With great anticipation throughout the past 6 months, PETA’s new porn site went live last week, www.peta.xxx.

The site, which showcases porn stars touting animal welfare (spay and neuter, folks!), is controversial for a variety of reasons, and many wonder if it is helping or hindering the cause. I mean, PETA has long been known for ridiculous, media attracting tactics, and no one can argue that sex sells. Remember their V-day ad that claimed vegans had such good sex, we need helmets and knee pads? Apparently “good” sex equals rough sex, and they (jokingly, mind you) said women should wear safety goggles so as to avoid getting blasted in the eye with potent vegan man seed? Or what about their awesomely raunchy super-bowl ad that shows women having a good time with their veggies?

As someone who is an advocate for both embracing sexuality and veganism, the new XXX site does amuse me. But some may argue it makes the cause look a bit ridiculous by clearly attracting attention for a not so sexy cause, through sex appeal. The site features Jenna Jameson, legend Ron Jeremy, and a personal darling of mine, Sasha Grey.

The site draws you in with promises of nudity and then slams you with some other graphic images that are not so sexy (think animal cruelty), so it is definitely an example of using sex to sell your point. But is this bad? I mean, all the cool kids are doing it, right? I also can’t help but wonder if all the porn stars on the site are actually vegan…if not, that would seem hypocritical. When Jenna Jameson says “Pleather yourself,” is she then going home, or to her next film set, to don actual leather?

If you click the “Why Nudity?” link on the site, PETA explains itself:

PETA’s mission is to put an end to animal suffering, and we use every available opportunity to spread this message—we always have, and we always will. Unfortunately, this is not always an easy task. Unlike our opposition, which is mostly made up of wealthy industries and corporations, PETA must rely on getting free “advertising” through media coverage. It’s a safe bet that many visitors to PETA.xxx didn’t set out to learn about how animals are mercilessly slaughtered on today’s factory farms; understandably, such topics are convenient to ignore. That’s why PETA must make our message impossible to forget—and launching a website with a .xxx domain name is one way that we can achieve that goal.

While the site gives me mixed feelings (to be honest, I think it is more R rated than XXX) what I really like about it is the “Sex Tips” page. When I first clicked it I was expecting some Cosmo-inspired babble, but it talks about how what we eat affects our sex drive, and goes over a bunch of different plant-based munchies we can take to fire ourselves up. Love this.

SO what do you think? Is this a good move for PETA, or no?

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Remember my rant on monkey-style sex last week, where I posted an excerpt from reader J Boybutter? Well, J Boybutter and I got to talking, and it turns out he is a vegansexual! You know…a vegan who won’t date a non-vegan.

I had never had the chance to actually dish with a vegansexual, so I was pretty tickled to learn this. In the following interview, J Boybutter tells me all about life as a vegansexual, and how to be an accomplished lover. And I apologize in advance that he uses the word “secretions,” which is my LEAST favorite word ever. Saying it is basically the No. 2 easiest way to make me squirm. The No. 1 way is to ball up your fist and put it in my armpit. Has anyone ever done that to you?! So weird! J does redeem himself, though, by also using the word cyprianophobia. Read on to learn what it means!

Also, note that English is not his first language. He is charmingly European. But he does so well with his English, that foxy polyglot!

How long have you been vegan?

I’ve was vegan from 1994 to 2000ish and then fell into the cheese habit for a couple of years and finally got out of it for good as a new years resolution. I went back to veganism in 2009 I’ve quit smoking a year later, mainly after seeing how the put monkeys under tests for cigarettes…. I loved smoking even though I knew it was bad for me. Quitting for the animals was easier. So, overall, I can say I’ve been vegan for about 9 years. Sorta. 6+3 = 9

Have you ever dated a non-vegan since you’ve been vegan?
 Yes, in late 1994, early 1995. I dated a non-vegan in the early 2000s and did have a one night stand with a non-vegan in summer 2009. I’ve never dated a vegan actually. So, I think you can either say I’m a vergan (vegan virgin) or a non-practicing vegansexual.

Now you say when you find out a lady eats meat, you become romantically uninterested. Would you be bothered if someone became uninterested in you because you DON’T eat meat? I’m bothered by it all the time.
Nobody ever told me they stopped being interested when they learned I’m vegan, but I’m pretty sure some did. I’m suspecting that’s one of the reasons it didn’t work out with my ex girlfriend.

Is it just the idea of their flavor that turns you off a meat eater, or their ethics, too?
It’s both. It can taste weird down there. To be an accomplished lover, a man has to lick and kiss intimate parts of his partner. If it tastes leatherish, or meaty, it’s a turnoff to me. Having sex with someone is not just about giving pleasure. It’s also about receiving. You can make funny jokes about guys vs. girls and who’s the true receiver, but in the end, if my experience is spoiled by pungent and reeky body odors and secretions, I prefer to watch some erotic Tumblr porn on my iPhone.

I need an iPhone… So you find the flavor of a woman to be particularly unpleasant if she eats meat, correct?

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Uhm, PETA released this interesting website just in time for V-day: Living with BWVAKTBOOM. That really long acronym stands for “Boyfriend Went Vegan and Knocked the Bottom Out Of Me.” Basically the entire site is dedicated to “tips” about how you can get ready for the insanely super-charged sexual prowess of your newly vegan boyfriend. I suppose this is in hopes of getting men to ditch meat and dairy. Remember when Jason Mraz blogged last month about how going vegan has super-charged his sex life? Or how about this trending Meme of Ryan Gosling sans shirt talking about straining tofu through cheese cloth—wetting the panties of vegan ladies all around.

MmmmNmmm

The PETA powered site gives tips to “sex proof” your house by mounting TVs on the wall and covering sharp edges; using industrial strength condoms; investing in a sex helmet and my very favorite tip? Cum goggles. What? “I quote: Your newly vegan boyfriend is sitting on a sexual howitzer. Protect your corneas from his turbocharged loads with OSHA-approved goggles.” Protect your corneas, people!

The site is meant to be funny! I get it!  But lots of vegans are pretty cranky about it because it has nothing to do with animal rights, which is what PETA is all about. Also it is sort of celebrating violent sex and PETA is all about non-violence. Actually, in case no one noticed, PETA is pretty aggressive. If PETA was a dude, he would come at you fast and hard and not stop until you’re unconscious, dripping with sweat and have finally conceded to throwing out all of your leather boots. NOT MY LEATHER. Calm down, people! The site is clearly  just a ploy to get men to go vegan. But what about women? Every woman wants to have killer mattress moves, too! I’ve never been with a vegan guy so I can’t vouch for their stamina but I can say that since I went vegan I have more energy in every aspect of my life, so of course this translates to the bedroom. Plus my body feels better, which gives me more confidence.

And as for BWVAKTBOOM? I don’t care how good the sex, I do not want anyone to ever, ever “knock the bottom out of me.” Shudder.

Watch the commercial to see this poor girl walking around like she just got gang-banged and hear about how her boyfriend went vegan and could suddenly “bring it like a tantric porn star.” Oh boy. Poor Jessica. Note how she went out to get him a nice bag of Romaine ever after he pulverized her lady bits with his super-charged lettuce-munching robo-cock.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I will be unbuttoning my pants and thanking the world I have a family who loves me enough to leave the butter out of all the Thanksgiving sides.

Thanksgiving is a great time for families all over America. It is, however, a terrible time for turkeys all over America. In Eating Animals, Jonathan Safran Foer comes to the conclusion that turkeys may bear the worst of animal cruelty, and I don’t want to get into it here because it makes ME SO MAD. Even though I think turkeys are hideous, and they look like they have mutated genitalia hanging off their chins, I love them and respect them and think they are wonderful in an awkward Aw-Look-At-That-Cute-Old-Man sorta way so it pains me to think of them stuffed in cages and debeaked and defeathered and…

Mother Nature is cruel, and I am so sorry

However, as much as I am anti-EatABird on Thanksgiving, I will tell you who is more anti-gobble, and that’s PETA. I support PETA. I think what they do is great. But damn if they don’t terrify me. And if they terrify me, a vegan, think about the fear they instill in omnivores everywhere! Don’t piss off PETA or you will be enjoying your lunch at the Four Seasons one day and then BOOM someone has thrown a dead maggot infested raccoon on your plate! True Story.

So here is an ad that PETA wanted to run during a slot in this year’s Macy’s Day Parade showing but it was rejected by NBC.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjKRxa7ZyMs] Another interesting PETA Thanksgiving campaign, also directed at children, is the following:

Now I sort of don’t agree with marketing anything to children, and I won’t get into rant No. 95776 about why I will home school my children and refuse to let them watch television, but real talk stop aiming your marketing campaign at children! It’s like mugging a cripple! Too damned easy and wrong on so many levels. I would LOVE all children to grow up vegan on their own agendas, but I don’t want them to be scared into it. When I was 6 I watched a Save the Children ad on TV and it made me so miserable I called immediately and donated all of my money–a whopping one dollar–to the cause. They sent me pamphlets until I turned 18. Kids are sensitive! Leave them be.

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I just finished reading Jonathan Safran Foer’s Eating Animals, and boy, did it fuck me sideways!

I thought I knew things about things! I mean, obviously I knew many terrors of factory farming, one of the largest reasons I don’t eat meat! But I can’t really stomach all those scary PETA videos so I don’t watch them because they give me nightmares, like the time in college I had to drop anatomy because I developed severe anxiety over the thrice weekly cadaver lab where I had to slice and dice an old dead lady that reminded me of my Nani!

Anyways, I love Foer’s fiction which was part of the reason I picked up the book. I once listened to Everything is Illuminated while driving to Va, and it may just have been the hilarious accents the guy reading the tape put on, but those 8 hours flew by. Foer, a life-long on again off again vegetarian (commitment issues!), starts researching factory farming after the birth of his son, as he is wondering what to feed him—meat, or no meat?—and where the food comes from. At the start of his journey Foer is a locavore, picky about where his meat comes from, but still eating it. By the end, he is a full on vegetarian. The book has some startling statistics, and it will be hard for me to hold my tongue the next time one of my good intentioned friends says “oh I only eat fish because they have no feelings.” (People don’t like to hear about their food being tortured, so I usually don’t rant about animal abuse  unless provoked…)

The title of the book states not only the obvious, that we eat animals, but also that WE are ANIMALS that EAT. It has great themes about food as the bond between people and traditions and families, about the importance of sharing a meal together and what it symbolizes, and a sprinkling of amusing anecdotes and Foer’s general easy-reading style of writing. Also, the first chapter makes a convincing (satirical) argument on why, common sense-wise, if we were to eat any animals, it should be dogs! Outrageous!

For some reason, whenever I refer the book to people I call it Feeding Animals instead of Eating Animals. I even wrote it a few times in this post and had to correct myself! I suppose I like the image of me at a happy farm feeding a sweet big-eyed cow some grass rather than me with a steak on my plate. Anyways…

Read it! Go!

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"Try my sausage!"

Last week two PETA activists lobbying to racing fans at the Grand Prix covered an interesting angle. While handing out meat-free sausages, the girls (dressed in sexy racing outfits, of course) explained to spectators that eating a vegetarian diet makes for better bedroom moves. Well, sort of.

“Animal proteins can block blood vessels and arteries to all organs, not just the heart, and result in a breakdown in the bedroom,” explained PETA’s Melissa Galianos. “So we’re encouraging people to get their protein from vegetables.” Their clever tie in for racing and vegetarian sausages? The activists hold signs reading “Rev Your Engine—Go Vegan!” The girls claimed that a vegan diet is better for the libido than taking sex drugs.

Of course, there will always be haters. The Dignified Rant blogger Brian J. Dunn posted about the occurrence on Sunday. His verdict? “Meat wins!” He continues with

Face it, vegetables are good. I eat them. But no vegetable can match the joy of eating even a cheap fast-food burger let alone an expensive cut of meat. I’m not ashamed of being at the top of the food chain–I’m grateful.

While Dunn covers the “joy of eating meat” and bangs his chest over making it to the top of the food-chain (no judgements!),  he sidesteps the actual claim made by the pleather-clad PETA gals, which is that remaining meat-free is better for your libido and will lead to squeaky clean arteries, resulting in a Viagra-free life in the boudoir. How is your sex life, Dunny?

Also, totally unrelated but check out this sweet-ass (literally) PETA ad featuring Jack Ass star Steve-O:

Released into the public domain by PETA.

Image via Wikipedia

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Eat Your Veggies!

I love when sex and vegetables come together! Well, no, not actually, that’s not true at all, veggies should be kept in the field, the fridge or on your plate. But I do love when I get to talk about sex and veganism simultaneously.

Peta recently had their Super Bowl ad, which stated that vegetarians have better sex (duh!), banned for being too racy. Basically, the ad was of a ton of hotties gettin’ all hopped up on and about their vegetables. The video was rejected by NBC for reasons such as woman licking pumpkin, rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin, touching breasts while eating broccoli and more.

This display of public food erotica reminds me of Paris Hilton’s cheeseburger commercial for Carl Jr’s that was definitely not banned, despite its racy content.

Sheesh, why does everyone wanna hate on the veg-heads? Peta is just tryin’ to get the game-watchers to put down their buffalo wings and munch on some celery instead..their hearts, wallets, waistlines, and the planet would all thank them. Just ask Oprah!

Watch the video, and check out Peta’s Veggie Love feature to learn more and watch some previous Peta videos that were too hot for TV.

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