ED: Yet Another Reason I’m Glad I Have No Penis

I read an article from Time Healthland that discussed  a recent study concluding the more medications a man is on, the more likely he is to have erectile dysfunction. It made me think about how glad I am I never have to be on that end of the stick (teheheh).

Don’t get me wrong; women also have a plethora of sexual dysfunctions, and many women have a hard time reaching orgasm—some never do at all. So we are certainly not devoid of performance anxieties and malfunctions. I doubt anyone would argue that as a whole, women have more body-image issues than men. However, I feel like men weigh a lot in their ability to perform, and in what they’re packin’ down below in general. That’s where all those “short man” stereotypes come from, and the running joke that men with small penises buy nicer cars. We hear endless references about how they are trying to compensate, because really to them–just ask Freud here–their manhood is everything. Or so I’ve heard …I don’t have a penis.

I don’t think women feel this way about their vaginas. Women are stereotyped to be complex and mysterious. Men are stereotyped to be tried and true. As far as stereotypical sexuality goes, a woman is a cat—coy and enigmatic. A man is a golden retriever. Rub his tummy and he’ll be drooling in no time. So when a man can’t get up and running, he feels like less of a man. Yes of course, women get insecure about their naughty bits, too. But if a woman isn’t able to get sufficiently turned on, or could get mentally stimulated but say, had issues with lubrication, I don’t think she would feel like less of a woman.  Nor would she necessarily have to be embarrassed by it. If a woman was having trouble getting her juices simmering, she could enlist the help of some lubricant and her man may never be the wiser. This isn’t the case if a man can’t get it up.

A quick interjection: biologically speaking, men get erections to produce semen to produce bebes. So yes, if they can’t get their soldier saluting, then odds are they won’t ejeculate either. (Although flaccid ejaculation does happen! ) So that would be a reason for them to feel less able to perform their natural duties.  And comparably, I have heard accounts of women who feel like “less of a woman” when they are unable to have their own children. But the majority of one’s sexual encounters across a lifetime aren’t occurring with the intention of breeding–if they were, the sale of condoms would seriously suffer. So, in terms of ED, a man’s inability to get it up has nothing to do with the virility of his baby batter.

Okay, back to boners. I’m not talking the occasional too-drunk or too-stoned or too-stressed or too-nervous to achieve anything more than half a staff. I’m talking habitual flaccidity—lots of people think it’s just for old dudes and alcoholics. Not true.

Thinking again of the study mentioned above, I once knew a guy whose antidepressants gave him a mild case of ED. He could get it up, but had trouble keeping it up through the duration of the act, resulting in frequent starts and stops before he could reach orgasm—if he could reach it at all. He told me that when he is off his meds, he has no problem staying hard, but he doesn’t last nearly as long, leading me to believe his medication dulls his sensitivity and/or otherwise interrupts those lovely pleasure receptors in the brain. He told me that he was often embarrassed about it, and also that he was worried if he couldn’t satisfy his girl in that way, she would find someone who could. It was a very touching fear, and an absolutely absurd one. I assured him if a girl liked him before she knew the workings of his shy guy, she would continue to like him after—unless she was a total monster.

In this particular case, the guy adapted to his bashful boner by amping up his creativity and making sure his girl gets.off.every.time, so I am sure she wasn’t complaining. (She wasn’t.)

What do you think? Do you know anyone with medication inspired ED? Do you think men put more stock in their cock than ladies do in their sexbits? I wanna know.

About the author  ⁄ Zoe

Zoe writes about food and sex on SexyTofu.com.

2 Comments

  • Reply
    December 5, 2011

    Dude… for sure. I think that there is so much performance anxiety put on the guys.

    And medications… Probably more sexual side effects than we will ever know. It is the time of the baby boomers, but how many ED meds are there out there?!

    My 70 year old professor often throws ED meds randomly in his lecture, probably simply to keep us awake.

    PS. the noodle picture is hilarious & looks delicious.

    • Reply
      December 5, 2011

      I was on birth control for nearly a decade and I didn’t realize how much it dampened my libido until I went off it and felt like a 14 year old boy. Thank GOODNESS I don’t have a penis because being hot and bothered in public would be a lot more embarrassing… I should probably post on that.

Leave a Comment