The Lusty Vegan: Trending–Orgasm Free Sex

This is a reroute from my Lusty Vegan column on www.ieatgrass.com! If you haven’t been there yet, I am skeptical of your decision making skills.

Recently the spiritual sex technique of karezza has been bouncing around the World Wide Web, touted as a way to bolster intimacy between struggling couples. I know when you hear “spiritual sex” you probably imagine lots of sweating and chanting, so let me preface that karezza isn’t extreme in action, but rather extreme in idea: sex with no orgasm. You shouldn’t even come close to the brink of orgasm. No orgasms allowed.

If “what’s the point of that?!” just crossed your mind, then perhaps you’re exactly the type of person who should be considering karezza-esque tactics. Now don’t you give me the stink-eye. I’m not telling you to give up on your O’s. I’m on a pretty strict Orgasms For Breakfast diet myself. Just hear me out.

I originally stumbled upon this idea on Huff Post, and the writer stated “When it comes to sex, reaching orgasm should be any couple’s ultimate goal.” Hate to disagree with you, Huffy, but I find that statement to be completely false. I can have an orgasm alone. When I’m playing with a friend, the focus should be on the shared experience, and that is why I believe karezza is helping couples with their intimacy. On top of its meditative properties, karezza is retraining the way we look at sex.

Most people, even those who love their partners deeply, have sex to feel pleasure—ideally, through orgasm. But an orgasm turns sexual activity into an act with a final goal. Sometimes, a final goal can be stimulating and exciting. Other times, it can feel like a deadline—something you HAVE to reach. Straining for an orgasm puts a serious damper on emotional connection.

In that light, I understand the idea of karezza.

Karezza emphasizes affection between partners, and while ideally you would like to think traditional intercourse does the same, it often does not. While physically, sex brings you as close to another as humanly possible—you’re literally penetrating or being penetrated—think about the many ways (and positions!) you can have sex with little or no affection at all.

So what exactly IS karezza? Karezza means “caress” in Italian, and techniques involve a lot of kissing, a lot of staring deep into one another’s eyes, and often not too much moving. It’s a very still practice—no rise in heart rate, no shortness of breath. Similar to meditation, it is grounding. I can see this appeal, completely. Additionally, in focusing on everything but the orgasm, pressure to perform is removed, and connection is improved.

Obviously, karezza needs to be something decided on mutually. I often like to pull surprises on my guy in bed. I think intense eye contact while lying extremely still would get old after 15 minutes (seconds) if it wasn’t discussed previously. Basically, I don’t think it works if you’re not both doing it.

Zucchini and I practice karezza. JUST KIDDING, don’t call PETA!

But what I want to know is, can’t I have my orgasm and eat it too?

If the point of karezza is to improve intimacy between partners, can we incorporate karezza techniques into our normal sex routine? Instead of focusing on what’s to come (double entendre alert!) can we use foreplay to focus on connecting with one another? Lots of non-genital touching, kissing, nuzzling and heavy eye contact?

Eye contact is really huge—so many people have sex with the lights off and eyes closed, which visually and emotionally shuts out your partner and puts your focus solely on what you’re feeling. It turns your sexual experience into a solo session. By keeping your eyes open you are exploring a shared intimate experience—which should be the real goal of sex, dammit!

Can we incorporate more karezza techniques into both foreplay and actual coreplay? Perhaps it would help blend the two together, streamlining the experience as opposed to segmenting it into “before” and “during” sex. Oh, now I’m excited!

Am I being too new agey for all of you? Do you want me to shut up so you can keep having sex with the lights off and your eyes closed? I wanna know!

Want more Lusty Vegan? Follow me on Twitter @Sexytofublog and on Instagram @zoahu 

About the author  ⁄ Zoe

Zoe writes about food and sex on SexyTofu.com.

5 Comments

  • Reply
    July 13, 2012

    I think that sounds like a really neat idea. I read once in Cosmo ages ago that starting at your partners eyes while orgasming was the most intimate thing you could do. Now we all know how accurate Cosmo is… But I really like the idea of karezza and the intimacy it could build. Lots of eye contact, sensual touching, really paying attention to one another and the little changes in body language would seriously increase the intimacy and orgasm or not it would be one hell of an experience. Now excuse me, I’m off to find Husband… :)

  • Reply
    July 15, 2012

    I like that you are exploring this topic, (one that I am very intimately encountered with) on your blog. The emotional connection that karezza brings is intense, as is the sex (I personally will never go back to conventional sex) …but there is also a lot of science behind it as well. Dopamine cycles, avoidance of the coolidge effect, etc… I recommend reuniting.info for more information on why karezza, how karezza, and the science behind karezza, if you are interested in learning more : )

  • Reply
    July 15, 2012

    of course i like the idea even better with combining that with a possible orgasm!

  • Reply
    July 26, 2012

    Reblogged this on The Sex That Got Away and commented:
    I could go for some karezza aka orgasm free sex right about now. Sounds brilliant. BTW, I heart The Lusty Vegan. A woman in her 20s who isn’t afraid of to talk about sex.
    K.

    • Reply
      July 26, 2012

      Thanks for reflagging, and so glad you’re reading on iEatGrass and SexyTofu!

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