My manfriend and I watch too many movies. I guess it’s easy to make excuses about why—aside from just liking film, he works in the industry and I’m currently in stew-mode for my second screenplay. Whatever the reason, we spend 90 percent of our “date nights” on Netflix Instant.
We’re probably not the only couple with stale date nights. Now don’t get me wrong, any alone time is better than no alone time, and alone time that ends in sex is a win. But what if you make your whole evening about sex?
Okay, maybe dinner first. Food and then sex. Here’s an idea: Cook dinner together. After you eat, get out the wine, sit down, pull out some paper and pens and create individual sexual bucket list. When you’re done, trade lists.
Many people make bucket lists of things they want to do before they die. They usually include things like “Go to the Eiffel tower, sky dive, write a novel, visit the birthplace of my grandparents, get impregnated by a random non-English speaking Brazilian man so my child will have a better chance of being beautiful.”
Putting your life goals down on paper helps you focus on them, and automatically makes them feel more tangible. Trading bucket lists allows you to learn more about the other person.
The same goes for a sexual bucket list, which I will now refer to as an SBL. When you make an SBL, you’re forced to put your fantasies down on paper, and by creating a dual SBL, you can learn more about what your partner wants. You’ve been together for six years and you didn’t know they had a luke-warm interest in stomping until right now. Get out the heels!
If you’re feeling nervous, feel free to talk about work or gossip about the neighbors until you’re two glasses deep. Then pull out the paper. After you’ve each made and traded lists, look for similarities between the two. Write any aligning fantasies on a new list – a shared SBL. Also, if your partner had something on their list that you hadn’t thought of, but are interested in, add it to your shared list.
A few important reminders:
- Try not to make your partner feel awkward or alienated if you’re surprised by some of their choices. This is a sacred space! If you shame them, it will be the last time they tell you about their dream of having sex in every National Park. Now there’s a fun cross-country trip, yeah?
- Don’t fake anything. If your partner has a fantasy you’re seriously not into, don’t pretend to be excited about it. No one likes a faker, and you most likely won’t end up enjoying the act.
- Have fun. This is supposed to be a sexually enlightening experience, so make it fun and playful.
- Avoid the “done thats.” Don’t be an ass! If your partner has something on their list you did with an ex, well, just add it to your mutual list in pleasant silence. Don’t haunt them with the mental image that you already went down on your last girlfriend while she was on a conference call. This is your “together list,” so repeats are cool if it’s something you haven’t experienced as a pair.
After you’ve made your list, get to the bedroom (or not, the couch is cool too) and start annihilating items! Or argue over that cliché French maid outfit your manfriend won’t let go of. Either or.
Have you ever made a SBL? How many national parks have you had sex in? I’m batting zero and it’s making me sad.
* I originally wrote this post for iEatGrass.com.