New Porn Site to Train Army of Considerate Lovers?

A new porn site is brewing that, according to the creator, will inspire a new breed of more considerate lovers. Young men in particular, says MakeLoveNotPorn.tv founder British Oxford grad Cindy Gallop, are raised being fed a diet of hardcore sexual imagery and it’s stunting their growth in terms of actual intimacy. The new XXX site is supposedly going to portray more realistic love-making, “real world” sex, and less demeaning behavior.

But what is porn without demeaning behavior!? You may be wondering. The idea is that this will re-educate viewers about what sex—scratch that, love-making—should look like. According to Gallop, who at 52 frequently dates men decades her junior, most modern men have gotten the majority of their sexual education from hard-core porn and therefore have no idea what it means to be a giving lover.

According to the Observer, Gallop hopes her site will reform porn “so that young men don’t think that’s always the normal way of behaving in the bedroom and their girlfriends don’t have to pretend to like it.”

Now I want to interject here, in defense of “demoralizing” sex acts, that some women do indeed enjoy these acts, they ask for them, and they aren’t “pretending to like” them. Perhaps the reason they get off on them is because, yes, they are seen as taboo or “demeaning,” but that shouldn’t override the fact that they are getting off on them. I put demeaning and demoralizing in quotes because nothing should make you feel demeaned if that’s not your gut reaction to it. So for girls who truly do like facials, ravishment (“play-rape”) or a fierce spanking, have at it if that’s what gets you there.

Okay back onto the topic of revamping porn’s role in sex education…I’m all for that. Reading about MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, I couldn’t help thinking of Ian Kerner’s book for men She Comes First, which I weirdly found much more captivating than it’s for-women counterpart, Passionista. She Comes First is basically an oral sex manifesto, encouraging men to make oral sex a center point of their sexual repertoire, not as foreplay but as “coreplay.” Because when a woman comes first, pressure is removed from the man’s performance (which can help relieve ED and premature ejaculation) and it helps retrain us to take our time and really enjoy the act of sex as a whole, and not section it off into chapters—foreplay, penetration, orgasm. It addresses the fact that women can take upwards of 30 minutes to be fully aroused, and so taking time to get them there is crucial. The idea of pleasuring the woman first also helps expand the sexual journey from mainly focusing on the male experience, to include females as well.
Sexual chivalry, if you will. Kerner basically tells his male audience over and over that real men love to get their women off. So she should come first…and second and third and…I really liked the book, especially when Kerner talks about how much he loves his wife which just makes me warm and gooey. I did, however, raise a skeptical eye when he wrote about pairing wine with with vagina. If a guy started sipping merlot while going down on me I would be less than enthused…I’m not a wedge of brie, buddy.

So what does the porn on MakeLoveNotPorn look like? Real couples, doing real sex acts full of give and take and ample communication that doesn’t involve a fluffer or myriad of four letter words. I think this is terrific for a plethora of reasons; It will hopefully show men pleasuring their women outside of penetration—the majority of women cannot orgasm from P in V alone. SO many men don’t realize this, and I blame both porn and lack of communication. Men keep pumping away wondering why their lady isn’t shredding the sheets in orgasmic bliss like their Brazilian-waxed, silicone-stuffed silver screened counterparts. But women aren’t comfortable with saying no buddy, no matter how Hard.You.Hit.It, I’m not gonna get there. This is why many women fake their orgasms; they want the pounding to be over and don’t want to break it to their dude that a jack hammer marathon won’t do anything but make sitting at a desk uncomfortable the next day. Once the fake O’s have been unleashed, the man is positively reinforced and the pounding will continue. Both men and women are at fault in scenarios like these…Someone, make it stop!

What? This isn’t what you mean’t by “reading for pleasure?” My bad.

I also hope MakeLoveNotPorn.tv will show couples ASKING for what they want, because this can be excruciatingly difficult as it makes you feel vulnerable. And in my generation where communication is based on methods of immediate gratification like texting and tweeting, we are certainly not equipped for telling a lover how to get us off, unless we can do it from behind a glowing screen in 140 characters or less. “Plz do that tongue flick, three fingers not two. #SeeYouTonight.”

Founder Cindy Gallop is a captivating character. The leather-clad cougar (wish it were pleather!) is a former ad exec and founder of If We Ran the World, a web platform designed to synergize human good intentions and corporate good intentions, creating a collective action. In an NY Times interview from earlier this year, Gallop says, in relation to the idea behind MakeLoveNotPorn, “The issue I’m tackling is not porn. It’s the complete lack of open, healthy dialogue around porn and sex.”

Aspirations

The Times interview also notes that (for any of you real estate junkies) Gallop lives in a black walled Chelsea apartment that has been featured in an episode of “Law and Order: S.V.U.,” and a music video with P. Diddy and Nelly. I am mildly jealous of this swanky sex dungeon…

Currently, MakeLoveNotPorn.tv is in the development phase, and while some videos are posted, it’s invitation-only. But I’m excited to see it up and running—it’s supposed to be live by 2013. You will have to be a member and pay for each video, and of course the site will require you to be 18. However, a more unique feature is that Gallop says she hopes eventually members will be able to buy gift-certificates for younger viewers. Happy sweet 16, Johnny. Here are the keys to the car and a couple of XXX videos so you can polish up your finger-banging skills before you head off to college. You’re welcome.

 

About the author  ⁄ Zoe

Zoe writes about food and sex on SexyTofu.com.

4 Comments

  • Reply
    September 17, 2012

    Been saying it for years.

    That is, sex is much more enjoyable when the lady is done before you start. Nothing feels better than when she’s orgasming and nothing feels better than knowing you can take your time after she’s finished.

    Ahem.

  • Reply
    September 17, 2012

    This is an AWESOME idea. I love it. I also loved the sex tweet. Good laugh there.

  • Reply
    September 28, 2012

    poking sexy girls on facebook

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