Today’s Rant: My Family Thinks I Am A Pervert, and Vagina Orthodontia Anti-Rape Devices


The best thing about being known throughout your circle of loved ones as—at best—sexually inquisitive and—at worst—a complete raging pervert is that you get bombarded with emails, texts, FB wall posts and even Tweets on the regular with links to weird articles, interesting news, dirty jokes, and the like.

Some recent favs:

The following image was posted to my FB by my old college roomie:

My father sent me the following joke in honor of day light’s savings:

The Agony of Hearing Loss

After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend.

He was busy painting his penis with a black marker.

I said to him, “You idiot!  You’re supposed to turn your clock back!”

(November 6th this year – monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)

And my current room-mate, N, sent me the link to this post from mamashealth.com about an “anti-rape” condomesque device equipped with (shudder) teeth that can be inserted into a lady’s sex socket.  Mama’s Health writer Aunt B writes: Invented by South African doctor Dr. Sonnet Ehlers after treating a rape victim who said, “If only I had teeth down there,” the female condom dubbed “Rapex” is being readied for distribution after 20 years of research.

Rapex is a female condom featuring teeth-like prongs that will latch onto a man’s penis as soon as he inserts it, and the man will have to go to the hospital to have it removed, where he will be identified as a rapist; the Rapex is also designed to collect the man’s DNA. These condoms are currently being distributed in South Africa, which has one of the highest percentages of rape incidents in the world.

While this in theory sounds effective, it also means that a woman has to walk around all day (night) with a toothy glove up her snatch. That doesn’t sound very comfortable, although I suppose it is more comfortable than being raped. On the other hand, it could help prevent date rape scenarios if a woman inserts it as a precaution before going out with someone she doesn’t know very well. Dinner reservations? Check. Friend on speed dial for a faux emergency phone call? Check. Pepper spray? Check. Vagina Orthodontia? Check check!

This could even be used as a precaution if you AREN’T wearing a Rapex. If an attacker comes at you, you can shout “Better think twice, Buster! There is a device in my vajay that will peel the skin off your dick like a sweaty tube sock!” Who the hell would venture on in to find out if you are lying?

Thoughts and comments, everyone? Watch the video.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcWeNtl32uU]

About the author  ⁄ Zoe

Zoe writes about food and sex on SexyTofu.com.

One Comment

  • Reply
    October 28, 2011

    I stand corrected!! Today’s post is even better! Disregard my previous comment, I was not paying attention to the dates!

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