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Stuff I Get Off On: Gorilla Perfume and Solid Conditioner

17 Apr

securedownload-5I have been digging this Gorilla Perfume by Lush in Flower’s Barrow. It’s a really unique scent, and not as sweet as I usually go. It’s actually quite savory, with sage and thyme. It also has floral scents (geranium and rose) but it mainly smells earthy… musky – in a good way.

When I first got it in the bottle and sniffed it, I was a bit overwhelmed with how musky it was.But like most concentrated scents, after dabbing a wee bit on my wrists, the scent mellowed out, meshed with the oils in my skin, and became super pleasant. It’s lovely,  and Lush says that all of their perfume oils are ethically sourced, so that’s good. A million thumbs up. All of the thumbs.

I have also been into Lush’s  Big Solid Conditioner bar. This bar I smade with sea salt and coconut oil and makes my hair very soft and sweet smelling- like vanilla and jasmine. I also like that it ditches the bottle, so my products can be as nude as I am while using them. Weee, naked.
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Those are the latest Lush products I have been crushing on. I know I crush on them a lot, but that’s because every time I go into that store or pop over to their website I lose all self control. It’s a habit I can’t break, and it’s actually becoming a problem because I am gearing up to move and trying to get RID of things, not hoard them. Aye!

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“Do I know You From Somewhere?” A Different Type of Fantasy Play

1 Apr
This photo was taken last summer. While it doesn't have anything to do with playing pretend, poop is funny, and April 1st is all about funny.

This photo was taken last summer. While it doesn’t have anything to do with playing pretend, poop is funny, and April 1st is all about funny.

It’s April fools day, everybody! All around the country, people are playing with one another. I dig it. I stupidly chose this day to announce on the Internet that I am moving to Hawaii in 8 weeks, and now all of my friends not inside my core communication sphere (those people knew this has been brewing) think it’s a joke. Boy, will they be surprised come June when my Instagram feed is brimming with pictures of me hacking down coconuts.

But this post is not about my up-and-coming move. It’s about playing pretend. I have never actually pretended to be someone else during sex. While I am down for some dress up, full on role playing and I have never become acquainted. I am happy enough to be “Z dressed like school girl.” It has never really occurred to me to then ACT like a school girl.

But a type of pretend playing I am familiar with is pretending to be strangers. Not in bed. In public. This is something my boyfriend and I do randomly, and it started one evening on the train, without any planning. Continue reading →

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Stuff I Get Off On: DeVita BB Cream

25 Mar

Do you like my super hip filter? I believe it was called “Emo.”

If you pay any attention to the beauty business, then you may have noticed that the cosmetic industry has been blowing up with BB creams. “BB” stands for beauty balm, (sometimes also refereed to as blemish balms). BB cream’s cousin, CC cream, stands for color control. Both of these cosmetics are meant to be smeared on your face to wear on their own, or to prime for additional makeup . If you’re confused as to which lettered beauty cream would work the best for you, allow me to help:

BB creams are basically roided out tinted moisturizers. They conceal, brighten, even color, hydrate, and most contain sunscreen.

CC cream takes things a step further and works as a foundation. It has all the benefits of a BB cream but offers a bit more coverage, so if you’re suffering from dark spots or acne and you want a little more than a tinted cream a la BB, then CC may be for you.
However, many of the popular BB and CC creams that are available aren’t cruelty-free. I have been making my own tinted moisturizer by mixing a traditional moisturizer with a bit of concealer in the palm of my hand, as I kept on the lookout for a good vegan BB cream. Continue reading →

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Stuff I Get Off On: Lush Massage Bars

19 Mar

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Nothing beats a good homestyle massage. On the receiving end, they feel amazing. But even if you’re the giver, massages are a great excuse to touch one another. I don’t need to write anymore about massages feeling great—even a terrible massage is usually pretty good.

Up until recently, I had only been into dry massages, as massage oils are messy and also remind me of the opening scenes of really cheesy porn. Many of the massage oils I tried in the past wre heavy, and made me want to shower immediately after. Not so sexy.

However, I have recently discovered that I do like massage bars. Containing your oils into an ingeniously convenient bar form makes it difficult to overdo it on the slippery front.

My first encounter with a massage bar came from Lush Handmade Cosmetics, who makes a great vegan line of massage bars.  Continue reading →

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Stuff I Get Off On: Nicobella Organics Chocolate Munch

27 Feb

I originally wrote this for iEatGrass.com. Sharing the love here…

Omega Munch!

Now that the official holiday of lovechocolate is over, maybe many of you are feeling ill from ransacking the 75 percent off candy sale at Duane Reade. No shame! I know it’s a good day if I’m eating chocolate before noon. I love a good, plain, bitter dark chocolate bar—90 percent cacao is my favorite. But I shook it up recently and tried a couple of bags of Nicobella Organics Munch.

Nicobella—fair trade and organic! Aw yeah!–is better known for their truffles, but I am pretty into their chocolate and nut mixes, aka Munch, because they give me a solid dose of protein, so I can eat an entire bag without feeling like I lost all of my self control. Bonus: they are relatively low in calories, as far as sweets go. They DO have a good amount of fat though. But fat is good. Let’s all embrace fat. Continue reading →

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Stuff I Get Off On: Aubrey Organics Herbal Mask

7 Feb

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Check out the long name on this clay mask: Aubrey Organics Natural Herbal Seaclay with Goa Herb Oil Balancing Mask.  SEA clay! Fancy. I stumbled on this mask while trolling about Whole Foods with no real purpose, an activity that in itself is extremely dangerous. One moment you’re lingering in the produce section, and the next you have a cart full of daikon and an over-priced chia seed pudding mix—neither of which you have any idea what to do with.

I did, however, want a new face mask. My skin has been all sorts of wonky lately, do to stress and the fact that I ran out of my healthy skin supplements and waited three stupid weeks before I ordered any more, because I am sort of lazy sometimes. Also, clay face masks are a fun way to feel like I am pampering myself when I am actually just sipping tea with dirt smeared on my body. I literally bought 12 dollars worth of herbal infused dirt. Continue reading →

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Sexy Sexy 2012 Round Up

28 Dec
Sorry about neglecting you...

Sorry about neglecting you…

You guys! I have been seriously neglectful with my posting recently. For that I am sorry. But it’s the holiday season and I have been crazy busy! So in prep for New Year’s Eve, here is a round-up of the most popular SexyTofu posts of 2012. Sometimes my dad (hi dad!) gets uppity that I write more about sex on here than food. “It’s a sex blog, not a food blog!” But you guys kind of like reading about sex—the stats prove it! All of these posts are sexysexy, and I didn’t play favorites with these, I just looked at the stats of what posts had the most hits. SO basically what I am saying is we’re all a bunch of perverts. High five!

Poop! And Other Things Couples Should Be Able to Address

Back in June, I went down to Tennessee to check out Bonnaroo with a handful of my lady friends. We didn’t get to shower for 6 days, and things got a bit dirty. At the campsites, everyone’s tents were on top of each other, so we overheard a lot of really great conversation snippets, like the couple arguing because the boy kept spilling bong water all over his girlfriend’s shoes.

“YOU SPILLED BONGWATER ON MY SHOES!”

“It smells good!”

“IT SMELLS LIKE BONG!”

One evening I overheard a guy saying his last girlfriend used to fart in front of him, and it “ruined it” for him. “Some girls just ruin the mystery, you know,” he said. You know. The mystery of the fact that we, like most humans, have an asshole. I also felt bad for him because I assumed he had probably overheard some conversation snippets emanating from OUR tent. We had a lovely discussion about our lack of bathing opportunities over the past week which was creating something we called “crotch wine.” I wonder what that ruined for him. Read more…

Boobgasms 101 (Intro to Breast Orgasms)

I like to joke that I have three clitoris’. (Clitori?) As a ballerina-boobed babe, I am happy that for what I lack in sweater stuffing, I make up for in sensitivity. I also might name my future daughter Areola, just to be funny. What I am saying is I like nipples, so I was excited to stumble upon this Huff Post article about breast orgasms, which I will call boobgasms. Read more…

Taboo Topics: Backdoor Lovin and Pop Plugs

A while back I wrote about a reader who had written to me with questions regarding butt play, and I had recommended that if she is interested in some anal action for beginners she start small—with a finger. She reported back to me that the finger went over fine, and that she is still hoping to one day get comfortable enough to have an actual phallic member in there. Also apparently her boyfriend is quite large, which makes first-time sex of any kind even more painful. So we got on the subject of anal plugs. Anal plugs are the cilantro of the bedroom. You either love it, or hate it. You either want it all over your enchiladas, or you think it tastes like soap and  gag every time you even think about it.

Basically, anal plugs are not for the vanilla soft-serve style sexers, but more for the inquisitive mattress mavens—someone who doesn’t find inserting a piece of plastic in their butt uncomfortable (in theory and action).But I mentioned them to my reader-friend, and suggested if that’s something she thinks she is interested in, she should look into a very very small anal plug. She went out and got one of those kits that come with three different sizes so you can ease yourself into it gradually. She told me that even the small seemed pretty large. So, I recommended to her the Pop Plug (size small, of course). Read more…

Cohabitation; the Anti Sex?

My goal in life is to be one half of a randy old couple. I want to still be having sex when I am old and wrinkled. But stereotypes say once you’re shacked up and shackled, sex falls to the bottom of your to-do list. A stale sex life is one of my greatest relationship fears, after divorce or maybe death of my partner.

It’s easy for your sex life to take a hit when you move in together, especially if living together is less than dreamy. Your partner won’t clean or worse, they are obsessively clean. Their habits start to grate on your nerves, and you’re picking trivial fights. I mean, who wants to deliver some mid-afternoon fellatio when you spent the morning picking their hair out of the shower drain? Not I. Read more…

Stuff I Get Off On: The Hitachi Magic Wand

For those of you who don’t speak sex toy, the Hitachi Magic Wand is the Cadillac of toys; Super fun to drive, even if it is a bit bulky and out-dated. This bad boy still plugs into the wall—that’s how out-dated it is, and the box it comes in looks like it’s straight from the 80s, equipped with pictures of spandex clad ladies massaging their calves with it. One, everyone knows you don’t use the Hitachi in a PG fashion and Two, who the heck actually massages their calves? Read more…

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Stuff I Get Off On; A Procrastinator’s Gift Guide

12 Dec
Buy this for your weird cat-lady friend. (Read: I want this.)

Buy this for your weird cat-lady friend. (Read: I want this.)

Let me start by saying the holidays should not merely be a time to drain your bank accounts in the name of generosity. It should be a time for gratitude, for taking care of ourselves by relaxing and indulging, and for spending time with the people we love. But this is ‘Merica, and here, we like to buy things.Well Hanukkah is already well underway, and Christmas is coming up fast and loose. But if you have yet to snag all of your gifts, don’t sweat it! Below are some of my favorite things—and I do love things—that you can buy for your friends/family/that person you’re doing it with. And if you’re feeling self-indulgent, then just buy them for yourself! No judgements!

Full disclosure: Nearly all of the items I list below—unless otherwise noted—I purchased myself. No one has paid me to endorse any of the below products, and if I did receive one for review, I am endorsing it only because I think it’s amazing. No one paid me for any of this, and I don’t receive buckets of free swag, unfortunately. If you want to send me your swag to review, feel free! But I will only rave about it if it’s truly swoonable. Continue reading →

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Holiday Lip Lineup: 3 Bold Vegan Reds

10 Dec
This one failed my apple test...

This one failed my apple test…Also apparently I am terrible at applying color evenly. Dammit.

Note: I originally wrote this post for Vegan Mainstream, and it is littered with awkward selflies. Enjoy!

With all of those holiday parties around the corner, lady vegans all over will have ample opportunity to play dress up. One of my favorite accessories that immediately dresses up any outfit is one that goes on my face—lipstick. And with the holiday season in mind, I am reviewing my favorite vegan red lipsticks for you—because nothing says “kiss me at midnight” like a bold lip. You’re welcome. Continue reading →

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Vegan Ink: A Love Affair with Williamsburg’s Gristle Tattoo

7 Sep

This post was originally published on www.iEatGrass.com
Nothing could be more ironic than a vegan getting a tattoo touting their plant-based status…in non-vegan ink. Even the most dedicated tofu slingers may not realize that there is such a thing as a non-vegan tattoo. A fan of body art myself, on Saturday I headed to Williamsburg to check out Gristle, a darling vegan tattoo shop. Now before I start raving, let me answer a question you may be stuck on: WTF is a vegan tattoo?

Unfortunately, the majority of tattoos aren’t vegan, as many black inks get their ominous hue from bone char. But the good news is as companies become more ethically savvy, they are opting for plant-based dyes.

So maybe you called up your tat parlor to request vegan ink (Intenze and StarBrite are two of the most popular) and you think you’re in the clear. Not so fast! While I think ink is the most important part about the vegan tattoo experience–it stays with you forever, as I hope you have already realized–there are other products used in the tattoo process that may not be veg-friendly, like the gel strips in the razors used for shaving, the soap used for washing you down, and the after-care products the shop applies, recommends or sells.

Lucky for me, and my boyfriend who was also in for some ink, Gristle had it all covered. The shop itself is small and—unlike nearly every other tattoo shop I have ever been in–tastefully decorated. Instead of the tacky display designs usually found in tattoo parlors (think hearts with flaming swords and various examples of script bound for tramp stamps), Gristle’s walls are adorned with artwork I would want in my own apartment, and posters sporting rescued pitbulls with the words I Am An Individual—part of an Animal Farm Foundation program.

Batman likes Gristle, too.

The shop is a big supporter of adoption. In fact, this Saturday (the 8th) they are holding an adoption event from 12 – 4 in collaboration with Dog Habitat Rescue. I was actually bummed I didn’t know about it last week, as I may have waited a week and gotten my tattoo during the event, because 100 % of tattoo deposits made that day will go to the animal organization.

But no worries, I plan to try and make it out there on September 22nd for their vegan bake sale to benefit BARC. Yes please!

The shop is also an art gallery; the work on the walls is all for sale, and there are openings held each month.

Okay, but now about MY experience. I fell in love with the shop when, within ten minutes of being inside, they gave me cupcakes. Call me easy, but I’m won over with baked goods. In preparation for the BARC bake sale, owner Dina DiCenso brought in a trial run of some delicious chocolate mini cupcakes.

But it was really the impressive quality of the work done that made my Gristle trip a fantastic tattoo experience. (Cupcakes and puppies are just an added bonus).

While there, I got a small tattoo on my ankle redone; I had gotten it several months back on a trip down south and was incredibly unhappy with the result. It was supposed to be a sprout but looked more like some weird sloppy Asian symbol, and design aside, the actual ink work was terrible.

Gristle’s talented (and super sweet) inkmaster Brittany Bauza took my old design and reworked it, and I love love love it. She added in some color and I think it looks great.

Pretty pretty!

The tattoo fun didn’t stop there. My tattoo took about twenty minutes, which flew by as Brittany and I chatted. However, P got a design on his ribs that took five (!!!) hours to complete, so I hung out in the shop all day, chatting with Dina about the usual…cats and cupcakes.

P’s tattoo was done by Franco Maldonado, an artist from Columbia who seems to specialize in animal designs. When browsing his portfolio, nearly all of his designs feature some sort of feathered or furry friend. And this worked for us, because he came up with a killer design around the idea P had of an octopus fighting an owl. An OctoOwl!

OctoOwl!

Dina, Brittany and Franco were all really terrific, and I loved the experience so much I am already dreaming up my next piece of work—an elephant. More tattoos, please.

If you’re around September 22nd, check out their bake sale. Buy some cupcakes, help some animals, oh, and get some vegan ink.

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