I originally wrote this for www.ieatgrass.com !
So in fitness fanatic news, I have been doing more rock climbing recently. There is a climbing gym near me that has a pretty cool layout, including a kid-free zone for adults to boulder about without any little monkey distraction. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. But watching them scale a wall that I can’t get up just makes me feel bad about myself.
Climbing is an efficient upper body and core workout, whether or not you’re in a harness or just bouldering (climbing without an attached rope, usually on shorter walls and over a padded mat, aka a crash pad). Continue reading
I originally wrote this for iEatGrass.com. Sharing the love here…
Now that the official holiday of lovechocolate is over, maybe many of you are feeling ill from ransacking the 75 percent off candy sale at Duane Reade. No shame! I know it’s a good day if I’m eating chocolate before noon. I love a good, plain, bitter dark chocolate bar—90 percent cacao is my favorite. But I shook it up recently and tried a couple of bags of Nicobella Organics Munch.
Nicobella—fair trade and organic! Aw yeah!–is better known for their truffles, but I am pretty into their chocolate and nut mixes, aka Munch, because they give me a solid dose of protein, so I can eat an entire bag without feeling like I lost all of my self control. Bonus: they are relatively low in calories, as far as sweets go. They DO have a good amount of fat though. But fat is good. Let’s all embrace fat. Continue reading
I originally wrote this for www.ieatgrass.com! Love me some reposting on a Friday.
I feel like joining the mile high club is something that might be cooler in your imagination than in real life, like that time you got to fuck a B-list a celebrity, which you thought would be awesome, but instead they just looked at themselves in the mirror the whole time. Fantasizing about it was better.
Here is the anxious girl’s guide to having sex on a plane. Sort of. Because sex is the only other option when the airline is charging you 4 dollars to watch a shitty movie. Fuck you, Hawaiian Air.
1. Put down the book you’re reading and casually begin rubbing your boyfriend’s junk. Casually, I said.
2. Once he is half-masting, whisper in his ear to meet you in the bathroom in 2 minutes.
3. Go to the bathroom and wait 2 minutes. As you wait, begin to get anxious.
4. When there is a knock on the door, yell WHO IS IT, even though you know it’s your boyfriend because who else is going to knock when the sign on the door says OCCUPIED? Continue reading
Ugh it’s frikkin cold! When it’s cold, I want to hibernate inside with something hot. Unfortunately, the man I sex (love you!) lives an hour away so I substitute man hotness for hot food. Specifically, winter is the season for soups and stews. But I have already written on here about soup wizardry, so let us move on to stew. What is a stew? I was cooking with my friend Nick from thelittlestwinslow.com a while back and we pondered this question.
I turned to my most trusted source of information; according to Wikipedia, “A stew is a combination of solid food ingredients that have been cooked in liquid and served in the resultant gravy.” Continue reading
Sorry I have been MIA! I have been visiting my family in Hawaii and neglecting this here blog. (Excuses for neglecting blog pre-trip include lots of work, breaking up and unbreaking up and rebreaking up with man friend, lots of freelance work, packing…uhm..eating?)
On the trip, I did tons of eating (no cooking…sorry ma!), hiking, swimming, and camping. It was a very active vacation, which I like, because it makes me feel less guilty about all of the coconut cream I ate. On the trip, I explored a 35 foot cave with an 8 foot lava-rock vagina inside (more on this to come in a later post…), went kayaking, and lazed about. Speaking of lazy, instead of an entire post, here are some photos I took on the trip… Continue reading
You guys, sorry for neglecting you! I have been crazy busy and AFTER I was crazy busy, I went to visit my mom in Hawaii and have yet to return. It’s really hard to write with all this sunshine and tropical fruit. But here is my weekly column from iEatGrass.com! And you can also keep up with me at XOJane.com. Sorry! Stay tuned for more island adventure fun…
I’m being facetious. This was my real life this week, and NOT a fantasy. #bragbragbrag
If your Valentine’s day was more Love Stinks than Love Actually, then you might welcome a little bit of fantasy right about now.
Fantasy, or “pretending” as you called it in your youth, can be a useful tool in all facets of your life. All those uplifting think-yourself-happy motivational types swear by using fantasy to improve yourself, except they call it “visualizing.” Visualizing yourself landing that promotion or killing that presentation will make you more likely to do so. That’s all good and well, but none of that is as fun as sexytime fantasizing.
Sexual fantasy allows you to explore sides of your sexuality you may not be able to in real life, and it creates a safe, super hot space for you to retreat to when you need a little, cough, motivation. Role playing? Done. Bondage? Yes please. Sex in public? On it! Sex with your ex, or best friend, or teacher, or boss? You betcha. Pony play? Uhm…maybe? Continue reading
Check out the long name on this clay mask: Aubrey Organics Natural Herbal Seaclay with Goa Herb Oil Balancing Mask. SEA clay! Fancy. I stumbled on this mask while trolling about Whole Foods with no real purpose, an activity that in itself is extremely dangerous. One moment you’re lingering in the produce section, and the next you have a cart full of daikon and an over-priced chia seed pudding mix—neither of which you have any idea what to do with.
I did, however, want a new face mask. My skin has been all sorts of wonky lately, do to stress and the fact that I ran out of my healthy skin supplements and waited three stupid weeks before I ordered any more, because I am sort of lazy sometimes. Also, clay face masks are a fun way to feel like I am pampering myself when I am actually just sipping tea with dirt smeared on my body. I literally bought 12 dollars worth of herbal infused dirt. Continue reading
I originally wrote this for iEatGrass.com.
But what does it all MEAN, Zucchini?
Did anyone see that movie that came out a while ago, The Perks of Being a Wallflower? I did, and it was underwhelming, at best. However, I also read the book, which was much better—a sort of grade B Catcher in the Rye.
The storyline follows this kid Charlie who has dealt with some deep trauma as a child and as a result is extremely introverted. Now in early high school, he is hyper-aware of those around him while being ironically blind to his own actions and what they are stemming from. The story grapples with sexuality, social acceptance, and a variety of other coming-of-agisms, but one of the broader themes is the acceptance of love.
Charlie watches his loved ones suffer through these relationships with people who generally treat them like shit, while they overlook those who might treat them better. Plot details aside, the reason this book resonated with me is because of a single, well-delivered line: We accept the love we think we deserve.