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While talking to my friend, LG, recently, we stumbled on the topic of one night stands. I mentioned I hate them (okay maybe not hate, hate is for Hitler, my dad says…) and LG said “oh I don’t have one night stands. I’m all about the threepeat.”

The wah? LG went on to explain to me the inner workings of the threepeat—which apparently is originally some sports lingo but neither of us like sports so we didn’t get into it. LG’s threepeat involves sleeping with someone at least, you guessed it, three times. But there are rules and reasoning to this game!

The first is that you only have a threepeat with someone whose opinion you value. (I would like to think if you don’t value their opinion, you aren’t sleeping with them…I will assume that is what he meant.)

LG told me that he has found women often don’t get comfortable enough their first time sleeping with someone to thoroughly enjoy themselves. While he says this is most likely not true for all women, these are his findings. Additionally, a serial monogamist himself, LG often goes long stints without sex, so when he first sleeps with someone, he might be out of practice/over-excited and so he doesn’t exactly have his best game face on. Therefore, LG doesn’t like to leave em after the first time, for fear they aren’t satisfied because A they couldn’t get comfy or B he wasn’t up to par and/or they are going to go tell all of their friends (and his) that he sucked.

That is where the second round comes in. LG says he likes to land the second round within an hour or so after the first, after a nice session of pillow talk. This isn’t necessary but it’s what he prefers—if they leave unsatisfied they may not sleep with him again! During the second round LG likes to pull out all of his tricks (not sure what they are…) and make a good impression, make sure they’re totally satisfied and everyone is nice and sweaty and happy by the end.

THEN—and this is key!—he has to make sure at some point they go at it again. Why? Because if they have one round of good sex and one round of bad, the girl could assume that the good sex was a fluke and normally he is terrible. So, a third time is vital to ensure she understands he is phenomenal in the sack and no bad rumors will be spread. After that, he can continue sleeping with her if he likes her and whatnot but doesn’t feel compelled if he isn’t interested anymore. He usually does feel compelled, because he is a nice guy and, as I mentioned earlier, a serial monogamist.

I was very entertained by this whole thing, which LG has probably mulled over on his own and with buddies multiple times. I know girls come up with crazy schemes and rules about when they can sleep with people (not on the first date, not until the third date, not when drunk, only when drunk, etc, etc.) I didn’t realize guys thought the same. I guess I naïvely thought they were just happy to partake all the time, as the media portrays the male sex drive as a hyped-up golden retriever who won’t stop jumping on you/humping your leg/begging at the dinner table.

Any guys out there with crazy sex guidelines? I wanna know!

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