This was originally published in my column for www.ieatgrass.com.
In my own sexcapades and all of the hours (and hours and hours) I have spent talking about sex, and writing about sex, I have found a common theme: Most of us don’t spend enough time on foreplay.
Foreplay involves (at least!) two people, so EVERYONE would probably appreciate some more pre-game TLC. But women take an average of 45 minutes to get fully aroused. Men take much, much less time. So when you rush right into penetrative sex, it’s usually the women who are getting stiffed. Continue reading
Our society is go-go-go all the time. Everything is about multitasking. You can check your email from your phone as you wait in line for your triple venti mocha latte, Skype with your mom from your desk at work and catch up on the latest episode of your favorite t-v show (which you TiVo, of course) as you run on the treadmill. Living in a world where everyone’s motto seems to be ‘the faster, the better’ (think internet, fast food restaurants and quick fix diets) sex is really no different. Everyone wants it, but they don’t always leave time for it. However, I would like to redefine the word Quickie, as the word usually conjures up images of a trip to a dirty restaurant bathroom while you and your honey wait for your appetizer at TGI Friday’s (although that can be nice, too).
In the daily hustle-and bustle of get to work/class, the gym, the bank, the store and all in time to get home to cook dinner, you may throw yourself in bed at 11 pm and think sex? yeah right? I can barely stay up long enough to finish this last chapter of Twilight (gag). Here is where the quickie comes in. No matter how much time you have (or don’t have) there is always enough time for a little flash-fix of lovin’. Sex creates a rise in your levels of serotonin, that happy, warm feeling that also accompanies a glass of wine or a bar of superior dark chocolate. It creates a feeling of closeness with you and your significant other and can help reduce stress,and you can still get all of these ooey-gooey side effects even if your sack session only lasts 6 1/2 minutes.
While most people think of spontaneous quickies, planning time in your day for it will still give you all the great sexy side effects. Set your alarm clock ten minutes early in the morning. Schedule a lunch date with your guy or girl and say to them ‘you have exactly 8 minutes to do whatever you want to me, and then I am out the door.’ Creating a time frame, even a prescheduled one, will still give you the sense of excitement and thrill because you know the clock is tick-tick-ticking. Also, planning a dirty date (before the kids get home from soccer practice, while the lasagna is in the oven or before your room-mate gets home from her 3pm class) in advance gives you something to look forward to all day, so put on some sexy lingerie (or your favorite silky boxers) before you head out the door in the morning. Feeling the racy undergarments while you sit at your desk (at work, in class) will amp you up, and by the time your rendezvous rolls around, you will be raring to go.
Another ingredient that can make a quickie, well, quicker, is lube. If you read my previous lube post, than you already know what an advocate I am for the sticky stuff. However, while I am a huge-foreplay fanatic, if you’re on a tight schedule, it often gets knocked to the side. If you have a bottle of lube on hand, than you can still get down comfortably without having to do so much prep work. However, make sure that you don’t get lazy and resort to using lube as a foreplay substitute in full length sex-sessions, too.
When it comes down to it, just like a balanced diet and exercise, sex is part of a healthy lifestyle. Everyone would be a lot calmer and happier if they simply got it on more often. Perhaps that should be your new years resolution (nothing wrong with making one a few months late…) If you only have fifteen minutes (or ten, or five) to get your freak on, go for it. A little bit goes a long way.