In my zenned out glory, 6 months ago..

I don’t know what I want! Since my split from my ex, I’ve been bouncing off hypothetical walls more than a toddler who got their hands on two cupcakes and a soda at Chuck E.Cheese.

Just when I make a solid decision about anything—weekend plans, new resolutions, the avoidance of caffeine/alcohol/buying more shoes—I abruptly go ahead and do the opposite of what I have just decided. One of my friends, A, recently sent me a reiteration of the last two text messages I sent her, spaced about 22 hours apart. They read: “I will kiss no one for the next month. No one! No dating. Nothing!” followed by “Hot Yoga Guy came over last night…” (I swore off this guy a while back due to his general flakiness and self absorption…) Of course, A found it hilarious. I found it a perfect depiction of how sloppy I have been lately. Seriously—A real mess.

I’m like that womanly woman in that Billy Joel song; and she never gives in, she just changes her mind. That’s what I do. Every second of every day. The good thing about this is I am doing a lot of cycling, running around in circles, and feeling a ton of different emotions at one time—something that I think is vital to do at some point in your life. If you don’t give yourself the time and space to get your crazies out of your system, you will pay for it later.  And I would much rather do it now, at 23, than at 43 with a hubby a mortgage and four kids. Right? No new Porsche or plastic surgery for me. Just a whole bunch of late-night adventures, trying new things, meeting new people, the draining of my bank account on impulse buys and maybe just a dash of self-destructive behavior. Thanks Quarter Life Crisis.

Me mid crisis...

And to pay homage to my messy little life, a recipe for you all!

Quarter Life Crisis Cocktail

1 part vodka, borrowed from your room-mate’s bottle in the freezer (Thanks, J!)
1 part tonic water, borrowed from your other room-mate’s bottle in the fridge (Thanks N!)
1 part Prometheus Springs Tea, Citrus Cayenne Flavor, from the case they sent you to review in the mail (Thanks Prometheus!)

Mix together, serve over ice with a twist and enjoy in good company

Hey, anyone else out there going through a quarter life crisis? Mid-life crisis? Anything? I wanna know!

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I have become mildly obsessed with this brand of spicy tea, Prometheus Springs. It’s a cold bottled tea that contains capsaicin, that active ingredient in chili peppers that bring the heat and amps up your metabolism. I was gifted an entire case of this tea, which comes in a variety of flavors, and I have been enjoying them for the past 6 weeks. I have also been bringing them to the office to share, and my coworker, N, is totally obsessed with them. They are sweet with a nice kick at the end, sort of like a cranky bottle of Snapple, if Snapple had feelings and all.

While the tea does contain sugar (organic!), which I normally try to avoid, I still enjoyed them as a treat, and mixed them with spirits instead of my go-to vodka tonic because I am soooo classy like that.

Plus, I dig the values behind the company. The founder has Indian roots, and was inspired by the Ayurvedic principle of food as the fundamental form of medicine. Plus, the company pays homage to the Greek titan known best for his wily intelligence, and for stealing fire from Zeus and gifting it to man. Stealing fire, spicy tea… get it?!

Here are my top flavor picks:

Citrus Cayenne- This spicy sweet flavor reminds me a bit of a fruity salsa. This was my No. 1 flavor. My coworker, N, took a sip and then announced he was going to follow Prometheus Springs on twitter—now that’s some powerful stuff, hah. He then went to Whole Foods to try and find it himself. Another co-worker who tried it said it smelled like fruit but had a surprising kick. I have been mixing it with booze or enjoying it plain over ice. My only qualm with the flavor was that I thought it tasted more like grapefruit than lemon or lime which is what I think of when I think citrus…

Pomegranite Black Pepper- This was my No. 2 pick. It has a somewhat milder level of heat than the other flavors, and the pom flavor is subtle and not overpowering, which I like. “It’s got a great flavor,” said my boss, “but it burns a bit!”

Lychee Wasabi- This level of heat is much different, and it gets that nice heady back-of-the-throat burn like a load of wasabi delivers on top of a creamy avocado roll. Mmm. Definitely a favorite for me.

Spicy Pear- this was the first flavor I tried. I had no idea what I was in for—it was real sweet at first but with a fiery aftershock. Yum!

Mango Chili- A strong mango flavor, which I love, but you gotta be into the mango to get down on this. The spice in this one was a bit mellow, especially after your first couple sips.

Lemon Ginger- I love ginger, and this tea is a nice solid staple, although I found myself unable to finish a whole bottle at once. I kept it in the fridge and enjoyed it over a few days. Super refreshing.

Play around on the Prometheus Springs website to order some tea, find it in stores, or read their awesome mixology suggestions.

Got a  vegan product for me to try and rant or rave about on here? Hit me up at sexytofublog@yahoo.com.

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Sometimes your ego gets run into the ground leaving you insecure, shaking, jittery and babbling to your best friend on the phone at 4 AM—lucky for both of you she lives in a different time zone. Ego kicks come from all over—maybe you got fired, maybe a project you had been invested in fell through, or maybe you just got dumped by your boyfriend of 3 years—heck, even of 3 weeks! You never know how stuff is going to affect you. One minute, you’re flying high and the next you’re pacing around the room at all hours of the night looking like you’ve had one too many Four Loko (and one IS too many). Whenever I am feeling down, the key to getting back on my feet is being gentle with myself. And how do I do that? With a whole lot of indulgence.

I indulge in everything, all across the border.

One day, I might feel like indulging by ignoring a responsibility to take a 3 hour yoga workshop or spending a disgusting 8 dollars on a green juice from Whole Foods—highway robbery!

The next, I might feel like indulging by going out for drinks with friends even if, so what, it IS a Monday and I DO have work early the next morning. Maybe indulgence is a pint of vegan ice-cream, or a new pair of shoes. Maybe it’s listening to super emo music–I prefer Bright Eyes, Damien Rice and Stereophonics when feeling the need to mope–and having a good sob session.

Maybe indulgence is finally letting that dangerous boy come over. You know, the super sexy one who has been hounding you for years, with whom you flirt shamelessly  but avoid any actual confrontation with because 1) they are so pretty you can’t sit still when they are around and 2) they talk a bit too sweetly and 3) you have a suspicion that the list of women they have slept with is longer than the graduation roster at your small liberal arts college. So maybe there is a hurricane and maybe you let them spend the night, and although you insist on staying in (most of) your clothes, maybe you let them hold you for no other reason than you’re sad, lonely, and they look as good without their shirt as Mathew McConaughey. Go ahead, rub their seemingly Photoshopped chest while muttering “pretty pretty pretty.”  Take a picture of them in your bed and send it to your friends as proof.  Live a little. Perhaps this isn’t the best way of dealing and moving on, but it’s how I do.

How do YOU do? I want to know!

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well prepared (No, I don't eat Doritos or drink Red Bull! Not mine!)

Okay so, everyone is hustling about getting ready for Irene! The stores are completely out of water, flashlights, and batteries. While I have a flashlight, I don’t have batteries and checked 6 stores before giving up  So, while having an end of the world cuddle session with my friends Sean and Sarah, we think…while everyone else is running around buying provisions, where do we go? To VIP, of course. VIP is the largest adult super store in New England. I only  know this because it says so on their sign. We grabbed lunch and headed down there to get all sorts of fun stuff to keep us (individually) entertained in case the power goes out/world ends/zombies arrive. And, what do we find when we get there? That VIP might be the only store in the area to still have flashlights AND batteries. The batteries of course are meant for the small power tools masquerading as sex toys, and the flash lights actually double as both a flash light AND a sex toy. How perfect?

multipurpose!

Also, we found–but did NOT purchase–this super degrading blow-up doll that is supposed to resemble Kim Kardashian. Aside from being degrading because, well, it’s a blow up doll, “Kinky Kim” is shown on the cover eating a cheese burger while taking a mayo money shot to the face. On the back, her nipples are discreetly covered with tomato slices.  Very classy, let me tell you.

Oh kim, you classy broad

SO, how did YOU prepare for the storm? I hope you found someone sexy to hibernate with. I wasn’t lonely enough to take home Kinky Kim. Maybe next time a hurricane comes to town.

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Since good old Irene is well on her way to the East Coast by now, everyone is freakin’ out. Costco ran out of bottled water. They are shutting down the trains to NYC and the subways in NYC starting noon tomorrow. I refuse to go to the grocery store even though my cupboards are pretty bare because I know it will be pandemonium—quick! Everyone load up on toilet paper. I have enough rice, beans, booze and kitty litter to get me through it.

But really, it gets me thinking about my favorite genre of all movies—zombie thrillers. The Evil Dead, Resident Evil, 28 Days later, Shaun of the dead, Zombieland…on and on and on. (There is even zombie porn! Of course there is.) Right now I feel like everyone is preparing for a zombie apocalypse, which would be a way cooler way to die than in a hurricane. Plus I just got ordered these killer combat boots off eBay, so I’m ready. Just sayin’.

Unfortunately for me, as a vegan, I would die first. Why you might ask? I have more energy than most people I know. I rarely ever get sick. I run 3-6 miles 5 or 6 days a week (nothing to do with veganism, aside from that I have the energy to do it!). I could start munching leaves and grass if I ran out of tempeh. Sounds like I would totally survive right? Wrong. I would die first because I taste so damn good. Really, vegans taste better. And not just in a raunchy look-at-me-I’m-sexy type of way. Bugs love me. I was in a yoga class last week, a full class, and this mosquito just would NOT leave me alone. I was trying to get my ohm on and it gettin down on me like it just drank three vodka tonics on a third date.

And after class, when I whined to some fellow students about my 19 (!) new bug-bites, everyone else said they hadn’t been touched. When in Taiwan with my mom, we slept on the same tatami mat on the floor, and every morning I would wake up with fresh bug bites, and she never got any. I have some pretty sweet blood. Zombies would be hurtling through my windows at 90 miles an hour. I wouldn’t stand a chance—noooo way.

So,  any cool hurricane/apocalypse plans? I’m gonna be sittin’ around my apartment with my new boots and a couple of cool makeshift weapons I crafted myself because I am terrified of guns.

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omfg, like, have you been vaccinated?

 A handful of years back, Gardasil, a  vaccination for HPV—the human papilloma virus, the most common STD around—came on the market, available in a series of three shots. For anyone unaware, HPV is pretty terrifying as it can cause things like genital warts and (dun dun dun) cervical cancer! The shot was recommended by doctors to teen and college-aged girls.

For men, HPV can (but rarely does) cause genital warts but the biggest issue is that it is undetectable in men, and therefore they easily spread HPV to their ladyfriends as they are unaware they have it. Eeep! So thank goodness that now HPV vaccinations are being recommended for teenage boys! While the vaccine has been available for boys for a while, it is only somewhat recently that it’s becoming a normal recommendation. This kind of practice is called herd immunity—vaccinating one segment of a population to protect another.

Honestly though, I am on the fence about the vaccination only because it’s new and I worry 15 years from now all these teen girls will start having babies with scales or two sets of sex organs. BUT I suppose it’s a risk some may be willing to take to prevent genital warts and cervical cancer! A look at this terrifying statistic backs that up: while teens and young adults represent only a quarter of the sexually active population, they account for half of the new STD cases every year.

Teenagers have that whole “I’m invincible!” vibe, and therefore do stupid things like get drunk and go “car surfing” and have unprotected sex, actions which end up in deaths, pregnancies and STDs. Except not me—when I was a teenager my boyfriend was so terrified of me getting pregnant we used condoms (which he nicknamed “Weapons of Mass Destruction”), AND I was on birth control, AND he always pulled out…He wasn’t worried about STDs because we were both so fresh and so clean (clean), but whenever I had a headache/stomach ache/cold he always asked if I was pregnant.

Anyways, quick, tell me your thoughts on stds, HPV, Gardasil or the sex you had in high school. Go!

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I want a word with whoever Photoshopped out her nipple

Okay so, last summer I ranted about how much I dislike Lady Gaga. But, real talk—people can change! And, girl got under my skin, and so now I sort of respect her for the insane person she is. Also I realized she is pretty smart as far as celebs go…while Lindsay Lo, Kim Kardashian and all those other lime-light loving poptarts can’t go anywhere without 10000 photos being taken, Gaga has created such a heavily costumed presence, that she could throw on a pair of sweats and pull her hair into a ratty bun and go to a movie and no one would notice her because they only expect her to leave the house with her head wrapped in tin foil.

Anyways, last year I got all hopped up when Gaga went out wearing a dress made of meat. 1) that was disgusting, 2) that was wasteful and as a vegan it made me all sorts of cranky and 3) WTF IS WRONG WITH HER?! (Side note: that dress now hangs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Because it is meat and therefore will go rancid, it was preserved by a taxidermist and then painted to look fresh. Nasty.)

Well, surprise surprise, it looks like Gaga just might top last year’s MTV Video Music Awards. Apparently she will be attending and presenting at this year’s award ceremony—held this coming Sunday—topless. Yup! That’s right—lady bits on display. I am sure it will be blurred out for all of us crowding around our TVs (mine is from 2002, white, has a VHS player and is proudly touting “FM RADIO”) but anyone live at the event will get a nice peep show.

Gaga, you’re insane but…go ahead and get down girl. More power to you.

Okay now watch this MTV VMA promo..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h3KIxtqFUY

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Thanks for the pic, Quarrygirl. You're a better blogger than I!

Yum yum yum! On a recent trip to NYC, this boy I know took me to Candle Cafe on third avenue between 74th and 75th. I had a barbequed seitan sandwich on a ciabatta roll, with avocado and (gasm) caramelized onions, and it was gloriously messy in the way that all things delicious usually are. The boy who brought me was a vegetarian, so he got down on the grub, but even our non-veggie friend who was there enjoyed his seitan burger, washed down by an organic beer.

Candle Cafe is a pretty well known hot spot, so I was glad I finally got to check it out. Like normal, I wolfed down my food without taking a photo. I am pretty much the worst food blogger ever. I was also too full of seitan to order a vegan dessert. Sigh, I guess I will just have to go back! Also, cool side note–while creeping about on the Candle Cafe website I read that the founders were able to open the shop with money they won in the lottery! Bangerang, Rufio! I better start buying tickets.

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I ate it before I could take a photo..story of my life..

I love sweets—especially when they are free! Recently, I became a member of the VegNews Street Team (oh hey, VegNews!)—a group spreading vegan awareness by distributing issues of VegNews around to local venues, groups, stores and restaurants. Anything to spread some vegany goodness. Anyways to kick off the team, VegNews sent me a care package and in it was this delicious vegan chocolatey nougat bar called a Buccaneer bar.

Super delicious and covered in a rice-milk chocolate coating, it reminded me of a Three Musketeers (coincidental names? I think not!). It was all I could do not to inhale it in one mouthful. Normally I try to avoid processed foods, and this bar—while delicious—is definitely a special treat. Dessert at my desk. Glad they didn’t send me a case, because I may have been tempted to eat the whole thing in one sitting and then would have a serious vegan tummy ache. But really, these bars are the shit.  

These sweet treats are made by Go Max, Go Foods LLC, and I poked around on their site and saw they make a mock Almond Moy bar called a Mahalo. I nearly peed myself. I must find one, asap.

Thanks VegNews and  Go Max, Go Foods , for the yummy bar! Unfortunately more me, the name of it spurred this random memory of a line from the movie Casper (mmmm 14 year old Devon Sawa) and so now I have been wandering around my  office going Buccaneers and buried gold. Whipstaff doth a treasure hold.. Anyone else remember this? No? Just me?

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superfreak <3

Tomorrow I am going to see a Britney Spears concert. Yeah, that’s right, and I am not (too) embarrassed about it either. Your first love never dies…I had her pics (courtesy of Teen Beat) taped all over my bedroom walls in the 5th grade. I dumped my first(ish) boyfriend and then, when he rode his bike to my house to cry or whatever, I emailed him Britney Spears lyrics telling him in rhyme to leave me alone.  So what she got knocked up (twice) by some loser back-up dancer  and shaved her head? Bitch made a comeback.

Anyways, the real reason I love B spears is no, not because her music is amazing (I admit, she is very autotuned..), or because she danced around on stage wrapped in a 13 foot snake (jealous!) but because she is a freak and she is proud of it. I knew it before I knew what a freak was. Her first hit single, Hit Me Baby, had all sorts of people hopped up because they said she was promoting domestic violence. People, come on now! Clearly, she just wanted to be spanked like the naughty school girl she was. Her loneliness was killing her!  I got this (sort of) at 10, so it can’t be that hard.

Her latest hit, I Wanna Go, is about letting out her inner freak, which she has been repressing because err’ body is always up in her bidness. Not cool.

Recently I was talking to a friend and he told me he thinks he watches too much porn, not (only) because of the hours he logs doing so, but because he is ridiculously freaky to the point he is worried he will scare whoever he is sleeping with if he were to just come out and say what he wants. That is a really sucky situation, because you should feel totally comfortable with whoever you’re sleeping with—to the point that you can do (or say) whatever turns you on and gets you off.

I have heard sex gets better as you age, and I think this is not only because you become more seasoned, but because as you grow and mature you (hopefully) become more comfortable with who you are and what you want. Most teens and twenty-somethings are extremely self conscious, to the point they are (like my friend) worried about what they say and do and how it will be perceived. If I get in the position I want, will I jiggle or flop about and turn my partner off? If I say what I really want, will they laugh at me? Will they pull out and tell me “No I will not do that to you—this isn’t a gang bang!” leaving me self-conscious and embarrassed and forcing me to run into the bathroom to “pee” (cry)?

My advice to anyone who is repressing their inner freak in the bedroom is to make like Britney and show your dirt off. If your lovebunny isn’t into it, and you can’t find a comfortable medium that both of you are happy with, well maybe you should find a different partner! Sex is important in a relationship, and if you aren’t satisfied, it will show in other areas. Plus, maybe they are also afraid to let you in on what they want! Have a little fantasy swap sess and see where it goes. Come on! Doooo it! (And then tell me about it in the comment section.)

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