Everyone else is eating cheese (image by graur razvan ionut)
I am a pretty awkward person. I make awkward jokes and references to things nobody else understands, and then I laugh at them alone. On Friday I was at the bank next to my office where I go to deposit my whopping free-lance checks during lunch, and the teller tried to chat me up. I drool over him every time I go in there, partially because he is a fox (he looks some sort of juicy middle-eastern ethnicity), and because he is rocking a wedding ring so that makes him completely off limits. So he starts making small talk. Probably he was just being friendly, but it made me nervous anyways. “So you work around here?” he said. “yes, do you?” I responded. To THE BANK TELLER. He then looked at me like I had something hanging out of my nose. (I probably did.)
Right before that, as I was heading out to do my bank errands/make an ass out of myself in front of saucy teller, my boss reminded me to be back by 2:30 as we are having Flying Saucers for a coworker’s birthday. “Great, I won’t miss that!” I said. “Even though I will just be standing around awkwardly while you all eat your ice-cream and repetitively ask why I am not partaking!” I continued. “Veganism is so socially awkward sometimes,” I finished. Luckily, my boss laughed (she at least pretends I am funny).
Real talk: Unless I am surrounded by other vegans, I usually feel sort of awkward turning down food. I do it anyways, but usually I feel a bit of judgement coming my way. I have found that veganism makes people nervous, as if I am judging them–I am not, I swear! I don’t sit around saying “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PIGS/WHAT IS IN YOUR MILK/HOW MANY BYCATCH SEA CREATURES DIE SO YOU CAN EAT THAT SPICY TUNA ROLL?” so I hate when I hear “but like, how do you get your protein/no wonder you’re so skinny/What about cheese?!”
So, yeah, office food parties are always awkward for me. I have only been here about 4 months, so I wonder what will happen in April when my birthday rolls around–assuming I last that long and don’t get fired because of the contents of my browser history (Friday on my lunch break I spent 40 minutes reading up on gimps and BDSM for my gimp post…). What? I was on lunch!
Any other vegans ever feel awkward about their vegan status? I want to hear your awkward vegan moments! Or just awkward moments in general…I once tried to get a pen out of my purse in class and accidentally flung a tampon at the boy next to me. It hit him in the face.
Oh god this post made me so happy.
Your bank teller incident reminds me of when I go through the drive through at Starbucks on the way to work. The barista (or would that be a baristER) always tells me to drive carefully, and no matter how many times he does, I always manage to say enthusiastically, “You too!”
I’m pretty sure I have a permanent hand print on my forehead just from those stops alone.
Hahah yeah I basically should switch banks now out of mortification alone. I am too socially awkward for public
Try being a pregnant vegan! Everyday is awkward. When I was preggo with my daughter people kept asking me things like “well, you’re eating meat now, right?” and “you’re going to give your baby milk, right?” And then when I shook my head they gave me that you-vegan-bitch-you’re-going-to-kill-your-child look. I finally lost it one day and snapped back “Yeah, because I’ve been walking around like a giant blob for the last 10 months just so I can malnourish and kill my daughter once she’s out here.”
Needless to say, my coworkers avoided me for a while
Haha I hear you. I am the better part of a decade away from breeding myself, but my father (who seems to have grandbaby fever) asks me if I will start eating meat once I am knocked up…convo goes like “okay well what about fish…how about some cheese? Eggs! What about eggs from our friend’s chickens! Milk?!?!?” I fear once babies arrive if I leave them alone with him he will be siphoning egg yoke down their throat with a turkey baster…
Office food parties are the worst! Not to mention office lunch outings. I continually get “if you don’t eat meat than what do you eat? “and “Where do you get your protein?” Our lunch outings are always at a steak houses or seafood places. It gets exhausting also hearing tell me there is no possible way they could go vegan and brag about the taste of meat. I never preach to anyone or tell them to change their diet unless they come to me showing an interest in veganism. So true, veganism; just another way to be sociially awkward. I <3 your blog by the way!
Thanks Paige! Yep, yesterday at the office it was “hey we are ordering pizza for lunch what do you want..” and I had to be all “oh, thanks, but I will just sit awkwardly at my desk and eat my tempeh sandwich…”