I like to joke that I have three clitoris’. (Clitori?) As ballerina-boobed individual, I am happy that for what I lack in sweater stuffing, I make up for in sensitivity. I also might name my future daughter Areola, just to be funny. What I am saying is I like nipples, so I was excited to stumble upon this Huff Post article about breast orgasms, which I will call boobgasms.

What? Breast orgasms? Many women report climaxing solely from the stimulation of the nipples and chest area alone. And this phenomenon isn’t like that sexual unicorn, the mythical G-Spot. The Huff Post’s writer Jill Di Donato let us in on a study done by the Journal of Sexual Medicine that concluded that nipple stimulation activates the same area in the brain as the clit, vagina, and other pieces of lady business. So basically, we process nip and genital stimulation the same way, thus the boobgasm.

The take away here is, if your partner likes it, don’t be stingy with the nipple play. It can result in big Os. But remember—if they like it. Nipple play can be a great way to warm a classy girl up before something really romantic, like an intense round of finger banging. (This is the second post in a row I use that term. Sorry I’m not sorry.) But that is just ONE opinion. I almost vomited in shock when an old room-mate told me having her nipples touched in any fashion totally skeeves her out. Learning this was pretty much the greatest tragedy of 2011. But the key is, learn what you like, or what your partner likes. Every set of nips is unique, so get to know your set before you start biting or twisting. Start off with something gentle and take it to a simmer before you boil.

Still confused about boobgasms?

I found this lovely instruction via Tumblr on how to achieve a boobgasm, incase you haven’t realized that it’s all about stimulation. Don’t visit the Tumblr that posted this if you’re at work, in public, or any place where you don’t want to be bombarded with porn.

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This article was originally posted in my Lusty Vegan column on www.iEatGrass.com.  Check it out sometime. Or not.

Tuesday was National Orgasm Day. I hope you celebrated accordingly. In lieu of the holiday, Alex from our Lusty Vegan Facebook group posted an article addressing new statistics showing that men fake orgasms too.

The article gave me a slew of mixed feelings and perhaps a bit of high blood pressure. I’m glad men are copping to the fact that they, just like their ladypartners, fake orgasms. I wish, of course, that no one was faking orgasms and that everyone was having real orgasms all the time, but I also wish the entire men’s Water Polo Team woke me up every morning by coming into my bedroom and serving me up a steamy hot…er…latte. Not impossible, just a bit unrealistic. Damn.

The real faux-beef I had with the article was not the statistics exposed, but the tone of the writer, Peter Lloyd. He seems to believe that men have been trained by the media and culture to always put women’s satisfaction first.

“Finally, after years of programmes like Sex and the City claiming that a man’s duty is a woman’s sexual satisfaction (and never vice versa – after all, that would be sexist), men seem willing to admit that girls don’t always get it right either. ”

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This is a reroute from my Lusty Vegan column on www.ieatgrass.com! If you haven’t been there yet, I am skeptical of your decision making skills.

Recently the spiritual sex technique of karezza has been bouncing around the World Wide Web, touted as a way to bolster intimacy between struggling couples. I know when you hear “spiritual sex” you probably imagine lots of sweating and chanting, so let me preface that karezza isn’t extreme in action, but rather extreme in idea: sex with no orgasm. You shouldn’t even come close to the brink of orgasm. No orgasms allowed.

If “what’s the point of that?!” just crossed your mind, then perhaps you’re exactly the type of person who should be considering karezza-esque tactics. Now don’t you give me the stink-eye. I’m not telling you to give up on your O’s. I’m on a pretty strict Orgasms For Breakfast diet myself. Just hear me out.

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I don’t remember who this guy is, and I can’t believe he wore this in public, but he has the right idea!

I want you to do a little experiment. Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a very safe space, where no one will ever know what you’re thinking…and then think about what you want, sexually.

Now imagine asking your partner for those very same things. Did your face squinch up like you’re cleaning cat litter? Did you get all sorts of anxious and self conscious? No? Good for you, A+ in sexual entitlement.

But for most of us, our sexuality is wrapped up with a whole lot of anxiety. Am I too big? Am I too small? Do I come too quickly? Does it take me too long to come? Why can’t I come at all? Am I doing this right? When it comes to sex, feeling abnormal is normal.

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I originally wrote this post for my Lusty Vegan column on i Eat Grass.

Business time!

Sexual Prime! It sounds like some weird sexier version of Law and Order SVU. Huff Post let loose an article this week responding to a new survey that showed women hit their “sexual prime” at 28—which is younger than I had thought. I had always been under a wonky impression that women hit their prime in their late 30s, while men hit their prime in their early 20s, which is why cougaring was a major life goal of mine…Pfft, way to mislead me, Samantha from Sex in the City. You bitch.

It’s important to note that this survey, put out by the sex toy company LoveHoney, was not scientific–but it did poll over 1,200 people.

After reading the results of the survey (which actually said nothing about 28, instead saying 30 is the right number—WTF, Huff Po!) what I really honed in on was the fact that when people stated they are having the BEST sex did not coincide with when they are having the MOST sex.

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In our society women have been socialized to think that male pleasure is more important than female pleasure. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Don’t believe me? Would you think it weird if, during a steamy sex sess, the man came and the woman did not? No, this happens all the time. Of course, there are a hundred factors that could play into this: some women are pre-orgasmic so an orgasm isn’t currently on the table for them at all. Perhaps they take a long time to reach orgasm, or their partner isn’t sure how to get them there, or the communication is off, or or or! But what I asked was would you think it WEIRD? No, probably not.

Now, would you think it weird if the man didn’t come? I polled some friends, male and female. They guys said—aside from factors like drunkenness or medical conditions—it is unlikely that they have sex and don’t come. The women said it is unlikely they have a sex session and come “from sex alone.” So if they or their partner don’t put in a little extra work to get them there, they don’t come;  this seemed to be a widely accepted thing.

Okay let’s put it another way. Women: how often have you gone down on your guy without ever receiving or expecting anything in return? Just a playful early morning blow? Yeah? How often has your guy gone down on you without the situation ending in reciprocation?

Many relationships work this way and because our society has been trained to think this is alright—that male pleasure takes precedence over female—not many people seem to openly voice their issues. Additionally, it makes sense from a biological point—men need to produce semen (typically, but not always, accompanied by orgasm) for conception. Women don’t need to come for conception to occur—although some fertility studies find that it may help.

I always hear men complaining about how much easier it is for women to have sex. The whole stale argument: Most women can walk into any bar and find someone to have sex with if they really want. Men have to work harder for it. Well, fine. But once a man and a woman are in bed, women have to work a lot harder for their orgasms. Stereotypically, if a man and a woman get into bed together, it can be assumed that the man is going to come. It can only be hoped that the woman will.

Part of this problem is because of how we have been trained to think this is alright, and part of it is due to lack of communication. It is surprising how many couples are fine with having sex but are scared to talk about it. If a woman isn’t coming regularly, this is often not discussed for fear of bruising the male ego or because the woman thinks there is something wrong with her. This is also why orgasms are faked.

I’ve only been having sex for a decade; but I spent the majority of those years pre-orgasmic, thinking I was one of the small percentage of women who simply cannot (or just do not ever) orgasm. It turns out no one (myself included!) had taken the time to patiently get me there—and no one had really understood that they should. I didn’t understand, either. In long-term relationships this type of sexual dissatisfaction (even when it isn’t fully understood) will harbor as resentment, bubble up to the surface and spoil things faster than a car full of milk in July.

I am not blaming any gender for this. I have talked to guys who had no idea if their girlfriends were coming at all, or how regularly, simply because nobody is addressing it. In a balanced sexual relationship, both men and women should be coming regularly.  Orgasms for equality! Stop the oh-oh-oh-pression!  Okay, that’s enough now.

Take on this? Have women been socialized to focus on male pleasure? Why?

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I want to make sweet, sweet love to Mary Roach. Okay, not really, (yes really) but I would love to buy her dinner and pick her brain about all things sex and science. Her book, Bonk; the Curious Coupling of Sex and Science, has had me occupied for the past two months. TWO MONTHS you say? Sheesh you must read slow. No, actually it’s because the book is so fantastic that I have anxiety about finishing it—I never want it to end. And so I read only a handful of pages a night so that I can fully absorb it, let it sink into my pores. That way, I am constantly spitting out—much to the horror of my friends and family—random information I have gleaned from its magical chapters. Things like “Did you know it’s someone’s job to bring a sow to orgasm while artificially inseminating her because it increases her chances of becoming pregnant? That is someone’s whole job! To get off a lady pig!” or “Listen to this excerpt about a woman who kept having unexplainable orgasms while brushing her teeth! I am so jealous I can’t even think straight.”

Plus I get gloriously bizarre looks while reading it in public, chuckling  to myself on the train while repeating half sentences out loud to no one, such as “Penises eaten by ducks!” or “Decorative Penile Wrap! A penis dressed like a snowman, can you believe it?!” Roach, also the author of Stiff, Spook and Packing for Mars, is fabulous. Normally when I read books about science—even interesting science—I am bored out of my mind. But Roach’s writing is both humorous and captivating while also tricking me into learning. I love being tricked into learning. Like, I think I am just reading hilarious sex facts and then all of a sudden I have a wealth of information I never dreamed of. Boom! I’m smarter. Mary Roach, you might be the perfect woman.

Mary! You saucy minx

Now watch her Ted Talk, 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasms. (She mentions the orgasmy tooth brusher?! I know you want to hear about that.)

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What do I love more than stumbling across hilarious, weird and wacky sex trends? When other people stumble across them for me. Recently, vegan culinary genius Ayinde Howell tweeted to me (yep! I, the same person who doesn’t own a Smartphone or laptop made in the last decade, am on twitter…@sexytofublog) this interesting blog post from Good, about a patent pending slumbering vibrator. Say whatt!? Yep, this is a hands-free vibrator—created by Jacqueline Tadros of Fort Lauderdale, Florida—that is activated while you are asleep so that you don’t have to put any effort in at all to get yourself off. You don’t even have to be conscious.

The idea behind this is that everyone gets worked up when they are sleeping (hello, morning wood…) and Tadros writes that “while in a sleeping state, a subject is not able to activate or initiate a vibratory device to induce stimulation.”

Her solution is an itty bitty vibrator you put inside you before bed that will provide you with feel-good vibes at a pre-set time while you slumber.

But my question is, who the hell would want to sleep through that? I guess it could be fun to use it as your alarm clock…I use the vision of a fresh brewed cup of coffee to get my feet on the floor in the morning, but I suppose an orgasm is a bit more convincing. Hoorah for orgasms for breakfast! 

Also, why limit it to sleeping? What about at work? How noisy is this thing, anyways? This could have the possibility of making my 3pm office slump a lot easier…and also, I go on a lot of really long car trips. Can I use it then? Maybe I could rig it to the number of miles I have driven instead of a specific time…That would make my lead foot a whole lot heavier. “I’m sorry officer, it’s just this hands-free sex toy I have rigged here…”

 Anyways, way to be creative, Jacqueline Tadros! Who ever said Florida is just for old people? I know what I want for Christmannukah…

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image by salsa82

There really is nothing better than a nice tear-the-sheets-and-shake-the-bed orgasm, both female and male. However, it is pretty well known that men have an easier time getting off than women, because, well women tend to be more self conscious than men (about their bodies, about their performance, about their mid O-expression..). Plus, it takes the average woman 45 minutes (Yes! 45 MINUTES) to become fully aroused, while it takes a man, oh, 45 seconds–no offense meant! With a mind racing with endless thoughts about which body part is jiggling and the four loads of laundry awaiting her, sometimes it’s hard for a girl to lay back and get her O on. I have had many a conversation with girlfriends about this, and often have a difficult time convincing them to shut their monkey mind off–for both their sake, and their partner’s. When you’re in the middle of an earth-moving orgasm, I am sure your man (or woman!) is just so pleased that they managed to get you there (nothing strokes an ego like watching someone else come and knowing it was–at least partially–your sexual prowess that got them there..) that nothing else matters.

I love a nice orgasm rant (obviously) and so was super-pleased to stumble across this great post from www.smartsexyvegan.com titled Damn, I love Being a Woman.  The lengthy post discusses many different aspects of being a strong smart sexy (vegan!) woman, but it features a particularly witty and informative pro-female orgasm rant. I am copying the rant here for all you lazies who don’t feel like checking it out yourself. So, thank you to the author, the sexy and smart Hannah Pralle! I wish you many orgasms in the future…

Orgasms: They’re not just for men.  Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Body, shares this information in his section on the 15 minute female orgasm:  “Sex researcher Shere Hite had long ago concluded that 70% of U.S. women couldn’t experience orgasm from intercourse, and Alfred Kinsey’s data suggested that up to 50% of U.S. women weren’t able to achieve orgasm at all.”  Pandemic!  Guess what?  We women don’t really talk about this much amongst ourselves, probably because most of us aren’t having orgasms, but we think that everyone else is.  One of Ferriss’s primary subject matter experts on the female orgasm, Nina Hartley (star of over 650 porn films and lauded by 3x AVN – that’s a porn Oscar – winner Lexington Steele as having been “the single greatest sexual experience of his life) has this to say about female orgasm:  “No man can give you an orgasm.  He can only help you do it yourself.”  This is very validating for me, because it coheres with what I figured out about myself, at least, fairly early on in the game.  Nina adds that, unless a woman is comfortable masturbating, “she’ll be more trouble, baggage-wise, than it’s worth, unless you get off on being a fixer.  She has to at least come up to the starting line and be comfortable conversing with her own orgasmic potential.”  This is fascinating to me because, in general, it seems that men’s orgasmic potential builds up with disuse, whereas women’s – or at least my – orgasmic potential dissipates with disuse.  (And I don’t mean intercourse-disuse, I mean actually-having-an-orgasm disuse.)  If I let enough time go by, eventually I can barely have one, and I don’t really care that much about having one – probably because it seems like a lot of work, at that point, being so far away from my own starting line.  

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