Let’s see how many dumb euphemisms for anal sex I can come up with. A while back I wrote about a reader who had written to me with questions regarding butt play, and I had recommended that if she is interested in some anal action for beginners she start small—with a finger. She reported back to me that the finger went over fine, and that she is still hoping to one day get comfortable enough to have an actual phallic member in there. Also apparently her boyfriend is quite large, which makes first-time sex of any kind even more painful. So we got on the subject of anal plugs. Anal plugs are the cilantro of the bedroom. You either love it, or hate it. You either want it all over your enchiladas, or you think it tastes like soap and gag every time you even think about it. Basically, anal plugs are not for the vanilla soft-serve style sexers, but more for the inquisitive mattress mavens—someone who doesn’t find inserting a piece of plastic in their butt uncomfortable (in theory and action).But I mentioned them to my reader-friend, and suggested if that’s something she thinks she is interested in, she should look into a very very small anal plug. She went out and got one of those kits that come with three different sizes so you can ease yourself into it gradually. She told me that even the small seemed pretty large. So, I recommended to her the Pop Plug (size small, of course).
The smallest sized Pop Plug is smaller than a lot of other “small” starter plugs, and it’s pink which makes it seem friendlier, don’t you think? Plus, it’s shaped like a Ring Pop which were all the rage when I was growing up. It is also reminiscent of a pacifier, which gave me a good giggle on the subway the other day as I was ogling a cute baby suckin’ away on one.
Okay but maybe you’re thinking WHY would anyone ever want an anal plug? Often people use them the way my reader is interested—to prep them for a real-life romp in the backyard. But on top of that, anal plugs are popular with hetero couples interested in double penetration. For some women, using an anal plug while their partner is all up inside their ladybits is like chewing a stick of Double Mint Gum.
But, obviously, plugs don’t discriminate based on sex or gender. The anus (Worst.Word.Ever) is an erogenous zone for both men and women, and so anal stimulation can feel extremely pleasurable if you’re open to it. Let me just clarify that–despite popular misconceptions instilled by, oh, I don’t know, homophobes–a man who enjoys a bit of ass tackling is NOT gay. And if he is-who cares?! It’s called a prostate. We all have them. It’s the sex of the person he is choosing to have nail his tail that will help you determine his sexuality. Anyway, back to pluggin’ that up… Some people also insert anal plugs and then go about their daily business, which apparently can be interesting. Or they wear an anal plug out on a date as foreplay. SO the next time you see that couple cozying up in the movie theatre, ask yourself “which one of them is wearing the butt plug?”
When choosing a plug, it’s important to get one with a wide base so that it doesn’t get uhm…abducted? (Insert disgusting sound effects…) The Pop Plug has that cute and high-functioning finger loop for easy retrieval. Also they are affordable—ranging from 15-20 bucks a pop. And just when you think, wow, that butt plug couldn’t get any more appealing, you learn that they are boilable, so you can stay hygienic. Hygiene is important! Just don’t boil it in your room-mates favorite pasta pot. And if you do, don’t tell her about it! Get it here! And, be sure to follow the Number One Rule in any sort of anal play: More lube is ALWAYS a good idea.
Okay, now tell me; have you used a Pop Plug? Did you like it? Worn an anal plug on a date? Think they are horrible? Worst invention ever? Do you like cilantro? Did you count how many different ways I referred to anal sex without saying “anal sex?”