I love Easter!

Recently I attended a Beyond the  Blowjob workshop at Babeland Brooklyn. This event wasn’t all about hand-mouth techniques; that stuff is apparently covered in another workshop they put out, called the Art of the Blowjob. Basically, what I garnered is that Beyond the Blowjob is for oral sex ninjas who have (or think they have!) mastered mouth techniques and are looking for more. I don’t want to give away all the info that the workshop puts out so I will just run it down, hot and loose.

The Babeland store is pretty tiny, so in the back was about 20 – 30 chairs set up for an intimate evening. The sex educators Elliot and Laura (at least I hope those were their names, I was more focused on all the talk about coronas and hair-pulling) were very fun and knowledgable. We started off the workshop screaming dirty words at eachother, to break the ice. This is a great idea, and I can think of more than a few relationships I wish I had started in this exact fashion. Oh you want to take me to dinner? I’d rather sit inside and scream “Titty F*ck” at you so I can gauge our level of compatibility based on the shade of purple your face reaches.

The workshop covered important issues, like communication, which I rant about here all the time. The educators talked about how couples can use a “Yes, No, Maybe” list to outline what they would or would not be interested in trying out. The key here is to make your lists separately and then compare, so that you answer honestly and don’t feel judged. No judgments!  Also they talked about dirty talk and how that can be used to sneakily communicate what you want. Shy about raunchy word-play? Try out words on your own to see what feels right. My favorite quote from Babeland employee, Laura? “One person’s c*nt is another’s passion flower.”  Basically, different words have different affects on different people, so switch it up, try out new things, and get to know what words steam up your kettle.

As far as blowjob tips, which they did briefly go over, my fav take-away topic was “edging,” which I have always referred to as teasing. Basically you wait until someone is about to come, and then you stop what you’re doing and do something else—or nothing. Repeat repeat repeat until they are so sexually charged their eventual orgasm is amazing—or they punch you in the face for being such an asshole. One or the other. Be sure to cuddle when it’s over to assure them you aren’t really that mean.

The course also covered anal play extensively, which is funny because didn’t I just rant on that recently? Since everyone has an assh*le, Elliot referred to it as an “equal opportunity orifice” which tickled my pink, and Laura stressed the three keys to successful and enjoyable anal play: Relaxation, Communication, and Lubrication. Lube is crucial, because unlike the vagina, your butt doesn’t make any natural lubrication. Or at least, not any type of sexy natural lubrication. Gross.

So there are certain lubes that are best for anal play, and lucky for me two of the best are oh so vegan friendly! Take your pick between Sliquid Sassy Booty and Maximus. One is clearly more manly than the other, but they are both really cushy and forgiving, and you don’t need to reapply the way you would with thinner lubricants. Plus, they are water-based and sex-toy friendly. Woo!

So, have you ever been to a Babeland event? Do you wanna talk about equal opp orifices?  Stayin’ classy over here at SexyTofu…

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Dear Adriana Lima, thank you for making me care about football.

You can always tell how busy I am when I haven’t posted any new food or sex fun on here in a few days. This last week has been slamming me hard, with new projects at work, assignments that need attention  and fun events to attend.  On Super Bowl Sunday my buddy and bossman over at the vegan culture portal  iEatGrass.com, super-chef Ayinde Howell, threw an awesome pop-up event in Brooklyn at The West. Ayinde’s vegan pop-up restaurant brand, Wildflower, has been featured all over, from VegNews to Grub Street. We had a great time on Sunday feeding vegans and football fans alike. Somewhere around 40 people showed up (we got the word out via NYC Vegan EatUP) and the menu included barbeque seitan sammies with ranch coleslaw, loaded quinoa nachos, pizza bagel sliders, his famous Mac N Yease ( triple gasm!) and more. People no joke showed up with Tupperware begging to take left-over Mac N Yease home–it’s that good.

Behind the scenes in the Wildflower Super Bowl Kitchen!

While I could care less about sports, I was happy the Giants won if only because I found myself in Grand Central at midnight, and being surrounded by New Yorkers when their team just lost would have been more terrifying than being tied to a chair in Times Square during the zombie apocalypse.  If you have never checked out iEatGrass, you should! This month marks its 2 year anniversary, which is exciting. While you’re over there, be sure to poke around  my column, The Lusty Vegan. Or don’t.

The first course! BBQ Seitan Sammy. Yeah. I ate that.

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