I was trying to think of all sorts of clever ways to title this post, using words like hard and stiff. I decided, ahhhh screw it, and went with something more straight to the point. Here is a query I received recently from a reader:

Hey Tofu, 

I’m not too sure if you’ll be able to help me but I am desperate for some advice. I’ve recently been doing nude modeling for an art class and last night “I came standing to attention” mid way through. It was incredibly unprofessional and I’m sure no one signed up for that! I’m really worried it will happen again.  Is there any cream or any advice that could keep it down? Please help if you can, I’m not sure if you answer these types of questions. Thanks

 And my response?

Uh oh! Girls have it way better than guys sometimes; we can be sexually aroused in public and no one will have any idea.  As a result, I have a theory that women are far superior perverts, at least in the category of subtlety. My advice would be to give yourself a little self love–or enlist the help of a friend ;)–right before the class so you don’t have anything built up.  And then think of really non-sexy things during the class, like a time you were really embarrassed, sports, your family members, or a bulldog eating mayo.  Hope this helps!


I was thinking about this question later on and worried my answers wouldn’t be all that helpful because, well, I don’t own a penis! So I harassed asked a friend. This friend is not only an artist but was recently working on a project for which he had to be completely nude standing 10 feet away from a completely nude lady model. He had to do this with 10 to 15 different models, in a room by themselves, for a good hour each. (Poor thing…)  I asked him how he avoids getting hard when he is staring at boobs, even if they are lit artistically and all that juicy hipster goodness.

I was pleased to find that my friend had the same advice I did. Well, sort of. “Jerk off right before and don’t think about sex.” Nothing about bulldogs and mayo…

Anyone have any good advice on this topic?

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