Recently I was talking to one of my old college room-mates (I had 13 in 4 years…) who is in a long-distance relationship and is also really insanely jealous, which is basically a Molotov cocktail of relationship doom. We had a nice chat about the root of jealousy, and how she can deal with it healthily while not terrifying her boyfriend, because let’s be real–jealousy is about as sexy as Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

Don’t get me wrong, when I was younger I used to get crazy jealous and fume and cry. But after a few failed relationships I have come to realize that while mild jealousy is normal, insane jealousy does nothing but ruin otherwise good situations. It won’t change your partner’s behavior, but it will stop you from sleeping and make you cry all the time—two things that make you look bloated and ugly.

If you are jealous because of a lack of trust, and this lack of trust is merited, you should just get out of the relationship. If your partner is going to cheat on you, being insanely jealous will not stop them. If those people on the Titanic saw that iceberg coming, running around going “OMFG AN ICEBERG, I HATE THAT ICEBERG, THAT ICEBERG IS A SHIP-SINKING HOE” while not being able to steer the boat away would be completely fruitless. They would be better off finding a nice car to steam up below deck while the boat is headed for the berg, because that shit is goin’ down no matter what.

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