Dirty Talk; A Beginner’s Guide

The differences in people’s sexual taste is sort of like the difference in palates. Everyone has taste buds, they just all experience flavors in a unique way, and this has a direct effect on their preferred level of spice. Some like it hot, some prefer it medium, and for some even the hint of a chili pepper will send them running to the bathroom or chugging water faster than a frat boy being hazed.

One particular area of bedroom bustle that can vary a great deal from person to person is the level of vocality that is accepted, or expected, while doing the deed. Some people have a mouth like a truck-driver stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the interstate with a bladder full of cheap coffee and Red Bull, while others may steer to the quiet, more reserved side. This is all good and well until the two aforementioned personality types climb into bed together– There may be a problem when one lets go of a string of phrases and four letter words that would make Mel Gibson blush, while the other immediately bursts into tears.

Acclimating a partner to talking dirty is like teaching a tot to swim- it takes time and patience– but if you just throw them in the water and let em fend for themselves the effect will be disastrous. Here are some quick tips to get em there.

1. Start slow. Usually when you’re with someone, you don’t know too many details about their last partner. If they were used to complete silence during sex, talking throughout can be jarring, and make them feel uncomfortable. Shy types need a little TLC, so begin by keeping your verbal rapport on the sensual side. Make sure your comments are loving – not raunchy – so that they get used to hearing your voice while gettin’ down.

2. Try A Play by Play. Once they are used to a little communication – meaning they are not only comfortable with you talking but  are responding as well – you can kick up the level of heat from mild to medium by describing what you (or they) are doing, and how it makes you feel. This general formula works pretty well : “I love the way you _____ my ___ .” Insert some other forms of vocal encouragement and you should be good to go.

3. Re-evaluate the Situation. By now, you should know if your partner is getting into talking dirty. If they still remain mute (or you hear them crying in the bathroom afterwards..), then dirty talk may not be for them, and you may need to compromise and find other ways to get creative between the sheets. However, if they seem to be game and are happily responding, try and amp up the heat (slowly!) and throw in some more uhm, original, phrases or a few four-letter words. Careful now, if you move to fast you may traumatize them and find yourself stuck back at square one.
Good luck!

About the author  ⁄ Zoe

Zoe Eisenberg is an author, editor and filmmaker living on the big island of Hawaii. For more from Zoe, find her on Instagram @zoahu, Twitter @Sexytofublog, or check out her book, The Lusty Vegan, available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.


  • Reply
    November 4, 2010

    I am always talking dirty to my boyfriend a little bit and its pretty good hear that he likes it. But he told to me that even he like it he needs me to improve much better. That’s why I am looking for some samples or tips teaching how to talk dirty and found this article. Thanks for posting.

  • Reply
    November 11, 2010

    Hey, I attempted to email you pertaining to this post but aren?t able to reach you. Please e-mail me when get a moment. Thanks.

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