodily functions in front of someone they hope will later be all upinside them can be embarrassing! Or maybe some just think these things are gross. But if you’re gonna date someone long term, then at SOME point you need to be able to talk about bodily functions and a variety of other things that some couples have issues addressing. Let me go over them. Continue reading →
I don’t remember who this guy is, and I can’t believe he wore this in public, but he has the right idea!
I want you to do a little experiment. Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a very safe space, where no one will ever know what you’re thinking…and then think about what you want, sexually.
Now imagine asking your partner for those very same things. Did your face squinch up like you’re cleaning cat litter? Did you get all sorts of anxious and self conscious? No? Good for you, A+ in sexual entitlement.
But for most of us, our sexuality is wrapped up with a whole lot of anxiety. Am I too big? Am I too small? Do I come too quickly? Does it take me too long to come? Why can’t I come at all? Am I doing this right? When it comes to sex, feeling abnormal is normal. Continue reading →
Sexual Prime! It sounds like some weird sexier version of Law and Order SVU. Huff Post let loose an article this week responding to a new survey that showed women hit their “sexual prime” at 28—which is younger than I had thought. I had always been under a wonky impression that women hit their prime in their late 30s, while men hit their prime in their early 20s, which is why cougaring was a major life goal of mine…Pfft, way to mislead me, Samantha from Sex in the City. You bitch.
It’s important to note that this survey, put out by the sex toy company LoveHoney, was not scientific–but it did poll over 1,200 people.
After reading the results of the survey (which actually said nothing about 28, instead saying 30 is the right number—WTF, Huff Po!) what I really honed in on was the fact that when people stated they are having the BEST sex did not coincide with when they are having the MOST sex. Continue reading →
I have been a self-proclaimed wild child since the 7th grade when I first started looking at boys like that. I found myself open to the weird, wild and wonderful at a relatively young age. I credit my unrelenting urge for thrills to that, and the freedom I was granted by a household which had little rules to keep my eyes shut to the world as a maturing young lady.
But I knew my limits. I knew not to do any hard drugs or elope a day after I turned 18 years-old with the hunky 25 year-old I met at the mall. I guess this understanding came to me- with the help of meeting lots of different people. I went out with my friends, drank beer underage and got into a little trouble, but only enough to make me who I am today.
Here I am!
My name is Sarah Mastroni and I am a blogger over at SarahontheGo.com. Z is one of my dearest friends and I admire her passion for writing, but most notably, I love how bravely she takes on the topic of sex.
Sex is not easy to talk about. So many people get bent out of shape about it. I learned along the way that sex is wonderful. The nature of this topic in general is beautiful, whether you are getting all types of freaky-deaky on your lover or making passionate love, sex is the amazing ability to forget the crap that the world deals to us and enjoy raw ecstasy.
Z may be more used to the topic of sexuality, but I am going to try my hand at this sex-chatter with a brief list of…
“Things People Look Down on You For But Are So Totally Okay to Do.” Continue reading →
I recently read an interesting take on gender stereotypes from girlonthenet, about the assumption that men want to have sex ALL THE TIME and that any woman can have sex any time she wants, always. This assumption leads many women to feel horrible and abnormal when sexual rejection rears its ugly head—as it does on the regular for all sexes involved.
The blogger addressed another post, in which a man gives advice to his daughter that all the men she meets just want to sleep with her. He also says that you should just break up with someone if you’re having issues, and let me tell you, this outlook is the reason the divorce rate in America is so freakin’ high…excuse me while I hyperventilate. This man almost, ALMOST redeems himself when he says his daughter should eat her veggies and learn to masturbate. He then seems to make the generalization that white girls masturbate more than other ethnicities. Since I am a white girl who masturbates, will someone else fill me in on this?
It’s true that while many men you meet as a woman may want to sleep with you, not all men will. Believing all men want to bone you will make it hard for you to have platonic friends of the opposite sex, and it will make it more painful when you realize, gee, not everyone wants to hogtie you and smother your naked body in cooking grease, or whatever you’re into…. Continue reading →
Earlier this week I wrote about “Orgasms for Equality,” or the way that society seems to think male pleasure should take precedence over female. I got some terrific emails from readers following the post, and one was from reader Sam who is having some issues communicating her needs to her boyfriend—who seems to center their sexy time around himself.
She notes that she loves her boyfriend, that he is a great guy and that their chemistry is terrific, so my guess is that he is clueless, not cruel. She says that on all other fronts, their relationship is a good one. However, she also mentioned that her guy has actually complained about her sexual prowess, complaining about some things she is or is not doing, while at the same time he isn’t spending time on foreplay, prefers to be submissive when Sam herself is turned on by being dominated, and well, to quote “all I can think is that I don’t compare to his previous experiences or the porn stars he fantasizes about…”
Yikes! Okay, so what is really missing from this situation is NOT a specific position or hot new toy—what’s missing is communication. Sam wrote:
“I’ve been trying to remedy this by slowly integrating noises, putting his hands on my hot spots, getting dolled up for him, and watching redtube to learn new tricks.”
Sam, your guy seems to have communicated some of his preferences by complaining—which is not the best way to go about it, but does count as communication. Now that you know how much it hurts to have someone complain about your bedroom skills, use it as a guideline for what NOT to do. And try not to be offended—everyone likes something different, and a sexual connection changes from couple to couple. Maybe your last boyfriend loved for you to pay attention to his balls and your new guy shrivels up like a toddler in a tub the second you touch them—it isn’t you, it’s just a difference in taste. Continue reading →
In our society women have been socialized to think that male pleasure is more important than female pleasure. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Don’t believe me? Would you think it weird if, during a steamy sex sess, the man came and the woman did not? No, this happens all the time. Of course, there are a hundred factors that could play into this: some women are pre-orgasmic so an orgasm isn’t currently on the table for them at all. Perhaps they take a long time to reach orgasm, or their partner isn’t sure how to get them there, or the communication is off, or or or! But what I asked was would you think it WEIRD? No, probably not.
Now, would you think it weird if the man didn’t come? I polled some friends, male and female. They guys said—aside from factors like drunkenness or medical conditions—it is unlikely that they have sex and don’t come. The women said it is unlikely they have a sex session and come “from sex alone.” So if they or their partner don’t put in a little extra work to get them there, they don’t come; this seemed to be a widely accepted thing.
Okay let’s put it another way. Women: how often have you gone down on your guy without ever receiving or expecting anything in return? Just a playful early morning blow? Yeah? How often has your guy gone down on you without the situation ending in reciprocation?
Many relationships work this way and because our society has been trained to think this is alright—that male pleasure takes precedence over female—not many people seem to openly voice their issues. Additionally, it makes sense from a biological point—men need to produce semen (typically, but not always, accompanied by orgasm) for conception. Women don’t need to come for conception to occur—although some fertility studies find that it may help.
I always hear men complaining about how much easier it is for women to have sex. The whole stale argument: Most women can walk into any bar and find someone to have sex with if they really want. Men have to work harder for it. Well, fine. But once a man and a woman are in bed, women have to work a lot harder for their orgasms. Stereotypically, if a man and a woman get into bed together, it can be assumed that the man is going to come. It can only be hoped that the woman will.
Part of this problem is because of how we have been trained to think this is alright, and part of it is due to lack of communication. It is surprising how many couples are fine with having sex but are scared to talk about it. If a woman isn’t coming regularly, this is often not discussed for fear of bruising the male ego or because the woman thinks there is something wrong with her. This is also why orgasms are faked.
I’ve only been having sex for a decade; but I spent the majority of those years pre-orgasmic, thinking I was one of the small percentage of women who simply cannot (or just do not ever) orgasm. It turns out no one (myself included!) had taken the time to patiently get me there—and no one had really understood that they should. I didn’t understand, either. In long-term relationships this type of sexual dissatisfaction (even when it isn’t fully understood) will harbor as resentment, bubble up to the surface and spoil things faster than a car full of milk in July.
I am not blaming any gender for this. I have talked to guys who had no idea if their girlfriends were coming at all, or how regularly, simply because nobody is addressing it. In a balanced sexual relationship, both men and women should be coming regularly. Orgasms for equality! Stop the oh-oh-oh-pression! Okay, that’s enough now.
Take on this? Have women been socialized to focus on male pleasure? Why?
Yeah yeah, this compilation probably should have come about in January, when 2012 lists were more prevalent. But, I am always a few months (years) behind trends, and also I hated January. My January 2012 will forever go on the list of The Shittiest Months Ever, right next to April 2003 when I found out my boyfriend was gay and got suspended from school on my birthday. SO, in January I was too busy raving like a loon to compile a list of songs to get down to. Sorry I’m not sorry!
Here are 12 juicy jams, ranging from sweet and slow to fast and freaky, in no particular order. And don’t forget that you can get down to these solo! And of course, remember that Audio Arousal ninja sex fantasy? These would be perfect tunes to pump out of your hipster headphones.
1. Cat Power, “Where is my Love?” Actually I want to have sex to basically every song off of her album, The Greatest. Cat Power is either adored or abhorred for starting off releasing a couple of albums comprised of covers. But her versions of “New York,” “Woman Left Lonely” and “Metal Heart” have my underwear around my ankles so fast I can’t complain. In fact, I seem to have been conditioned Pavlovian style to begin removing articles of clothing the moment I hear her, which is an issue because she is also my favorite artist this year to cook to.
2. Lady Gaga. “Government Hooker.” Lady Gaga is nuts, and most of her songs would be good to get naked to if you’re in a crazy “make a hat out of tinfoil” kind of mood. This hard-hitter makes me want to dominate in a closet-sized, sand-filled hotel room in P-Town.
3. DJ Kaos, “Love the Night Away” (Tiedye Mix). Good beat, sort of funky, with a nice feeling that can set the mood anywhere between passionate and sloppy. Can’t go wrong with anything with a line like “my body needs to talk to you.”
oldschool
4. Die Antwoord, “I Fink U Freeky.” This is something I would have suggested as a half-joke in my college sex-column. This South African hip-hop group is terrifying. So terrifying that this track makes me want to get naked. The video, however, does NOT make me want to get naked so do not watch it if you plan to have sex to the song, because it will probably ruin it for you. Unless scary inbred-looking hillbillies, snakes, roaches and rats turn you on. Then it will probably enhance the experience…
5. Kings of Leon, “Milk.” With throaty vocals, this sensual song has an ideal pace that goes from slow to fast. It’s gotta be sexy…What do you think they mean when they talk about “salty leave”….
6. Norah Jones, “I Wouldn’t Need You.” I just love Norah Jones; she’s jazzy. This song is good for some slow lovin’ on a Sunday afternoon.
7. Scarlett Johansson, Falling Down. Say what? ScarJo does more than look like a total fox in Woody Allen movies? This surprisingly good Tom Waits cover features David Bowie singing back-up, and if that isn’t enough to make you want to get off to it, then I suspect you have a colon in place of your sex organs.
8. Tommy James & The Shondells, “Crimson and Clover.” This classic is nice and saucy and slow and has a terrific build-up at the end. My college room-mate was obsessed with this song, and with the idea of having sex to it. This one’s for you, B!
9. Air, “Playground Love.” I first heard this song in my favorite depressing film of all time, The Virgin Suicides. It has a lovely sax riff floating throughout. It’s so slow moving it would probably be a good song to have sex to if you were really, really stoned and sloth-like. Lazy sex! (Lazy sex, in case you’re wondering, is sex had in the spoons position.)
10. Lykke Li, “Unrequited Love.” This slow song is actually pretty depressing, but so so so good. And, if you’re an over-grown emo high schooler (cough) then things that are slightly depressing may also actually turn you on. I want to remove a pair of blood-splattered skinny jeans with my teeth to this song.
11. Ozzy Osbourne, “Crazy Train.” A man pal of mine suggested this Ozzy classic. But he also suggested “I’m A Little Teapot” so I take most of his suggestions cum grano salis. It’s hard for me to get worked up to Ozzy because I remember watching his terrible reality TV show in high school, so I constantly envision him walking around screaming “Sharrrroooon” and complaining about one of his 50 dogs crapping in his living room.
12. Nine Inch Nails, “Only.” NIN’s “Closer” always gets kudos for being a terrific sex soundtrack, but my pal and fellow blogger Sarah from SarahOnTheGo recently suggested their less popular song, “Only.” I like. Its powerful, booming rhythm sets a stage for a good aggressive romp.
RT @jaredskolnick: Just overheard a guy say that art can't be entertainment or vice versa, so now I'm just looking for a copy of Fargo I ca… Sung 13 hours ago
Tuesday was National Orgasm Day. I hope you celebrated accordingly. In lieu of the holiday, Alex from our 
