Review Category : Sex

Several weeks back, a friend asked me if I had seen “the grapefruiting video.” The wah?

“Well, you write about food and sex so I figured…” they said, trailing off.

As soon as I got home, I took to the internet to rustle up said video that supposedly involves sex with a grapefruit.

Behold, the grapefruit video, in which sexpert “Auntie Angel” teaches viewers how to “grape fruit your man,” a technique that involves cutting a hole in a grapefruit and getting your dude off with it. According to Angel in this Vice article, the technique is so good it could kill you. Death by grapefruiting!

Yes, this is a real thing. According to Auntie Angel, grapefruiting feels as if you’re getting head and having sex at the same time. Inttteresting. Okay, watch the video and wait for the best part – the sound effects!

In addition to the hoover noises, Angel gives good grapefruiting tips, like making sure the grapefruit is room temp, making sure you cut the hole the right size, and that your man is blindfolded before you get to fruit screwing.

After I watched the video (don’t forget to read the comments!), I couldn’t help but wonder if my manfriend would like it. He had been there when our friend told us about the video, and we watched it together, so I figured maybe…

I went out and got a bag of grapefruits. My man and I sat around and stared at them for a week. One night, I even went down to the kitchen and picked one up, gesturing to him playfully. But you guys, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do my dude with a grapefruit. I mean, the whole catch-phrase of SexyTofu is “Sex and vegetables, not sex with vegetables,” and although a grapefruit is a fruit, not a veggie, it felt pretty damned close. I just felt so absolutely ridiculous and unsexy bringing that fruit to bed I could not do it. Sigh..

Luckily, I have at least a couple of friends, one of whom was able to coerce her boyfriend to partake. This friend asked her manfriend if he was up for it before she went grapefruit shopping, which seems considerate, but in actuality may have derailed the whole project. Since he knew what was coming (ha!), he gave less than stellar reviews. Mostly, that citrus juice kept dripping all over the place, that it was messy, that he couldn’t take it seriously, and that he couldn’t finish.

From my super scientific research, I have come to the conclusion that grapefruiting is only fun when it’s a surprise grapefruiting. When your man knows what citrusy surprise is awaiting him, the veil of illusion is lifted.

Still, I wonder the reaction of a formerly blindfolded man who just received what he thinks is the best blowie ever, only to remove his blindfold to a piece of fucking fruit. Maybe not too happy? So should you hide the fruit back under the bed and never speak of it? And—here’s another thought—what do you do with the grapefruit when you’re finished?

Whether you ask your partner first, or have a big reveal after you’re done grapefruiting, nothing is going to change the fact that from then on, you’re always going to be the girl who fucked them with a grapefruit…

Want more? My book, The Lusty Vegan, drops in only a few days! Pre-order your copy on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

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A new cruelty-free condom recently rolled down the red carpet, joining the ranks of other ethical contraceptive powerhouses like Glyde and Sir Richard’s. The newest member of the cruelty-free condom marketplace, called Sustain, is not only cruelty-free but made from fair trade rubber and latex. Side note: The condoms were invented by New York-based father and daughter duo Jeffrey and Meika Hollender.

Familial entrepreneurship aside, what I like about the Sustain condom campaign is the fact that it targets women! It doesn’t merely market “her pleasure” or some bullshit (ribbed condom, studded condom – please, it still feels like fucking rubber), but it promotes female empowerment by encouraging ladies to take responsibility for their own condom consumption with the slogan “get on top and start f*cking naturally.” Can’t argue with that… To sweeten the pot, ten percent of profits go towards women’s reproductive health.

In talking to my girlfriends and just existing in today’s society in general, I often notice many assume that (in a hetero situation) it’s the guy’s job to carry a condom, and that any girl who carries or supplies a condom could be considered “easy.” This is a crazy notion; Anyone who wants to be in charge of their own sexual health by way of condoms should be stocking up on rubbers, and what better way to do it than with cruelty-free ones. That way, no matter where you go or who you’re with, you’ve got it covered – literally.

View the company’s ad, below:

She Thinks Her Vagina Deserves Only The Best. So That’s What She’s Giving It. from Sustain Condoms on Vimeo.

Want more? Find me on Instagram and Twitter, or check out my book, The Lusty Vegan.

*I originally wrote this post for www.ieatgrass.com. 

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There are some pretty interesting videos circling around the interwebz highlighting the much-spoken topic of vegans being better in bed.

Unfortunately this string of videos, done by the tuneless and terrifying John Sakars, are highly cringe-worthy. Sakars, an animal rights activist, has been making these for a couple of years now. As creeptastic as this fellow comes off to me, at least he is fighting the good fight? Every movement has to have a handful of creepy pale dudes making music videos in their basements, right?

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Everyday I work harder at being mindful: enjoying the moment I am in instead of rushing ahead trying to get to what’s next. It’s not easy, but focusing on the task you’re doing, even if that task is simply walking the dog or sitting with your partner, helps to increase pleasure, enhance focus and productivity and make you happier overall. I mean, have you ever seen a miserable buddha? Probably not. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get hyper new-agey on you. Below are a handful of ways to be more mindful across several different aspects of life.

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I’ve written about high-tech sex before, but since then, the world has come a long way in terms of sexing up our smartphones.

Generally I have a “no-phones-in-bed” rule but maybe I might reconsider for a few of these…

Glassy Sex.

This Google Glass wearable tech let’s you see yourself having sex “through your partner’s eyes.” This is 99 percent always a bad idea, even if you and your partner look like this:

 These guys should totally be on BoyfriendTwin (whose name should probably be DoppelGangBangers) 

3nder.

I don’t know how to pronounce this, but the purpose for this app (brought to you by the Tinder and Grinder folks) is to allow you to find people to have a threesome with without having to poach experimental-looking singles at a bar with your boyfriend in tow. Not that I’ve done that ever.

Dickorate.

This app has actually recently been removed but I still want to talk about it anyway because it’s redickulous. This dick-dressing app let men take pics of their junk, make them bigger (obvi) and then add weird accessories, like sunglasses and little dick sweaters. They can then send the pics to their lover, who will undoubtably use them as blackmail later on. Here’s a true story: Nobody wants your dick pic. Ever. Also it reminds me of this hilarious video which will get suck in your head for days.

Sock-it.

Okay as someone who once had twelve room-mates, I actually kind of like this one. If playing “Big Papa” on repeat for 43 minutes didn’t make things clear enough, this app lets you alert people when you’re having sex so they leave you the f*ck alone.

Do you use any helpful sex apps? Would you use 3nder? Are you a little bummed Dickorate is no longer a thing?

Want more? Find me on Instagram and Twitter, and check out my book, The Lusty Vegan, available on Amazon.

*This post was originally written for iEatGrass.com.

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In college I once made a slideshow of terrifying STDs and made all 6 of my housemates sit down and watch it. This was sparked by the realization that one of my roomies, who had been on oral contraception for 4 years, had no idea that birth control pills don’t protect against STDs.

Even in a culture where we can find anything with the click of a Google search button, we often still remain wildly under-informed. And then there are the times we think we know our shit, and something comes up that rocks us sideways. This is what happened to me with the recent news that the “pull out” method is apparently only one percent less reliable than condoms. Say what?

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