I’ve written about threesomes before, and in that post I identified four different categories of people looking to get into a three-way situation; the Pleaser, the Proposer, the Experimental Couple and the Casuals. I noted that the Casuals—three people who aren’t romantically involved with each other in any way—would probably be the ideal situation. But aside from the totally casual scenario, how would a couple go about finding someone to have sex with them, casually, and how common is this actually is in real life? Of course you have the random right-place, right-time situation (too many tequila shots in a hazy college dorm room…) but if you were to actively seek out a random third-party for “sex-only,” where would you look? Is there a right way to do this?
I don’t have much (any) experience picking up someone for casual sex, but I am not sure what your rate of success would be like if you sauntered up to an attractive person idling on a barstool or camped out in a corner and busted out a line like “My girlfriend thinks you’re cute. We would like you to come home and have sex with us. Neither of us will call you after.” Hmmm. Appealing? Not so much.
Then of course, you have the online outlets, like hook-up websites or Craigslist “Casual Encounters.” A study in 2009 tracked the NYC “Casual Encounters” section for 7 days to see how many people actually posted seeking a threesome, and broke the results down by gender. Here they are:
So for research purposes (and sheer curiosity) I spent a few minutes trolling about on Craigslist to see what that’s all about, and decided it would take a very gutsy person to respond to one of those ads. Even with voice verification and photo swapping I would probably still be terrified I would end up rubbing lotion on my skin in some skeevy suburban basement.
So then if you can’t find a random, do you go for someone you know? What would it take to make you comfortable with the situation? With a random stranger, assuming you could find one, you could easily dismiss them and things would go back to normal. Down the line you could say “Remember that girl we did on New Years Eve in 2009? Oh man that was fun. High-five! Let’s order Thai food.” There would be a sense of ”Us Vs. Them” camaraderie going on. Maybe it would be bonding. But if you had to be in contact with the party-crasher—or worse, if your other-half was in regular contact with them—things would get sticky.
That sounds like the making for an awkward R-rated rom-com where the heroine thinks she wants to have a threesome with her boyfriend and that foxy bartender from their favorite dive, only to punch the bartender in the head in the middle of things because she has a more attractive O face. Or worse, remember that Friends episode where Ross tries to have a threesome with his wife (who later turns out to be gay) and the women completely exclude him to the point he goes into the kitchen and makes a sandwich?
I don’t even like to share my food, so I am pretty sure I could never invite someone I know to share my boyfriend. It wouldn’t matter how attracted I was to the third party–I am pretty competitive, and so would probably end up trying to out-bone the other person which sounds funny in theory but probably isn’t so hot in practice. Oh yeah, look what I can do?! No really, I would probably end up kicking them out into the hallway last-minute–and stay out! Or if I did go through with it, I would be horribly frigid toward them forever.
So what do you think, is three a party or a crowd? Have you successfully invited a third-party to share your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend? Were they random or was it someone you both knew? How did you make them disappear afterward? What kind of sandwich would you make? I want to know!