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While talking to my friend, LG, recently, we stumbled on the topic of one night stands. I mentioned I hate them (okay maybe not hate, hate is for Hitler, my dad says…) and LG said “oh I don’t have one night stands. I’m all about the threepeat.”

The wah? LG went on to explain to me the inner workings of the threepeat—which apparently is originally some sports lingo but neither of us like sports so we didn’t get into it. LG’s threepeat involves sleeping with someone at least, you guessed it, three times. But there are rules and reasoning to this game!

The first is that you only have a threepeat with someone whose opinion you value. (I would like to think if you don’t value their opinion, you aren’t sleeping with them…I will assume that is what he meant.)

LG told me that he has found women often don’t get comfortable enough their first time sleeping with someone to thoroughly enjoy themselves. While he says this is most likely not true for all women, these are his findings. Additionally, a serial monogamist himself, LG often goes long stints without sex, so when he first sleeps with someone, he might be out of practice/over-excited and so he doesn’t exactly have his best game face on. Therefore, LG doesn’t like to leave em after the first time, for fear they aren’t satisfied because A they couldn’t get comfy or B he wasn’t up to par and/or they are going to go tell all of their friends (and his) that he sucked.

That is where the second round comes in. LG says he likes to land the second round within an hour or so after the first, after a nice session of pillow talk. This isn’t necessary but it’s what he prefers—if they leave unsatisfied they may not sleep with him again! During the second round LG likes to pull out all of his tricks (not sure what they are…) and make a good impression, make sure they’re totally satisfied and everyone is nice and sweaty and happy by the end.

THEN—and this is key!—he has to make sure at some point they go at it again. Why? Because if they have one round of good sex and one round of bad, the girl could assume that the good sex was a fluke and normally he is terrible. So, a third time is vital to ensure she understands he is phenomenal in the sack and no bad rumors will be spread. After that, he can continue sleeping with her if he likes her and whatnot but doesn’t feel compelled if he isn’t interested anymore. He usually does feel compelled, because he is a nice guy and, as I mentioned earlier, a serial monogamist.

I was very entertained by this whole thing, which LG has probably mulled over on his own and with buddies multiple times. I know girls come up with crazy schemes and rules about when they can sleep with people (not on the first date, not until the third date, not when drunk, only when drunk, etc, etc.) I didn’t realize guys thought the same. I guess I naïvely thought they were just happy to partake all the time, as the media portrays the male sex drive as a hyped-up golden retriever who won’t stop jumping on you/humping your leg/begging at the dinner table.

Any guys out there with crazy sex guidelines? I wanna know!

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NPR’s health blog, Shots, posted a juicy story on March 3rd about a study that found young people are actually choosing to abstain from sex, at least more so than in earlier years.  The post, titled “More Young People Scorning Sex, Study Finds” was reviewing the results from a study conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth and run from 2006 to 2008 which polled more 13,000 young individuals about their sex life. According to NPR, the study found that “27 percent of young men and 29 percent of young women ages 15 to 24 say they’ve never had a sexual encounter. That’s compared to 2002, when 22 percent of both men and women said they had never had any sort of sex.” So,  5-7 percent of young men and women are choosing to abstain from sex. I attribute this directly to the Jonas Brothers and their 2008 campaign for purity rings.

"Let's go home and play scrabble!"

 

In addition, a smaller number of teens seem to be substituting oral sex — which is often misconstrued as safer and therefore done sans protection — for traditional intercourse than in previous years.

As much as I would love to believe that the teens of today are getting smarter about sex, there is the cynical side of me that thinks perhaps they are just getting smarter about lying to interviewers who show up at their doorstep probing with questions about their sex life — sex life? what sex life. The study does conclude that the interviewers made these stops at random front doors, and although they did take necessary precautions (like having participants answer extremely personal questions by  typing answers into computers in case their moms were “listening from the kitchen”), they cannot be 100% positive of the accuracy of their answers. However, to improve the likelihood of honest responses, the study sent only women interviewers, and all in their 40s, which apparently is “ a nice non-threatening age.” Well that’s another reason to look forward to hitting the big 4 0..I can finally stop being so threatening.

Another interesting finding the study pulled up: twice as many women as men reported to having same-sex encounters, with 13 percent of women admitting to girl on girl action, as opposed to only 5.2 percent of men boasting queer encounters.

Aside from being super nosey ( I get it from my dad..), why should we care about the sex trends of the youth of America? Because according to the National Survey of Family Growth, half of all STIs occur among individuals 15-24 years of age, and the direct medical cost of these diseases to 15-24 year olds alone was estimated at $6.5 billion in the year 2000. This time, I blame Miley Cyrus and her green bra.

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While it might be a bit dated, I just found this yourtango.com article by Kristen Meinzer depicting the top sex trends of the 00′s. It’s pretty lengthy, so if you’re in a time crunch, here’s  a quick recap:

2000- The Year of Casual Sex- I was eleven when the millennium hit, so I guess I remember it as the year of casual making out in basements.

2001-The Year of Wedded Sex- This year showed a spike in marriage rates, possibly due to tragedy of September 11th and/or Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey tying the knot and then filming The Newlyweds..should have been called The Year of Terrible Reality TV. Oh wait, that is reserved for 2009 with the start of The Jersey Shore.

2002- The Year of The Dominatrix- Several movies and books featuring sadomasochism were released, along with a British  doll maker producing a Dungeon Doll Barbie. Wonder what Mattel had to say?

2003-Year of the Cougar- Way to go, Demi! Although I will never understand how anyone could give up Bruce Willis..she must not have seen Die Hard.

2004-The Year of the Sex Tape- Blah blah, Paris Hilton, blah blah Carrie Prejean.

2005- The Year of Knocking Up Your Girlfriend- I think this is pretty much an annual occurrence, but celebrities made it super trendy this year.

2006- The Year Without Panties- Celebs like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears decided it was cool to go commando while wearing mini skirts.

2007-The Year of the Threesome- Apparently a good year for a ménage à trois. Go figure.

2008-The Year of Gay- That’s more than a little offensive, but I guess it was a good year for gays as far as marriage legislation and celebrity outings..

2009-The Year of the Cheating- Tiger swings more than a golf club, along with Jon Gosselin and Josh Duhamel. Oy vay.

The yourtango.com article never got around to 2010, so I suppose I will have to label it myself.
2010- The Year of Sex Addiction- Tiger may have started it, but Dr. Oz certainly egged it on and before you could say “herpes,” everyone seemed to have it. Other celebs like David Duchovny and Russel Brand felt left out and checked in for treatment as well.

So what’s next for sex in 2011? Only time will tell, but I foresee social media continuing to grow to absurd heights including twexting, sexy thoughts to your @significantother in 140 characters or less. Avatar’s box office boom in 2010  will cause 3D animation to appear in places it shouldn’t— like porn. Apparently lace is making a comeback this year, and so celebrities (and Jersey Shore cast members) will probably begin wearing it sans underwear, so we have that to look forward to.

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I don’t really post about sex toys unless they are really intriguing. The Cone originally peaked my interest because of its shape– it looks like something I would either wear on my head at a birthday party or funnel beer from at a kegger. Aside from being interestingly shaped, it also caught my attention because of the hilarity of its website.  The claims made me chuckle: “So discrete it doesn’t need to be hidden away when company comes over.” Unless of course, that company has seen a Cone before. Then you can all sit around and feel awkward about it, or maybe it will be a nice conversation starter: “Have you tried out the ‘Orgasm’ button yet?” Really, it has an orgasm button.

Descriptions aside, the main reason I am even posting this gadget is because I  enjoyed the suggested position illustrations on the site.  All of the shadow figures, both men and women, who are enjoying the Cone all seem to be reading something while coning..I am guessing this is supposed to be porn, or maybe they are assuming Cone users are all very scholarly people, or that since Americans like to multitask they may as well advertise the fact that with the Cone, you can pay your bills/do your physics homework/ catch up on some current events while you masturbate. My favorite has to be either ‘on the way out’ (get worked up before a night-out) or ‘the lunge’ (reward yourself after a hard work-out).

borrowed from theconesextoy.com

borrowed from theconesextoy.com

The site even quotes Sue , the hilarious elderly host of the infamous late-night talk show “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson.” On the site, Sue boasts that her tester was “blown away by this toy.” C’mon now Suzy, no need to be discrete. We all know that by “your tester” you really mean “you.”  I’m onto you, you saucy minx.  The Cone not trendy enough for you? Check out the iBuzz…

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If it weren’t for my boyfriend, I wouldn’t know about anything. It took me three days to figure out Michael Jackson died, and I was walking around like an idiot thinking ugh, why is everyone playing Thriller? Today he clued me in on the controversy going on with the TSA involving the fact that many airport scanners now put all your bits and pieces on display. Talk about a lack of privacy. However, like any good American, someone quickly realized they could make a profit off of the fact not everyone is comfortable flashing total strangers. (Some people can be real prudes..) Someone clever created Flying Pasties, found at flyingpasties.com, a place where you can order pasties to well, paste, over your lady lumps-or whatever else you may be packin’. Even more ingenious, the  pasties say funny things like  “Only My Boyfriend Sees Me Naked.”  Of course, you can also custom create your own. I was thinking something like “Sorry, No Tassles” or “Okay, Now It’s Your Turn.” The only problem I had with the site was that I could see my shopping cart, but was unable to fill it with anything because I couldn’t find where to choose my pasties! Maybe I am spastic but I spent a good bit of time trying to navigate the site and kept coming up with cool news clips and the same repetitive picture of some hottie covered in different pasties. (By good bit of time, I meant like, 45 seconds. I’m impatient!) I ended up finding them, but it took way too long, and I left the site feeling stupid I had played such a long pastie game of  Where’s Waldo?, and full of pastie envy derived from said pastie hottie who clearly has more than her fair share of pastie love to spread around. Also it took me a while to figure out if the singular of pasties was pasty or pastie, and then I found the following picture which ruined my still fervent childhood love of Mary Kate and Ashley.

I thought they were going to go visit grandma...

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