I originally wrote this for www.ieatgrass.com! Love me some reposting on a Friday.

667airplane

I feel like joining the mile high club is something that might be cooler in your imagination than in real life, like that time you got to fuck a B-list a celebrity, which you thought would be awesome, but instead they just looked at themselves in the mirror the whole time. Fantasizing about it was better.

Here is the anxious girl’s guide to having sex on a plane. Sort of. Because sex is the only other option when the airline is charging you 4 dollars to watch a shitty movie. Fuck you, Hawaiian Air.

1. Put down the book you’re reading and casually begin rubbing your boyfriend’s junk. Casually, I said.

2. Once he is half-masting, whisper in his ear to meet you in the bathroom in 2 minutes.

3. Go to the bathroom and wait 2 minutes. As you wait, begin to get anxious.

4. When there is a knock on the door, yell WHO IS IT, even though you know it’s your boyfriend because who else is going to knock when the sign on the door says OCCUPIED?

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