You guys, sorry for neglecting you! I have been crazy busy and AFTER I was crazy busy, I went to visit my mom in Hawaii and have yet to return. It’s really hard to write with all this sunshine and tropical fruit. But here is my weekly column from iEatGrass.com! And you can also keep up with me at XOJane.com. Sorry! Stay tuned for more island adventure fun…

I’m being facetious. This was my real life this week, and NOT a fantasy. #bragbragbrag

If your Valentine’s day was more Love Stinks than Love Actually, then you might welcome a little bit of fantasy right about now.

Fantasy, or “pretending” as you called it in your youth, can be a useful tool in all facets of your life. All those uplifting think-yourself-happy motivational types swear by using fantasy to improve yourself, except they call it “visualizing.” Visualizing yourself landing that promotion or killing that presentation will make you more likely to do so. That’s all good and well, but none of that is as fun as sexytime fantasizing.

Sexual fantasy allows you to explore sides of your sexuality you may not be able to in real life, and it creates a safe, super hot space for you to retreat to when you need a little, cough, motivation. Role playing? Done. Bondage? Yes please. Sex in public? On it! Sex with your ex, or best friend, or teacher, or boss? You betcha. Pony play? Uhm…maybe?

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I originally wrote this post for my Lusty Vegan column on iEatGrass.com

Keep the pie in your belly and off your face…

Uhm, any vegans out there dating a non vegan? How many of you have NEVER dated another vegan? According to our super scientific iEG research, that is about 60 percent of us—yikes! If you’re a vegan dating an omnivore, chances are your veganism comes up. A lot. I find in my own relationship, veganism most often makes an appearance around mealtime. And as someone who loves food, well I can get pretty passionate (read: bitchy) about what is on my plate. What can I say? I am fiery! To combat this personality trait, I have spent a lot of time figuring out how I can avoid fighting about my food. Of course, it doesn’t always work out…

A few weeks back, my guy and I were headed out to eat at some burger bar my boyfriend found that has a reputably good homemade vegan burger, along with regular fleshy fare. On the way, we walked by ‘Snice—a vegan eatery I have been wanting to try for a while. I suggested we go there instead, and P made an offhand comment about wanting to eat “real” food. At this point, I was beyond hungry, and extremely irritable (see: hangry) and I really let him have it. In public, no less! “If you want meat, just say you want meat, don’t tell me the food I eat isn’t REAL!” I was hyperventilating on the side walk.

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Best shoe ad campaign ever? I vote yes.

I originally wrote this post for my Lusty Vegan column on i Eat Grass.

Last week, drinks with my friends turned into drunk with my friends, and what started off as a conversation about dating turned into a heated debate about oral sex. Basically, does it count as sex, and who are we doing it to, and why?

Before I take this topic full throat, let me state my opinion: oral sex is still sex, although my 15-year-old self would have argued differently all day long. SO I am really not going to even take a look at the other end of that argument. Because, for same sex couples, oral sex is often the main event. Sex is sex is sex. However, the difference between deeds, to me, is that for the giver, oral sex is completely selfless (even if it turns them on, too). It is the sexual equivalence to a back rub. You’re doing it for the sole purpose of making the other person feel good, and yeah, it would be nice if you got it back in return. But like giving a gift, you shouldn’t solely be doling out oral with the expectation of getting something in return. Remember? Selfless! So while you may be turned on while performing, you’re mainly doing it for the other person’s benefit…right?

One of the girlfriends I was with argued that she only blows her boyfriends, but never a one night stand or casual fling. Since oral is selfless, why (says my friend) should she bother giving it out to someone she isn’t so crazy about anyway? She would rather just play P in V and get more bang for her..uhm…bang.

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