“I love you, but your friends suck.” Ouch. A discrepancy in social circles can really hinder a healthy relationship and act as a point of contention between the two of you, and your friends. Everyone has that buddy that is, well, hard to get a long with. Then there is the unfortunate truth that if you don’t like your partner’s friends, they probably don’t like you either. Fake smiles are easy to spot. Continue reading
The one thing I really loathed about singledom was the whole “in-between” stage of casual dating. You know, the swampy ground that begins after the third date and haunts you until you’re forced to have an uncomfortable conversation that usually begins with “So…what are we?” The relationship pre-ejaculate, if you will. It’s not as exciting as the real thing, but still a necessary stepping stone…
Valentine’s day is the cilantro of the American holiday circuit …you either love it, or it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. Personally, I have a tumultuous relationship with the holiday, which started during an excruciating 4 month stint working at Hallmark in high school, where I was forced to stock mass produced, impersonal greeting cards and listen to Michael Bublé’s Caught in the Act album on repeat. I still cringe whenever I hear a Bublé track. Continue reading
Ah, depression, you miserable bitch. Anyone who has ever suffered from this condition knows it can be dark, cold, and hopeless. Whether you’re depressed due to life circumstances, or a chemical imbalance, or (most usually) both, depression is never fun, and it’s hard to shake. But what happens when it’s not you who is down, but your partner?
You’re laying in bed and your phone goes off – you have a text, and as you see that name pop up on the screen, your stomach does a little belly flop and your heart starts beating like you just popped an adderall. You send a response, smiling. Then you glance nervously at your partner, sleeping next to you in the bed. Ouch.
Emotional cheating is a gray area of infidelity. It can be hard to determine if you’re crushing on someone or just excited to make a new friend, but what is really dangerous about emotional infidelity is that it’s easy to deny – not only to your partner, but even worse, to yourself. Continue reading
*This post was originally published on iEatGrass.com.
Are you tired of everyone talking about the new year yet? For many, the new year symbolizes some sort of mystical life reset button, like everything will be better when the clock strikes midnight. All your issues will become pumpkins and something about a glass slipper.
I’m talking about resolutions; the catalyst behind the surge in January gym memberships and the lines at Whole Foods which are suddenly comparable to a new iPhone release. People set dietary resolutions, fitness resolutions, career resolutions, and love resolutions. Everybody wants to see self-improvement, and that’s great. For anyone hoping to find love in the new year, step away from Tinder and think about this: the best way to get someone else to love and respect you, is to love and respect yourself.
A solid sense of self directly contributes to the success of your relationships. Why? Your relationships are a reflection of yourself. So what does that reflection look like?
In college, whenever a roommate was bumming (I had 12 of them…) I would force them to do self-love activities with me. No, you perv, not that kind of self-love. I would ask them to tell me why they liked themselves. Specifically, I would start by asking them to list their top 5 favorite internal attributes. Then I would ask them to list off some of their favorite physical traits. I would ask them to tell me things they were good at, and so on.
This is hard to do, you guys! While the number of selfies littering our social media feeds makes vanity seem like a sport, it’s still startling how many of us (me too!) have confidence issues. When you’re unhappy with yourself, you’re likely to depend on your relationships for the happiness that should be coming from within. But when you are content and confident with who you are, your happiness is not dependent on anyone but you, and this takes some pressure off your relationship. Ah, much better.
Of course, this transcends far beyond your romantic relationships, but this is a dating column you know… Your creative ability, your comfort with your sexuality, your professional success, your eating and exercising habits are all anchored by the way you feel about yourself. Confidence is killer. Use that as an excuse to be selfish this year. Search for the things that make you happy. Create your best self. Happy new year.
My manpiece doesn’t cook. Okay, well he tries sometimes. Before we lived together, his kitchen repertoire consisted of: noodles with crazy salt, noodles with cheese, noodles with cheese and crazy salt, and steak.
As a vegan/omni couple, we have a “no animals in the kitchen” thing going on, so his cooking skill-set is knocked even further back. He’s the master of oat meal. He mis en places my ingredients like a pro. He has been learning to make a mean mac n’ (no) cheese, and every now and then he grills up some veggie burgers, but other than that, our arrangement is that I cook, and he does dishes. This was a compromise we made, almost unspoken, really. It’s important to me to live in a meat-free house, so in trade, I do most of the cooking.
As I write right now, he is doing dish after dish, a the brutal remains of thanksgiving after-math. In many ways, it’s great. I get to make a big mess, and I don’t have to clean it up. I like cooking, but I mostly enjoy cooking when I’m feeling inspired. And I also like being cooked for, and some evenings I feel the strain of always having to provide the meal, especially since we live in a remote location where take-out is not at option.
But that’s the agreement we made, and so I keep on trucking, er, cooking, even when I wish I could come home from yoga or finish a big assignment and have a meal waiting for me. And in the name of compromise, it was very loving of my guy to agree to live in a household where he isn’t able to cook and eat whatever he pleases. That’s big stuff right there.
I think it’s most bizarre for me to do ALL of the cooking because both of my parents are terrific cooks. Growing up, my mom–a trained chef–did do more cooking than my dad, but he still took over the reigns several nights a week to make a bad ass chilli or curry. I never grew up in a household where it was assumed the woman would cook, so I often feel rebellious about it even thought it’s a choice we made.
Learning when to compromise and when to push is crucial for the success of your relationships. Any relationship—work, romantic, family. Life is short, don’t give up on your battles, but do choose the ones that are worth it. Even if it means playing housewife most nights of the week.
So who cooks in your house? Is it a point of tension? I wanna know!
*This was originally written for and published on ieatgrass.com.
I don’t have any definitive deal-breakers. Wait, wait, I take that back: anything that could warrant extensive jail-time is probably a deal-breaker, and I have found that I don’t do well with Leos. Lots of fighting and yes, steamy sex, but then more fighting…
Anyway, when it comes to personality specifics, I don’t have any “cat people and sports fans need not apply” rules. Despite the photo above, I don’t have any size rules. Preferences, sure. Rules, no. Relationships are situational, and each one involves a unique combination of personalities, and so they should be looked at by a case-by-case basis. Continue reading
Some of us are really awful at apologizing. Instead of making a whoopsie better, we end up backing ourselves into the hole we already dug. Sometimes, it’s an accident. We might really be attempting at a sincere apology, but we don’t understand what an apology really looks like.
Below are a handful of ways you can give a heartfelt apology that will hopefully get you out of trouble without making you look (any more) like a jerk. Continue reading