That's too much cash for a hipster...

Recently I got into a bit of a text-a-thon with my friend Tyler about money and dating, and how he can tell when he is into a girl by his willingness to pay. I always love to pick the brain of the opposite sex because, really, I don’t understand it! So, I found Tyler’s methods of figuring out how much he likes someone extremely interesting.

The conversation begins with money talk because I was trying to bully Tyler into joining my Tough Mudder team. He can’t join for political reasons. However, he was trying to blame it on money so he didn’t have to say “I can’t be on a Tough Mudder team with you and your new boyfriend because we met through your ex boyfriend who is my childhood best friend.” Don’t worry, Tyler, you don’t have to say it! I know. And now, so does everybody else. You’re welcome!

Anyway the money conversation segued to who pays for what in a relationship.

T: Girls shouldn’t pay for shit. Relationship money is a boy’s problem

Z: What? Really? You don’t think girls should pay for anything?

No I don’t believe that at all haha it’s just the stereotype.

No one believes that anymore I don’t think…

Well you obviously haven’t grown up in a conservative household

Well I haven’t dated a guy who felt that way since I was 17…(which ironically is around the same time he started having to use his own money, so really I was dating his mother.)

Lucky!

How is that lucky?

Oh, I thought we were gonna get into a big feminist thing.

No! I mean, I don’t ever expect anyone to pay for me, I’m a big girl with my own big girl money. I don’t mind paying for myself. But it’s always nice when they insist.

See, I pay for a lot of shit when I date a girl.

It’s always somewhat 50/50 with the people I date. Like maybe they pay for dinner, but I get it next time, or I pick up the bar tab, etc.

That usually starts happening for me late in the relationship. I can judge how I feel based on my willingness to pay. It’s an effective system.

Wow, that’s interesting. This is an interesting dating topic! May I publish this anonymously?

Yeah, Sexy Tofu it! And you don’t have to do it anonymously…link to my Twitter.

Any more ways you can tell if you’re into a girl?

Yeah, If I’m willing to accompany her on mundane errands.

What’s an example of a mundane errand?

Shopping, mainly for groceries. If I can get through a trip like it’s no big deal, I know I’m into her. If I have to leave 5 minutes in to go loom at car magazines, well the sun is beginning to set…

Will you watch her shitty TV shows?

Absolutely. Except Bad Girls Club. I can take Jersey Shore and Real Housewives, but not Bad Girls Club.

I don’t know any of those…I don’t watch TV (Oh gross I am such a snob…)

Well I don’t like them, but If I’m into her… you know…

Pffft, SURE you don’t like them! Follow Tyler on Twitter @Tyler_MaC, and tune in next week as I give him sage fashion advice. Poor thing…

Men, how do you know when you’re into someone? Ladies, how can you tell? I can always tell how much I like someone by how tempted I am to text them back while driving (don’t ever do this). Who pays for what in your relationship? I wanna know!

Read More →

Happy Friday! I am rerouting you to my Lusty Vegan column on pop-vegan culture portal iEatGrass.com, where I talk about dating as a non-vegansexual.

I recently read a Huffington Post article by Maya Gottfried about dating as a vegan titled Dating as a Vegan: Honesty is the Best Policy and it spurred my own rant about my experience, plus some snippets of conversation between vegan entrepreneur Kristin LaJeunesse and I. Here is a nice little sampling:

After our interview in the fall, Kristin and I kept in touch talking about boys, food (and boys), life (and boys), and romance (and boys). It doesn’t take the crispiest carrot in the bag to see that Kristin is a hopeless romantic; she started a site dedicated to vegan weddings.

 On the last morning of her stay with me, over a couple of smoothies in my kitchen, we talked about dating and how important compatibility is, and how—for those interested in living a cruelty-free lifestyle—compatibility when it comes to ethical choices can be a huge issue.

Earlier in her trip I had told her my most recent story of romance: I spent most of fall of 2011 falling for my best friend of the past decade, When Harry Met Sally style. I told her all about hop-scotching out of the friend-zone and playing “guess where I want to put that!?!” After she asked about who made the first move, she posed The Big Question: Is he vegan?

No, he isn’t. Kristin and I admitted that neither of us are vegansexuals. Would we like to fall for a plant-eater? Of course. But from our experience, finding a guy who we really connect with who is also a vegan and SINGLE is even harder than getting our vegan custard to set. You see, compatibility is key, but for me, veganism is only one part of what makes someone a good fit. Other factors include temperament, politics, beliefs, habits, and more. Do I want someone to share my love for tempeh reubens and fuzzy-headed baby chicks? Sure. But I also want someone who is supportive, passionate, driven, smart, funny, attentive, caring, and—of course—a total tiger in bed. And what if I find that person and, sh*t, he also likes to cook up a steak on his George Foreman? When I think of my own relationship, the thought of missing out on the past handful of blissful so-in-love-my-face-is-numb months because my man eats meat is laughable. Scoffable, even.

In her article Gottfried talks about a guy who ditches a second date due to a hangover. He was a vegan, but even that didn’t ensure their lifestyles aligned. During my conversation with Kristin, she said “Just because you find a guy who is single, and vegan, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be compatible. Plus, being vegan doesn’t guarantee they are a good person.”

Read the rest of the article here!

Read More →

Pretty Kristin in my kitchen with our fav magazine!

I seem to have “I like connecting with people on the internet” ingrained somewhere in my soul. I also seem to have “I want to talk about fellatio” and “I like men with mommy issues” written on my forehead, but those are stories for different days.

A while back, I interviewed Kristin LaJeunesse, the founder of the vegan wedding portal RosePedals, for iEatGrass.com. Kristin also happens to be the wanderlusting vegan foodie behind WTFVegan Food, or Will Travel for Vegan Food, the Kick Starter funded food project she set out on a few months back with the goal to sample as many vegan eateries as possible in an epic cross country trip.

After our September interview, I told Kristin to let me know when her trip takes her through Connecticut so that we could meet up for some grub. I also extended my futon. (Sorry, Dad.) Flash forward 6 months and voila! Kristin, and her awesome van Gertrude aka Gertie, pulled into my driveway to stay for a few days. I told my room-mates we “met on the vegan food circuit,” a half-truth that would save me from being judged for inviting a complete stranger into my living room. Enter couch surfing, vegan style! Cruelty-free couch surfing? I smell a new niche market!

Kristin crashed on my heinous baby-pink futon for two nights, where she fell in love with my cat, Zucchini, and chatted with me about life, love and her experiences following her passion for food across the country.

Here is an interview, which I sprung on her at 8 am Wednesday morning before her and Gertie rolled onto their next destination—Long Island. What a good sport she is!

Kristin and me at my fav coffee shop, Las Vetas Lounge


ST: If you could think of three words to describe your trip, what would they be?

KL: Exciting, entertaining and terrifying.

What is the best part about being on the road?
Feeling empowered. Traveling as a woman, there are certain assumptions about safety that are made. I love making my own decisions about where to go, and when to go, without having to take anything else into consideration. The opportunity for self exploration is amazing.

What is the hardest part?
Pushing myself to reach out to people I don’t know, and going outside my comfort zone, especially when looking for places to stay. But it has resulted in some great new friendships, and so far I haven’t had any negative experiences.

What has been your favorite city so far?
Portland, Maine. This is where I started and I actually revisited it recently.

What about your most memorable meal?
Definitely the chocolate ganache at Blossom. I had a mini-orgasm while eating it.

You’re a hopeless romantic, right? Your trip smells like the making of a Julia Roberts rom-com. Do you think you might meet someone special on your voyage?
Totally. I don’t have any set expectations but knowing the nature of the journey, I am completely open to it. I am excited to meet new people, even if they end up just being friends.

Tomorrow on my column, The Lusty Vegan, at iEatGrass.com, I will be talking about compatibility, and sharing a bit of the conversation Kristin and I had on finding and dating other vegans.

Don’t forget to check in with Kristin at WTFVeganfood, and RosePedals!

Kristin made me a montage of me and Zucchini!

Read More →

I was trying to think of all sorts of clever ways to title this post, using words like hard and stiff. I decided, ahhhh screw it, and went with something more straight to the point. Here is a query I received recently from a reader:

Hey Tofu, 

I’m not too sure if you’ll be able to help me but I am desperate for some advice. I’ve recently been doing nude modeling for an art class and last night “I came standing to attention” mid way through. It was incredibly unprofessional and I’m sure no one signed up for that! I’m really worried it will happen again.  Is there any cream or any advice that could keep it down? Please help if you can, I’m not sure if you answer these types of questions. Thanks

 And my response?

Uh oh! Girls have it way better than guys sometimes; we can be sexually aroused in public and no one will have any idea.  As a result, I have a theory that women are far superior perverts, at least in the category of subtlety. My advice would be to give yourself a little self love–or enlist the help of a friend ;)–right before the class so you don’t have anything built up.  And then think of really non-sexy things during the class, like a time you were really embarrassed, sports, your family members, or a bulldog eating mayo.  Hope this helps!


I was thinking about this question later on and worried my answers wouldn’t be all that helpful because, well, I don’t own a penis! So I harassed asked a friend. This friend is not only an artist but was recently working on a project for which he had to be completely nude standing 10 feet away from a completely nude lady model. He had to do this with 10 to 15 different models, in a room by themselves, for a good hour each. (Poor thing…)  I asked him how he avoids getting hard when he is staring at boobs, even if they are lit artistically and all that juicy hipster goodness.

I was pleased to find that my friend had the same advice I did. Well, sort of. “Jerk off right before and don’t think about sex.” Nothing about bulldogs and mayo…

Anyone have any good advice on this topic?

Read More →

On Tuesday I had this grand plan to go home right after work and knock out my taxes, like a big girl. Unfortunately, on my lunch break I was messing around on Twitter and realized it was National Pancake Day! How could I possibly do taxes on National Pancake Day!? (This is my brain on procrastination.) So instead of doing my taxes, I Tweeted my hetero life partner, K, who—after bickering with me for about an hour like a tired spouse should—came over for a feast.

We made the Pumpkin Pancake recipe from Isa Chandra Moskowitz’ Vegan Brunch, which I blogged about a few months back. Except this time, since we were feeling decadent, we added big chunks of semi-sweet baker’s chocolate.

Midway through our pancake revelry, I received the horrifying news that someone I am over-the-moon about is in the hospital following a freakish accident that should be reserved for day-time TV and movies starring Ben Stiller. One minute I am listening to Ida Maria and making pancakes. The next I am hyperventilating in my bedroom while K massages my back with my Hitachi magic wand (what are friends for?), furiously dialing every Emergency Room in New York City, plus a few confused plastic surgeons. That’s what they get for being listed under “hospital.”

That type of rapid atmosphere change always reminds me to be thankful for what I have, every single freakin’ day. There shouldn’t be one specific “day” to enjoy everything. Who makes these national days anyway? Shouldn’t you enjoy pancakes every day? This is parallel to my issue with Valentine’s day, which I always feel socially obligated to participate in. Why do you need a specific day to celebrate the better things in life?

At risk of sounding like a public service announcement, I just need to reiterate how important it is to be good to the people you love, and tell them—scratch that, SHOW them—how important they are to you every day. Haven’t you heard that extremely over-played Sublime song? “Life is short, so love the one you got.” Just like the ska punk band of my youth says, you might get run over…or shot…or caught up in a violent lovers’ spat while coming home from work.

What I am ranting about here is that accidents happen all the time, nothing is guaranteed, and you never know when the last time you see someone could be.  Life is crazy like an emotionally unstable lover,  so don’t take her for granted. One day she is all sweet and smiling and the next she is boiling bunnies on your stove. So, be grateful for what you have. Love with abandon. Let petty feelings and trivial arguments dissolve. Celebrate what you have because you never know what tomorrow brings. And eat your pancakes every day, not just because you want to wiggle out of doing your taxes.

I didn't really eat all those. But wouldn't you be impressed?

Read More →